Red Flags

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#1 Jun 24 - 5PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Red Flags

This was in my email today. Too bad it came 10 years too late :[ but it certainly holds true.

June 24, 2011
Warning Signs
Paying Attention to Red Flags

Red flags often come in the form of feelings urging us to pause for a moment, listen to our intuition, and reconsider.

Just as the universe wants to provide for our needs, it also seeks to protect us from dangerous situations, destructive relationships, and even minor inconveniences. Frequently in our lives, perhaps everyday, we encounter psychic red flags warning us of potential problems or accidents. We may not always recognize the signs. However, more often than not, we may choose to ignore our intuition when it tells us that “something just isn’t right.”

Red flags often come in the form of feelings urging us to pause for a moment, listen to our intuition, and reconsider. We may even experience a “bad” feeling in our bellies. This is a red flag letting us know that there may be a problem. We may not even know what the red flag is about. All we know is that the universe is trying to wave us in a different direction. We just have to pay attention and go another way. We may even wonder whether we are paranoid or imagining things. However, when we look back at a situation or relationship where there were red flags, it becomes easy to understand exactly what those warning signs meant. More often than not, a red flag is not a false warning. Rather, it is the universe’s way of informing us, through our own innate guidance system, that our path best lies elsewhere.

We may try to ignore the red flags waving our way, dismissing our unease as illogical. Yet it is always in our best interest to pay attention to them. For example, we may meet someone who outwardly seems perfect. They are intelligent, attractive, and charming. Yet, for some reason, being around them makes us feel uneasy. Any interactions we have with them are awkward and leave us feeling like there is something “off” about the situation. This is not necessarily a bad person. But, for some reason, the universe is directing us away from them. Red flags are intended with our best interests at heart. No harm can ever come from stopping long enough to heed a red flag. Pay attention to any red flags that pop up. The universe is always looking out for you.

Jun 24 - 11PM
fearofuncertainty
fearofuncertainty's picture

you mean the most to yourself

please take good care of yourself, i always believe in karma, if you don't see it yet on your ex, it will be due to come soon...one day! good health and good luck :) just do your best and god will do the rest...
Jun 24 - 8PM
TraumaMamma
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The Daily OM

Got the same one!! :) I felt the same with him. Felt uneasy. A book I recommend that I need to buy and re-read is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. https://www.gavindebecker.com/index.php/resources/book/the_gift_of_fear/ Look how he shows how the Media inspires fear into us! https://www.gavindebecker.com/resources/article/media_fear_tactics/ Great stuff!

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.' --Mary Anne Radmache

Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
wisdomneeded
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ABSOLUTELY

Great! Great! book. It truly is a gift...
Jun 24 - 6PM
Ladydb123
Ladydb123's picture

Red Flag Warnings

Ruby, "The universe is indeed watching and looking out for us". It's the listening part that we so often ignore. I have learned that it takes alot of practice and learning to love myself in a healthy way and I still got caught up in the friendship part.....needless to say I started to catch on and I slowly moved away. I finally got me closure on 6/2. Now I am preparing myself for the next attempt to "Push My Buttons", because it is really getting old, boring because he uses the same words and phrases over and over again. This time I did inform an old dear girlfriend (who knows him) of my side of the story because he started using third parties to paint me as an unstable crazy person. I did delete him from all my friend lists. I will miss the good parts of the friendship but the sick madness needs to go. He can no longer ofter any type of damage control, "I'm sorry". I am getting me back and I know, my enough is enough and it doesn't matter anymore.........I am sending my prayers and healing thoughts to you...
Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

"The universe is indeed watching and looking out for us"

