Questions I would like to ask the narc.
Questions I would like to ask the narc.
I have so many questions I want to ask him.
Whether he really ever loved me? How he could look at me and say such horrific things? When I was crying how he could keep shouting and then start laughing and walk away? Whether he feels any sorrow for what he has done? Whether he actually knows what he has done to me and my children? How he can just walk away from my children after being in their lives for 4 years? Whether it was all a game to him? Whether he feels ANYTHING?
The thing is I think I actually know all the answers already but I really really would love to know the answers from his mouth. I know I'll never get real closure on this and I also know that I will never give him the satisfaction of contacting him to ask - cos he would love that ( been there before).
The one thing that really still haunts me is that about 2 weeks after we broke up (or I threw him out, as he tells everyone) he came over and was soooo lovely ( this was before my counsellor told me what he is!!!) and he was so loving and kind and we ended up in bed - my head was just spinning and thought that maybe he was sorry and had changed. The minute it was over, he got up , got his things and went to leave. I was devasted and asked him why he was going - he said that I didn't realise how hard it was for him to come back to the house after I had thrown him out and that I should stop thinking about how I am feeling and being so selfish!! A lot of the other things he did are kind of fading now but that still stays in my mind alot - I think it is so cruel.
I honestly think I will never understand any of this, All I can do is stay NC and try and move on. Some days are great but this weekend my children are at their father's and this is the hardest time. I have made plans to see friends and go shopping with my mum but I just feel numb all the time, like I'm not really here. I see couples in love and find that really hard - why couldn't my narc just see the great person I am and just love me like other people love each other. I know I did nothing wrong now but I am the one hurting. It's all so unfair.
This forum is helping very much - I don't feel alone anymore. My friends sympathise but they don't get it and I think they sometimes think I'm over reacting. I find that hard cos I try to explain but i reckon they think I am just bitter after a breakup but the truth is that my head is still screwed, and I relive thing every day that he did to me.
Thanks for all your support on here - I actually don't know what I would do without you at the moment.
xxxxx
Welcome to the forum, sorry
Journey on...
Healingslowly
It's hard, but you do come out on the other side
Well, you could ask all those questions
Lmao, and in that order too!
Mine's catch-phrase is: It
You will get over this
Welcome Healing, they don't
Welcome to the forum
Eventually, you will have no
truly truly said
I'm not surprised you feel
I love the way Sparrow put it