Recently dumped for another woman and trying to figure out what I did wrong

I was in a very intense relationship for 4 months with a NARC. He came on like a tsunami. Calling and texting me all day long - that should have been a sign - didn't this man have a life that he wanted to be in constant communication right away with some girl he just met? He told me that had been a jerk to women his entire life and now at 35 (we are both 35) he realized he needs to be better and wants to settle down. He told me that if I were to call his ex girlfriends they would tell me to run. He also told me that with me it was different. That he had never felt this way about a woman before. He was falling in love. For the first time. That he refused to hold anyone's hand in the past but he kept his hand locked in mine because it was me. "Because its you". I was special, the one who made the difference. We were already planning our wedding and where to buy a house. We came from very different back grounds, I am a lawyer so am highly educated - he never went to college. My family background is very stable and loving, his was dysfunctional. To name a few. Initially, I wasn't even physically attracted to him at first, but his charm and the way he was all over me caused me to be more attracted to him than any other man I have ever known. Every time we were together was great. Out of this world. It was the days and at times weeks when we were apart that I saw a different side to him. He was very much into health and fitness. I am 5'4 and 150-55 lbs. On one hand I was the most attractive woman he had been with and he would always tell me how hot or pretty I looked. But then he was after me to go to the gym and telling me that I was really over weight. He didn't want to take me to meet his family until I lost weight because he wanted to be with a really hot girl. When I did take him to the gym with me, he told me to get off of the elliptical trainer because I wasn't really doing much and go run for 20 min on the treadmill. Which I did, and then he told me that he was watching me and I wasn't running fast enough. I made double the money he did however he owned various properties. He was always on about how I should buy a house with him. Which is fine, but it takes longer than 4 months to get to that place financially and even trust wise. He would keep telling me I was frivilous with my spending but I spend thousands on him in the short time we were together. He had never stayed at a 5 star hotel until he met me, and I took him to one as a treat to have a mini break. After that he was hooked and always was requesting "breaks" for me to arrange because he was stressed. I ended up spending $1400 on 6 nights in 4 months. He was after me to go on birth control, something I have never done as the idea of putting hormones in my body does not sit well with me. He didn't want to use condoms and would threaten that there are plenty of other women out there on birth control for him to have sex with, if I didn't agree. I was on my way to being fitted for a coil, but we broke up before then. However, I ended up taking the morning after pill two months in a row to please him. The first time he felt bad and paid for it, as I had paid for a fancy hotel for his birthday and bought him dinner, etc. The second time, even though I was paying for an entire weekend away, he started to fight with me - that what was the point of even having sex because he had to wear a condom. So in an effort to please him I offered to take the pill again. Then he started to complain that it was going to cost him money, so I offered to pay for it. For his birthday I got us a suite in a hotel and expensive Hugo Boss cufflinks. As soon as he walked into the room he said "this is shit" (his favorite dialogue) and said that my present was "shit and boring" and he handed the cufflinks back to me. I still have them - they are the only thing he ever gave me during the relationship. Mind you, all the while he is saying all this horrible stuff he is also telling me that it is because he is falling so hard for me. And he wants so badly that I am the woman he ends up with, but that I need to "fix up". If he could just tweek me I would be the perfect woman and he could marry me tomorrow.

In the beginning he was fighting with me by claiming that he has so many strong feelings for me and that I had a wall up and would not express my emotions. He would also say things like "There must be a reason you are 35 and not married. I am afraid that if I marry you and we go back to your home town that all your ex boyfriends would laugh at me because they know what is wrong with you, which is why they escaped, and I would be the fool who ended up with you" He would then back track these statements by claiming he is a self sabtuer and I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, the only thing that made him happy. And he didn't know how to deal with these feelings.