This is something I've often wondered about. Just as I was due to move accross the country to move in with my narc, I was diagnosed with cancer, and all bets were off. At the time I was frantic knowing it was going to change things between us. Turns out the narc couldn't keep up that false mask, and like a true narc, couldn't abide a sick woman. Read more details at: http://cheaterville.com/?page=cheaters&id=3184 My narc gave me the heave ho just after Valentines Day, and soon was in love with another woman with lots of $$$$, a lucrative business, and expensive home. I get that he didn't love me, and can't love her (either of us), but I've often wondered what he needed me for? Here I sit all alone, no money, no job, and wondering what to do next. Yes, I believe some powers that be somewhere was protecting me. Seems weird as the OW looks to being set up to provide money and a luxurious lifestyle for the narc. I think she'll be the one hurt most of all, while I am being spared worse abuse and heartbreak. Must be there's some justice somewhere. I'm just not seeing it right now.
Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
justsayno
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HI SoaperGirl

I was down that road too about 6 months ago, my N took advantage of me financially and also put me in debt, and did not care of my situation, you just have to start at one block at a time and get as much as you can accomplished. I had no idea what the N was and is like till I was involved it's an awful feeling when you just feel like an object after the time you have put into someone you say you love and they say the same thing back, it's like WOW!! HANG in there, it will be fine.
Jun 24 - 6PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

ruby01

how true those words are, I remember the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I went to his house real early on in the relationships, I even use to pop some pills in my mouth to calm the butterflies in my stomach, so there you have my inner gut screaming to me but i refused to listen to it, never again..............I even said to myself driving over there, this is not normal, going to see someone you love should be making you calm,peaceful, happy, those feelings I was not experiencing
Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

gut feelings

I know about gut feelings. In the beginning I would not want to answer the phone when it rang and I knew it was him!! I somehow pushed passed that, I wish I had listened to my instincts but I didn't. I now have met someone who I think is another Narc and the bells are going off big time. I'm supposed to meet him for coffee and I am going to cancel and tell him I've changed my mind about seeing him again. Do any of you ladies feel like a magnet for this sort of person??
Jun 25 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Magnet

I feel totally like a magnet for any man who has mental issues. My ex-husband had been sexually abused and was bipolar. Cheated and left me after over 9 yrs of marriage. CharlieSheenWinning is definitely a narc. I dated what I think might be a psychopath before him -- no empathy, *very* cruel. Before that there was the guy who I was friends with for years. We dated twice -- each time he ended the relationship by simply not returning calls or emails. For all I know, 2 1/2 yrs later we're still dating! I never got a breakup!!! Before *that* was the stalker who wouldn't stop until I threatened police action. Horrid. I was supposed to go on a date last night but was too afraid to confirm it and go. The guy gave off narc vibes and I don't want to be rude, but I really don't want to call him!!!
Jun 24 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
justsayno
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I would stay clear of that I

I would stay clear of that I DO NOT wish any lady to go through that in their life and especially us women with kids, I would like to know from you ladies , when you first met your N, what did he say to put on the charm? and did he ever promise you things that he never followed through? another thing my N did that had me fooled he was very involved with the church food bank, supposedly he was helping out, I HAVE no idea really even if that was true, I had been lied too so many times even caught him in hes lies and he would always try to make me believe otherwise. and yes your right when we are in love with a man we should have the butterfly feelings from excitement, not from fear and anxiety. Like we did something wrong and we are going to be punished from our dad.
Jun 25 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

He charmed me big time. There

He charmed me big time. There were so many things he lied about and never followed up on, I couldn't write them all down. One big thing that really sucked me in was he promised to take me to Egypt (I've always wanted to go there) when he got his next payment from the illegal activities he did. Well, that never happened! He also joined the gym where I worked as a personal trainer and aerobics instructor even though he HATES working out because he thinks he's perfect... He went twice... That's not exactly a lie but he signed up for a 12 month contract to try and impress me with no intention of actually going!
Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
Ladydb123
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Yes Daisyd

Oh Yes, so run away fast, listen to your gut and don't let him get in to your recovering world.........
Jun 25 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

Yep

Already gave him the cancel notification, by e-mail, I don't even want to talk to him. When I had coffee with him the first time he was like a robot of a person, he laughed and smiled but the smile never touched his eyes and the laugh seemed contrived and I'm a funny woman.