RedMist's Story

Where to begin?...

We met 11 years ago in the UK and to be honest his love bombing was immediate but although I thought it was cute it took months for me to fall for him. Once I did tho there was no going back. I thought he was my soulmate and I would have done anything for him. I was due to go travelling shortly after we met and because he said he missed me so much I ended up cutting it short to fly to South Africa (where he is from) to be with him. That should have been my first clue something wasn't right. He wasn't happy for me to go travelling and literally told me he couldn't go on much longer without me. Once I got to South Africa he quickly asked me to marry him. I was over the moon. We hadn't even been together a year. Massive red flag but I believed the fairy story.
Anyway we came back to the UK and moved in together and that's when things started to change. He wouldn't take responsibility for any of the bills, wouldn't help at all domestically but criticised my efforts repeatedly.. I left him. He hoovered me after three months..he still loves me, he realises his mistakes blah blah. We got back together.

Fast forward to now and we have two beautiful daughters. He is and always has been an awful father. He never had time for them. Refused to take them anywhere and was strict and controlling. My eldest is the golden child..'when you look in that girl's eyes all you will see is me' is a recent quote of his. My sister describes them as merely wallet photos to him and that just sums it up.

We never got married, he always got cold feet when it got to the planning stage.

Anyway last year my world fell apart when I realised he had set up online adult dating profiles. Slept with a girl from work and had a year long Internet affair with an ex in South Africa. The lies he told were incredible he often swears on his kids lives even when faced with proof of his lies.
I had an STI (how unlucky considering he only slept with one other girl)! Suddenly I realised this man was a serial cheat. I honestly until this point never would have thought it.

Still I didn't leave but by then he had become impossible. Nothing I did, said or tried seemed to please him. I was often given the silent treatment and he became addicted to online gaming. I asked him to leave. He did but the pain and cruelty that followed has nearly killed me. He immediately resumed contact with OW in SA telling her within a month he loved her and using the same 'love language' we had used for 11 years. He tried to destroy me financially. Rubbished my feelings, used the kids. Then to top it off made secret plans to return to SA abandoning his children and not paying for them. I found out by hacking his email. That is where we are now,he flies next month. My children are devastated. I asked him yesterday so were the whole 11 years a lie.. His reply 'not all of it'. I don't know how I will ever recover from this.