About a month before he dumped me, I was literally texting him in the morning about what I had for breakfast and he responded with "you are boring and too serious. I can laugh and be happy with other people and not you" I was dumb founded and asked if he had met someone and he told me that he had, but it was just a friend. A woman at his gym. She owned a house and ran marathons and had his sense of humor. Please note then when he first met me, I was the funniest woman he had ever met and he couldn't stop calling me because he wanted to talk to me all day long because we were so good together and could make each other laugh. I got angry and asked if he wanted to break up so that he could date her and reassured me "Don't be silly baby. You are the one I want. You are my girl" Shortly thereafter he got really sick, he suffers from colitis, and ended up in the hospital for 12 days. I was working on a contract that required me to work 7 days, 12 hours a day. He kept telling me to focus on work. At first he wouldn't even give me the name of his hospital, I had to fight him for it saying he was more important. For 5 weeks I worked without a single day off - except for one day I took to sit with him for 7 hours. I worked 14 hours on a Mon and Tue to be with him on a Wed night. He had so many requests of things he needed. I was having items delivered to his room. I was helping him find a new doctor and new hospital when things weren't looking good. He claimed that he needed clothes to wear in the hospital and a new electric tootbrush. I took a 2 hour lunch break on Thur of our last week together and ran around town buying him Nike gym clothes "3 of everything, track pants and t shirts - has to be Nike, none of that cheap shit, and Calvin Klien boxers and a new oral b pro electric toothbrush" My lunch trip cost me $300 and I looked like a wreck because of the way I was working. It was a hot day and I was running around to different places and had to ride the boiling hot subway. The first thing he said when I walked into his hospital room was "you look like shit". He also told me a I had BO and asked if I needed him to teach me about being clean and taking regular showers. He then went on to get angry at me because I had called him from the sporting store to find out which kind of track pants he wanted (I was terrified of making a mistake, he would have had my head if I got the wrong one). He said he needed a woman he can just tell things to and she would run with it. All the while he is also texting me things like it is me and him forever. Making all these plans of things to do when he is better. Saying he wanted to pick up my best friend from law school from the airport when she would visit next month. Up until the day before he dumped me, he said "I have learned that when you find a good thing, you hold on to it, which is why I am holding on to you forever". So I would take his grumpiness and write it off as him being sick.

Sat was my first day in over a month. I offered to come to the hospital but he insisted I stay home and rest because I needed rest too and I had done so much for him. Sun morning he was still into me. I spoke to him on the phone late Sun afternoon and he told me that he no longer wanted to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with me, that he needed to focus on himself to get healthy, but he still wanted me in his life. That he wanted us to re-set and both work on ourselves and then come back around as better people and then give it a go. I ran to the hospital. At first he was welcoming and told me that he missed me so much and was heart broken that I had not come on Sat. If he would told me, I would have dropped everything and gone. He insisted I take the day off. He then told me I was stressing him, as I started to cry, and and threatened to call security on me. Mind you, I had gone there bearing more gifts and his laundry as well. He picked up the phone and started to dial so I left. I cried for 2 hours out side of the hospital with people walking by and staring at me.

The next 9 days he would not let me see him, he had been released by now, and he would not speak to me on the phone. He kept texting me telling me how he was doing and saying that we weren't right for each other and I needed to work on myself, but, "just focus on you when I am better we will meet up and give it a chance, ok, baby?" I kept begging for him to let me come and be with him, to take care of him, cook and clean for him, nurture him. He needed love and support and please don't shut me out. He responded by saying that I was a cause of stress for him. For 9 days he kept me hanging on. Until finally I managed to get him on the phone and he told me that there was no more re-setting or giving it a chance as there was someone else. The woman from the gym, she filled my shoes when I wasn't around. That he needed a girlfriend and I was working (I have to pay my bills and I tried the best I could, and he was the one who kept telling me to focus on work, everytime I was at the hospital I had to fight to get him to let me come). That she made him laugh. That she saw him at his worse and loved him. She owned a home already and was running 5 marathons to raise awareness for colitis. She was his soul mate, everything I am not. That I am a lost soul. I live a meaningless life. I have nothing to show for my life. That the reason we met was so that I could meet him and he could teach me to get my act together so finally I could meet a man. He told me this woman was helping him with his fitness and him and I weren't even physically compatible (even though he admitted I was the best sex of his life) because I clearly didn't care what I looked like and he gave ms so many chances to get fit. The call dropped and he text me to say "Let's meet to talk properly. But, I do not want you. I want this other woman, she is right for me" I didn't respond and 10 min later he followed up with "i don't want to lose you. I still want you in my life as my good friend".

I couldn't sleep at all (how many of my nights were) and at 4am I text him with an itemized list of everything I had bought him while he was in the hospital asking for a reimbursement since he was using that time to emotionally cheat on me. And that he should delete all my pictures (he was constantly taking my pics since he claimed I was the most beautiful woman he had known) and that he was nothing but a nightmare in my life. I have blocked him from the iphone so he can no longer message or call me.

But I want him too. I want him to realize what he did and come back. I don't want it to be over. I blocked him because I am afraid that his words will hurt me more and I can not bear to hear about this other woman. I want the dust to settle and a month or so from now, I want him to want to meet me. I don't know how to feel. I feel like if I had gone to the hospital everyday, if I would have slept there, maybe this could have been avoided. If I had been more serious about my weight and lost 20 lbs, he would still be with me.

Where did I go wrong?

Ps: I found the other woman via his twitter and I was shocked to see that she literally looked like a man. I am not saying this out of bitterness but every single one of my friends whom I sent her picture too thought I was joking initially. She has clearly over trained and is very masculine in body and face and is at least 15 years his senior. I had very long hair and a week before he dumped me I had cut it to shoulder length, which he got upset saying that he likes long hair and I should have consulted him first. This woman has a boy cut. It was all very shocking and none of it makes any sense to me. Please help.