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Stand tall when they accuse YOU of being nuts when YOU start to talk back

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#1 Jul 11 - 7PM
cindy222
cindy222's picture

Stand tall when they accuse YOU of being nuts when YOU start to talk back

When I finally started fighting back, my Narc started accusing me of being "nuts" and hormonal, imagining things, not listening properly, telling lies......etc..

In my case, he told people that I was "nuts" and not to listen to anything I was saying, as because I was so deeply depressed, I didn't know what I was saying or doing.

And People believed him!!!!!!

I had to fight really hard to get rid of him.

Each time I got stronger, he would use his words again and again.

Like....deep down I still have feelings for you, but I need more time to work through things.

WTF.!!!!!!!!!!!

He had already had 6months to work things out.

Another good one was " I still love you and want to try again"...but, he was still DATING other woman!!!!

Anyway......
Yes they are very powerful with their words and the "poor little me" routine.
My exs "poor little me'' routine was perfect.
It worked on me everytime, until someone said....

"Actions speak louder than words"

For me that was a wakeup call.

I started remembering his words, and saw that he never put them into action, but before that I was still in shock and couldn't think clearly.

We should try to remember that others can see clearly, because they are not "emotionally" involved like we are.
All the things and sayings that we know, have gone out the window, because we are so stressed and confused.
So make sure you read and re read, listen and re listen to all the advice, so you can get your thoughts back to normal.

When I finally stood up and got rid of him....(shit hit the fan) and he accused ME of being "nuts"and hormonal!
He told everyone who would listen, and then would tell me THEY were the ones saying I was "nuts".

Well I now have "nuts' ,because I grew some..hahah
And yes I am hormonal....who wouldn't be after going through what we are put through?

But.......I am free and completely sane, NOW that he has gone.

So just remember, they will always get nastier when they see YOU get stronger and start to stand up for yourself and want to move on.

They HATE being the one that was REJECTED.

They want to be the one TO REJECT YOU.

Jul 12 - 1PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

I simply got blanked for

I simply got blanked for daring to stand up to him. Unfortunately when he decided to stop blanking me, he found I'd gone NC. You've never seen someone run back so desperately and be so "nice" (as in fakey-fake obvious nice). And yes, he wants to reject ME. I'm not allowed to have rejected HIM first. Naughty!
Jul 12 - 1PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

cindy

he dumped me in the end but at least I finally, after 15 years, stood up for myself when i asked him in a letter, he had moved to another state, for equality treatment where we both both our wants and needs on the table,not just all about HIM, did he explode in the phone call we had and in the next letter to me, I was a cunt, whore, slut, offering free sex on Craigslist, all his words, he was so enraged because i dare to speak up for myself, a total control freak in every sense of the word.
Jul 11 - 11PM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mine came to our 2nd therapy session and said I was in desperate

need of help. I was "crazy". I was a "control freak". he "was worried about me and as someone who loves me, he needed to show up to voice his concerns". He twisted everything around. I had to clarify the LIES with the therapist at my next session with her. she had no idea what he was doing. the entire session was a complete blindside. but I have one up on him. I have gone missing. I will do NC, one moment at a time, one day at a time, until forever happens. and yes- there is a piece of me that will find great dignity in him wondering why, how and if... I am gone from his life forever. This is his sentence for being a pathetic tiny little man narcissist with no hope for change.
Jul 11 - 10PM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Boy do I hear this! I was

Boy do I hear this! I was labelled an ungrateful bitch because I stood up for myself and his Ill treatment. So he D&D'd me, probably to teach me a lesson and pull me back into line. But it didn't work, I wouldn't let him come back. Now I won't speak to him and communication regarding our child is via text or email- I refuse to give him the privilege of talking to me.
Jul 11 - 9PM
Erali
Erali's picture

For me it was "Why do you

For me it was "Why do you always complicate things?" I was calling him on shit from the beginning, and he was weaseling his way out of shit from the beginning.
Jul 11 - 8PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

The only times we fought were

The only times we fought were when I called him out on his failing to follow through on stuff he said he'd do. I wasn't "nuts," though - I was "irrational."
Jul 11 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
cindy222
cindy222's picture

I use to get...'the only

I use to get...'the only times we fight is when my brother is here' hmmm...that was true, but his brother would verbally abuse and bully me too, and my ex never stood up for me. When I pulled him up over this, he would say...'I don't like confrontations" And yet he would confront me all the time!!!! Or he would say...'it was probably because of what YOU said first, or the tone of YOUR voice... I use to believe him!!!!!!!!! I questioned myself..... hmmmm....gaslighting!!!! No wonder we tear out hair out!!!! I have to admit, I felt like a ping pong ball....back and forwards, back and forwards..... Whenever I 'called him out'...I would get... "You are paranoid" "I need to be alone" "I need to spend the day at the Mall and get away from you" Which i know now really meant...I am meeting the OW for the day!!!
Jul 11 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Gullable1
Gullable1's picture

My favorite

Looking back I have forgotten so much? My narc blames me for all his behavior. He no longer bothers trying schmooze, he has moved on to extortion. Some blast from the past?.... Ahhhh "Im so committed to you, yet it's been 3 weeks since something happened and we still are not living together, I've been waiting 10 years." " well, i did try to sleep with your friend, but that's because you leave me alone too much" " that's all the Money you have for me,?" "I can't have sex, I'm just not attracted to you, but I love you" "how many times do I have to tell you this will never happen again?" ( usually said after an affair, ow or some woman he was trying to bed) Ugh....
Jul 11 - 8PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

Exactly!!

Mine for the last year kept saying " I'm trying to figure it out" "I still live you deeply" but "im healing myself and figuring myself out" Translation: I want to keep you around as an option and supply while I try to get my young whore OW back and by saying things you want to hear I can do whatever I want and string you along even more... But I called him out, demanded the truth, asked for ANY words of substance and asked if OW knew all the things he was telling me. That didn't go over well at all. I am supposed to be nice sweet toy, not one that asks questions and doesnt want to play anymore!!! He then told quite a few people I had been "bothering" him!!!!! I have NC fir almost 3 months (yeah...) and I saw him last week, he walked past me w hateful look on his face and didnt say a word. .. We have been in each others lives fir 11 years... A couple days later he texted me "u made it this way" Because I WILL NOT play anymore with the selfish DRB!!! (dirty rat bastard ) Ugh!!!