Thanks for your comments Ruby and better off. I agree with both of you.
I agree with Better Off that they do foster dependence, but then, I allowed this as well. I wanted an "easier path" LOL. It's so hard to understand how they profit from dumping us and hurting us. Of course they deny this adamantly. And Supposedly suffer. I guess mine didn't really suffer too much because he had a new supply source lined up even before I left. All so confusing sometimes. At times I can be clear-headed, at others I find myself back in the pit of self-blame, self-pity and self-questioning and regret. I'm just trying to find my way and not make the same mistakes again.
As several of you may be, I too am looking for work in a terrible economy and not having much success. This certainly makes it much harder to move on as I still feel financially dependent on Him, at least until we go to court May 5th and let the judge decide. Of course he was unwilling to "settle" outside of court. Thanks for all your support. CM
Cassiemay,
My narcissist also had his new supply lined up. In fact, he was planning on just leaving me abruptly without me knowing he already had another woman lined up. But God helped me discover his crafty plan, I actually prayed for God to show me what was going on with him since he was acting extra-weird, and he did show me, I discovered a secret email account that he was using to email the other woman. He met her 1 year ago, and he had been "working her" so she could be the next wife. He has been working like a snake, in a pretty deceitful, manipulative, and calculating way, deceiving me to believe everything was normal, but behind the scenes he had already spotted her and was crafting his plan of attack to conquer her and leave me. He was actually pretty cruel, he was having me plan and work on a big Christmas family reunion at our home for all his family members, only to divorce me right after the new year, how cruel is this! I was going above and beyond and "all out" in planning the best Christmas ever for his family, I was pouring my heart, soul, creativity, and money to make this the best Christmas ever, I was putting together some special family photo slide shows, special menus, personalized gifts, itinerary with activities for every one, etc. I can't believe he was heart-less enough to make me work this hard with the plans of divorcing me after the new year. In the meantime, he was already lining up the new girl he wants to marry. These guys are absolutely selfish and cruel.
Narcissists have intelectual capacity and instead of just entering a relationship normally they are scheming their way into your world. Remember their world is empty so they want to steal yours. It would be like going to a party with the intention of robbing the host. You aren't meeting peope, enjoying the food, or whatever you are looking around for what it is you want to steal, you are cold, calculating, and self-serving. Most people are at the party to have fun and enjoy the event-the narcissist is there to steal something. It is a totally different mind-set, goal, process and objective. It is also foreign to other people. they are on a totally different wave-length than the other people yet they seem the same.
most people post about emotional encounters with narcissists I have a business partner who is one. Talk about the roller coaster ride of the century! He is a great worker and money maker but I never know what is going to happen day to day. He doesn't steal money he just dramas and dramas and dramas. I finally learned to fall asleep with my eyes open during the dramas. Less stressful and confusing that way!
Carolyn
why we are attracted
My N also had his supply lined up....
down with bad boys