Second year anniversary, no narc for two years,
Second year anniversary, no narc for two years,
Today marks the two year anniversary of my divorce. I can finally say that this day did not produce any feelings of hurt, regret or pain! I never thought that I would finally feel this way. There was a time when anniversaries and birthdays brought about lots of painful feelings. I did feel sad today when I realized what day it was but it was not the first thing on my mind this morning. I only realized what day it was when I wrote an email.
With that said, I want to share ending thoughts about these last black chapters of my life. I have decided that this is what I will believe about my ex husband. First I want to say that we non narc people have our moments when we blow up, we get angry or maybe tell a lie or perhaps take some office supply home. This moments are not a good part of our personality but we have these "moments". They do not define who we are, we feel badly for reacting that way and we apologize and work at not repeating them. Once again they are moments and do not define us!
Narcs, they have their "moments" when they act caring, loving and genuinely ok. I know my ex husband had those small moments, they were far few between and ended as quickly as they came. But he had them. Those " moments" did not define who he was! He choose to not live his life within those moments, he chose to fight them and live in deceit, lies, betrayals and using people. The ugliness of his disorder is who he is 99.9% of the time.
So today I just feel sad that he didn't the ability to chose the other, who knows maybe he could maybe he couldn't. All I do know for certain is that it didn't happen. We could have had it all. our marriage had its "moments" but you can make a marriage work on just scattered "moments". I tried, does not work.
I have no regrets, I stayed for 12 years. Forgave 3 affairs and countless of mistreatment. I tried hard to keep that marriage together, I truly loved him. But enough is enough, 4th affair woke me up.
So today brings about a sadness, but it is a good sadness, it is not a sadness filled with pain, or hurts. Just a sadness of losing something that meant a lot to me. I have the rest of my life ahead of me, I've learned to make better choices and to be cautious.
I no longer hate him, I have no feelings for him, not good ones and not bad ones. I have reached complete apathy.
For those of you that are not there yet, do not give up. You will get there, implement NO CONTACT! As best you can, those with minor children I know it's hard. Set your boundaries and never ever let the narc break the boundaries. That will also give you just as much power as NC.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Joy2me
joy
congrats on your 2 year 'Narc-mark'!
Joy--this is absolutely
Joy
A+ for this report
You are a strong woman
one day
You will!
It does take
one day
CONGRATS