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Re-entering "normal"

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#1 Jun 12 - 8AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

Re-entering "normal"

Went out tonight, the first time since being single.

It is rough out there...mostly I just felt old and abandoned and heaven forbid started wondering about the Narc and questioning if things were that bad.

I realise now I am too weak to go out and won't be going out for a very long time....

Also, I realise I am not ready to trust men at all. It actually made me miss my Narc...then I realised he never existed...oh the ups and downs.

Tonight made me want to run as far away as possible.

Jun 12 - 8PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Not sure how long you have

Not sure how long you have been out of the relationship, but I see you have been a member for only 2 weeks. What you describe with not being ready to be out, is completely normal this early. It's part of the PTSD, I think. It took me months before I could go out to a restaurant even and have dinner. Everything triggered me or would make me "miss" him. You are not alone. I think it is good that you recognize that you can't trust men right now. It has been said that it takes 18 months to recover and that dating should be avoided within that time. I personally agree with that. Be patient with yourself and don't force yourself to be more ready for anything than you are. Take time to really feel all of your emotions. Recovery is a slow process, but better to feel the pain now and work through it, then bury it and have it resurface later. Stay strong:) xoxo, Steph
Jun 12 - 1PM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

were you with the right people?

were you with some other single girls? It helps to keep it fun and go out just to people (men)watch hope it gets better :)
Jun 12 - 12PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

totally get it

I feel the same - I have only gone out with my triple ex BF who is like family to me and we really just hang out and do not want anything from each other. I have not kissed anyone but ex N since about 2003...and it is really hard to think about it. I do want to go out for laughs with new men but not healed enough for intimacy. Plus EX N and I had such a wonderful physical connection (and he is a manly stud) it will be hard for a normal guy to measure up in bed. But sex is not everything and there are nicer people out there who will not make us crazy!! let's just hang in here for the ride... plus being single and peaceful beats wondering when the rug will be pulled out.
Jun 12 - 10AM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Puzzle

Congrats for trying to go out! There will be weeks, maybe even months, of TRYING to go out and just not being able to do it. You'll definitely miss that "fake image man" you'll want to call, text, email, whatever just to get in contact with him- especially after a night of going out and drinking. But I PROMISE YOU... One day you'll be able to go out and make new friends, and meet new, real, genuine, loving, caring men. Just keep trying! Good Luck! STAY STRONG!!!
Jun 12 - 10AM
peace11
peace11's picture

Take your time

It takes time.. be patient with yourself. Its been over a year for me and i go out but STILL think of N. I compare everyone to what I thought he was. It does get easier but its a slow process. Stay strong.
Jun 12 - 9AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Oh dear, I was wondering how

Oh dear, I was wondering how you went. It's ok, it's just a learning curve, your not ready yet. Don't miss that dickturd. I understand how after a shitty night we just want to go home to our security blanket, but he never was your security sweetheart, you could probably pick up some drunken idiot who would be nicer to you than he was! You know the truth, the reality of it. He was never there for you nor was he 'safe'. He wasn't your protector, he was your predator. Sending hugs your way Xox