" Son of a Preacher Man"

"Son of a Preacher Man”
HELP!!!! Met N almost 2 yrs ago, swept me off my feet ! So extremely handsome, funny, entrepreneur, son of a preacher man. Thought what a keeper and he would never hurt me because he was the son of a “preacher man”- would never cheat, having compassion and respect. N however did tell me he wanted to be honest after a 19 yr marriage, got involved with drugs after he lost everything his family and wife. Was sober for 3 yrs prior to meeting me. Initially, I thought ughh red flag he was involved with drugs 3 yrs ago but the empathetic part of me felt bad that he lost everything and admired him for re-establishing his life and now soaring with his business. I always feel “people can change” He told me he prayed for a “woman like me” and I was his “soul mate”. He made me feel special and intimacy was so amazing. The the 1st two months he went all out for me and couples months later I felt he was not into me 100% just distracted by other things less and really pulled back. I then began pursuing him and constantly doing everything in my power to please him. I spoiled him with all 5 love languages. He loves gifts and money being spent on him. Well 1 yr into the relationship I spent almost $7000 on him always paying for all our dates and spontaneous gifts. He was a cheapskate with me always allowed me to pay $$, took advantage because he knew financially I do well as a business woman but I’m still a single parent. Four months into the relationship at his home I’m approached by his ex gf in his parking lot and informed that she slept with my N, she bragged and even and physically attacked me. N was shocked, admitted he slept with his ex- gf because she offered to invest in a major deal $$$$ which he could profit with and he took the “ bait” = sex. I was completely devastated broke up for 1 week and let him back in my life with the agreement he could never ever have anything to do with ex gf. From that point on, my anxiety was out of control did not trust him, always checking out girls that walked by "wandering eyes"I was so INSECURE. For almost 2 yrs full of sadness, self doubt, anxiety, anger resentment. Emotional rollercoaster and I was obsessed with making him happy so he would never hurt me again. However recently, about 2 months ago I found out he began working with ex gf and getting referrals for work. Almost 6 months ago he was sneaking behind my back and getting business with the ex gf when his company was slow. WTF this lady – ex-gf attacked me physically, mentally and emotionally . How could he have anything to do with her? I warned him the 1st time he cheated any form of communication with his ex, I would be done forever. He cried told me he would make it right and wanted to marry me and would ensure no business deals with ex gf would ever happen. He agreed to give me proof a phone call to ex-gf after the business but he needed to time to wrap up loose ends and finished a deal he already started with her and would lose thousands and thousands of $$$ if he ended ties at that time.. So now 2 months later business is done, but excuses such as waiting for a certain permit to come in blah blah and can’t be done but soon... “ So I can’t handle this BS and dragging it out, I told him recently stay out of my life forever BUT if he made a phone call and proved to me by telling the ex –gf would have nothing to do with her ( biz) because he loved me then I would let him back into my life. What’s wrong with me adding a BUT in there after saying I'm done! Help, I really underneath it want him gone!! I know I have to be direct, no contact, indicate to N there are no chances to ever make it right! He’s sick total N- very boastful, needs constant validation – attention ,everything is about money, fancy things, status but cheapskate with me, liar, doesn’t remember the pain and feelings he caused when he hurts me total disconnection no perspective 0%, thinks he so special unique- grandiose not God’s gift to woman but God’s gift to “humanity” is where he comes from. The crazy part is I know I will be happier without him and life will get so much better mentally, emotionally, financially and physically when I totally cut ties with N but I let him wiggle his way back to me. CRAZY!!! Son of a preacher a man, yah right actually the fallen dark angel! I have a great soul and I know I have something to offer a relationship -I'm compassionate, attractive, financially successful and graduated college with honors but must not think much of myself really because why would I have put up for 2 yrs with this N! --- 2muchpain. ( Oh my this was a novel, sorry for the length)