SOS

I sure hope today is a better day...Love your posts, keep up the good work! Love you here! XOXOXOXOX

I remember feeling the exact same way a few weeks ago when I was considering suicide. On the days when I wasn't feeling suicidal, I would think exactly the same thing, about checking in to a psychiatric hospital. It was basically that feeling of "I can't go on like this, I need to escape from life by whatever means". Some time out in a hospital doing absolutely nothing sounded really appealing. But it does pass. I'm feeling much better these days. I mean, I still get stabs of longing for the xn, and I suspect somewhere inside me, all my rage and anger at him wasting another year of my life and fertility and at my STILL being alone and single at 42, is packed into a box and hidden away, but by and large I'm just going along with the flow at the moment and trying to trust that it's taking me to somewhere better. I'm so sorry that you're having a bad time at the moment and I TOTALLY understand. But it will lift even though it doesn't feel like it now xx

Today is a new day...lucky to have been given another one I presume...LOL - it was just bad energy yesterday, I won't get too cocky, but not in as deep despair. AND, my mother was in full force and effect! I've decided however, that I need the community to assist me on this one thing. I believe that our minds have the power to do alot of damage if there is enough collective energy. I think today would be a perfect day for the narc to have an "accident" of sorts...not a fatal one but something that will bring him back down to size. I would like all of you to join me in this little vision, putting forth all your energy *which benefits you too because then you are not thinking about your narcs...LOL Today is the day that the Narc, shall have a very bad case of the runs. He works in a tuxedo shop. A very beautiful woman shall be his first "customer" one whose pants he'd like to get into and the morning coffee shall be working it's magic. We will assume he had a very large dinner - that some other woman, one of perhaps many in his dinner whore black book prepared for him. And as the beautiful customer is asking questions about tuexedos and such, his stomach shall start percolating, and his co-worker will BE OUT OF THE STORE, on VACATION! The narc will be the only one in the store, with nowhere to go. He shall excuse himself to run upstairs to the bathroom in the store, but not make it there on time. There will be NO SOAP in the bathroom, and they will be down to only three sheets of toilet paper. The Narc will have to come back downstairs to provide assistance to this beautiful woman whose pants he wants to get into - and have to spend the entire day at work in this compromising condition. Focus, and envision this...that is all I ask of my sisters today....LOL Have a good one! Thanking you in advance for your collective conscious. (Geesh - I hope the new site has a spell checker!)

How old is your son? ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

deserves a career as a best-selling author. I still think back on it an laugh - especially the hemerroids part. You rock Michele and you bring so much to all of us.

In just a little over a month, you have blasted the board with quotable quotes, your amazing posts have been copied and pasted to the new board, I even nominated your Anti_Narc Manifesto for some kind of cannonization . . . I mean to do something with it :) You mean a lot to us. You have a beautiful, strong voice, your soul comes out and shows us who you are. Your body might be all messed up and your finances too . . . but you shine through all that. You already have what is "most important" to have, the most valuable thing, and I think I can say it is well seen and cherished around here. What you write and say could not be said with such power if it were only a small, insignificant part of you. Does that make sense? I remember my first few months "out". I was in a cabin on a mountain, with no neighbors and a town of 400 folks more or less participating in the smear campaign. Either that or they felt so damn SORRY for me they could barely look at me, like I had been burned beyond recognition. All I had was farm animals (not to be knocked at all) and an internet connection, through which I participated in a forum like this one, only about abusers in general instead of Narcs. All I had was my connection with a bunch of ladies who'd been there/done that and were a few steps ahead of me. Dammit, that was the most valuable thing I had. I knew it, too. I had NO income, at all. I'd given half of what was left to my lawyer as a retainer. I went to the foodbank (along with 90% of that godforsaken place). I smoked rollie cigs. I talked to goats and they started answering me back, in English. Things were pretty rough. I was ferking anemic when I finally left that place. I could not digest a normally balanced, variable diet without bloating and FARTING for two weeks because of the nine months of beans, rice and spagetti. I was so absolutely, bottomlessly ALONE. Just some virtual ladies in a virtual community, most of whom I didn't even know their first name. I hung on to them for dear life, because that's pretty much what they were to me. They wrote back (and later phone calls) with me as if I were kind of cool. Huh? They acted like they admired and liked me. Even though I was puking my guts up and MISERABLE psychologically speaking. They saw through it, brushed the barf off of my face and told me I was kind of cool in spite of it all. That worked on me like no therapy ever did. I didn't wake up one day BELIEVING them, suddenly bursting with self esteem and self acceptance for my abysmal life situation. It worked on me slowly. Somebody . . . a few of them anyway, valued me. I had not felt valued in soooo long. We value you, Michelle :) When I reached out to help other ladies a few steps behind me, even though I had about three months of NC and was still a huge mess, I felt better. Even THEY felt better, and that REALLY made me feel better :D If you keep walking forward . . . OK, limping or crawling or dragging yourself, whatever . . . your life will change. Profoundly. Mostly because you will look at it differently, but also because in your new perspective, you will feel able to take advantage of opportunities that come your way . . . whereas in your previous misery, they'd have gone right over your head. It's probably obvious I'm just telling you MY story, how I was once so stuck but somehow came unstuck. I might be arrogant to think my "story" is potentially anyone's story, but heck, there it is. I have great hope for you, as do we all :) ((((((Michelle)))))))

you were such an inspiration to me so many times, i wish i could do the same for you. you're such an amazing writer and such a beautiful woman. i hate to see you so sad... i know i'm not much help, but if you ever need/want to talk, you have a friend here in NM... love you...

Allthatglitters and onwithmylife Don't want to complain no point in it...it just is what it is, it will pass...

From the lady you helped out a lot and would like to return a favor do not know where you live but I am a poor soul and cannot afford therapy, so i have gone to a college in the town not far from where I live and go see a student, working on their masters degree in counseling, they have to see students as part of their program, last year I had a great therapist, an older guy and he was out of site, this year more of a young fellow,not quite the same but hey, its FREE, see if you can get into something like where you live or nearby. Supposedly any type of mild exercise is good for fibro, it is suppose to help.I never had any luck with meetup groups, how about volunteering at something you like to do, few thoughts to think about.............