"separating culpability from context"

I had a thing happen at work today, in which I did something with full good intentions but it kind of took on a life of its own when one person confused me with someone else and then someone else confused my area of work with another area of work - and before I knew it I had numerous people upset with me and I was sending out apologies all over the place.

I then met for lunch with an ex-colleague who I would barely call a friend, more of an acquaintance, and as I was upset about the work situation I shared it with her. About 10 minutes later she asked me about my private life, and because she had shared with me her parents were BPD and NPD respectively, I told her a bit about life with my ex.

"Hang on", she said, "you have just told me the same story twice. In both the work situation and in that relationship you are acting with good intention, wanting to make things positive and good. In both cases you end up taking responsibility for other people's mistakes, apologising for things that weren't your fault. You should learn to separate culpability from context".

Wow did I sit there and cry into my salad. It hit home SO hard - I am doing it again. Whatever shit anyone is wanting to dump on me, I just take it on. And I am no push-over, most people perceive me to be a loud-mouthed asshole, frankly. I should learn to walk my talk a little more and SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES.

From now on whenever I am in any area of conflict, however minor, I am going to ask myself: am I actually responsible for this? Did my actions or words cause this?

Any other advice greatly appreciated. Ugh. I am exhausted with myself.