Should I break NC to tell him not to contact me?

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#1 Feb 8 - 4AM
dietcokeontherocks
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Should I break NC to tell him not to contact me?

I am so grateful for whatever search found me this forum, because everything suddenly makes sense. My N was textbook - in fact I've read so many stories here that could easily be the same man. Or at least they are using the same user manual!

I was with the N for over 3 years. Only the first couple months were good, and the rest of it was a confusing blur of D&D. I was blind to what was happening and blamed myself for not being good enough.

Over Christmas, it all came together inside me and I realized that I just need to let go. I simply stopped responding to him. After a month, I was feeling weak and searching online for tips on how to maintain NC, and was astounded to find this forum. Turns out this guy wasn't special at all - he was reading from the same script as so many Ns here. And worse, I wasn't special either, I followed the script perfectly and played right into his hands.

Anyway, I am still NC. Everything is blocked except for the phone/texts. However, he is texting asking me what happened, why am I not responding to him. I never actually told him to stop contacting me, I just stopped reaching out and stopped answering. And now that a month or two has gone by, with none of his messages answered, he is wanting to know the reason.

I understand contact = pain. I think I could work through just not answering. But I wasn't sure, would it be better for me to send one brief "do not contact me ever again" message to make it clear, or should I let my silence do the talking?

In the thick of it all, I have certainly had days and weeks of silent treatment from him. I think I found that more difficult to deal with than the abuse. So I'm just worried that I'm turning into him by going dark with no explanation. I don't want to be like him. I actually think it's reasonable that he's asking where I am. I think it mght not be hoovering since I never told him I wanted to end it with him.

Will I save a lot of grief if I tell him it's over? Or is that re-opening the door I've kept closed for a month now? I really don't know what to do. We do not have any shared property or children, so I really could just continue to be silent.

He said he wants to know the reason. I want to write "Because I know the truth about you. Never contact me again." I want him to know it's not me, it's him. I don't really want to hurt him (because I don't like hurting people, and anyway he probably wouldn't get hurt by anything I could say). But now typing this out, maybe I do want to hurt him back a bit. So that line above probably isn't right.

To sum it up, I initiated NC with no warning, and he's trying to reach me to find out why. I feel like I'm reflecting his nasty ST behavior and want to respond in some way to ensure he knows the reason I'm not in contact is BECAUSE IT'S OVER. But at the same time I am worried this is breaking NC and I have been doing very well with that.

Either way I'll block him on my phone. I am worried he'll try to track me down out of concern. I do think if I told him, he would respect my NC wishes for at least a short time. And that would give me time to block and firm up my NC commitment so I will not get messed up by a future hoover attempt.

HELP!!!!

Feb 9 - 2PM
brinamarie
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I understand not wanting to

Feb 8 - 11AM
Not your blow u...
Not your blow up doll's picture

Hold on to NC. It is the

Feb 8 - 10AM
lessonlearned
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responding to him

Feb 8 - 10AM
Ali15
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Stay NC it's hard but things

Feb 8 - 10AM
Used
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If you bought something from

Feb 8 - 9AM
Deidre99
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I do agree with the others

Feb 8 - 9AM
Garden
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You being silent says it all.

Feb 8 - 11AM (Reply to #37)
leslieisback
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He blocked me, so me going NC

Feb 8 - 8AM
Janie53
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Dietcoke

Feb 8 - 8AM
Hunter
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Ha.. Contact to tell him

Feb 8 - 7AM
redflagswaving
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In a word NO!

Feb 8 - 7AM
talktothehand
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dietcoke

Feb 8 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
leslieisback
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Going NC is hard because it

Feb 8 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
talktothehand
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Leslie

Feb 8 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
leslieisback
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It is just so hard to grasp

Feb 8 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
talktothehand
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Leslie

Feb 9 - 3AM (Reply to #10)
Journey
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I second ttth here. Leslie,

Journey on...

Feb 9 - 5AM (Reply to #11)
leslieisback
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I read the books.I just

Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
talktothehand
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Leslie

Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
IncognitoBurrito
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There's a

Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #32)
Used
Used's picture

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL... I feel

Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #14)
talktothehand
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twisting in the wind

Feb 9 - 12PM (Reply to #15)
IncognitoBurrito
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It's rough

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #23)
talktothehand
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Boot camp

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #24)
Used
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Good Idea...Kinda like

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #25)
talktothehand
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used

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #26)
Used
Used's picture

talktothehand

Feb 9 - 3PM (Reply to #31)
Janie53
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Used

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #28)
talktothehand
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Humour

Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
Used
Used's picture

talktothehand