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Step Number One = No Contact!

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#1 Dec 24 - 10AM
KittyRising
KittyRising's picture

Step Number One = No Contact!

Leaving a N is not like breaking up with anyone else! I have left relationships or had others leave me my entire life. I remember the normal way and this is definitely off the charts.

I have been reading articles on line which is helpful. The only solution I see is NC. It's not like my ex-boyfriend whom I am good friends with or my ex-husband whom connects every couple years or so. This is sinister and evil. His "love" for me consists now of not respecting my boundaries whatsoever. He loves to call me from an unknown number then attempt to get a couple abusive sentences in prior to me hanging up on him.

I don't understand him. He is physically ill now! He can't get out of bed. He is vomiting blood. I am so cruel and abusive. This my Dear Readers is after week of his verbal vomit at me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now? Well. Maybe I "don't have it" and can I come see him for Christmas? He is over his anger now so I should be over it. He liked to say when I lived with him and had nowhere else to go "get over it in a nano-second!"

Oh my! And, he is now having his Mother contact me! I told him to leave me alone after weeks of his harassment, emails, text messages, calls at work etc. Blocked him and filtered. The phone just rang and it was her. She left me a voice mail.

WHEN does this all end!

Let's all feel sorry for him now right? Come on. He is so abused, neglected and hurt in love.

Augghhh!

Kat

Dec 24 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Tell his mother she caused

Tell his mother she caused this problem and he's all hers.. Block her too.. NC is all you can do.. You must erase him and everyone acquainted with him.. "Verbal vomit" love it.. If he is vomiting blood 911 is an option..if he can dial you he can dial for real help. Not your problem.. Hunter
Dec 24 - 10AM
KittyRising
KittyRising's picture

Don't go it alone...

Good on line article. I feel like sh*% this morning and it's Christmas Eve. When does it all end? Voice message from his mother that "I need" to make a decision if it's "on or off". Unbelievable! He will use any tactic in his arsenal to get me to respond or connect. Why can't he just LEAVE ME ALONE? http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/SeparatingAndDivorcing.html "Leaving a spouse or partner who suffers from a personality disorder can be one of the loneliest experiences in the world. Yes, you are leaving behind some of the chaos and fear but you are also giving up on "the dream" of a happy relationship and you will grieve and mourn for the loss of something that was important to you. Many people feel guilt because they are abandoning their post as caretaker of the person who suffers from a personality disorder. You may feel responsible for what happens to that person after you are gone. You may feel an overwhelming sense of failure as you reflect on marriage vows, promises made, good intentions unfulfilled. You may regret having brought children into a world full of chaos. These feelings are normal. Many of us find ourselves going through some - or all - of the "five stages of grief" as we try to come to terms with our situation. This is a time to surround yourself with as much support as you can – from sound legal representation and advice to good friends, responsible and supportive family members, support groups, message boards like this, therapists and counselors. You will go through the roller coaster of emotions. Fill your life with as many strong allies and good things as you can to help you cope."
Dec 24 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Excellent article Kitty

And one we should all take heed of. It is so not us, it is definitely them. As for the mommy scenario, not a new trick for any of the Ns, just follow the NC rule. Stay strong. Dee x
Dec 24 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
KittyRising
KittyRising's picture

Clarity...

I talked to his Mother and she is actually finally (he has a legacy of abuse with past women) admitting things about her son. She said she thought he should be on his meds. Meds? Hmmm... She also read the book I recommended to him "Why Does He Do That" - Lundy Bancroft and said to me that she can see that he is acting like "one of the men in the book". He has now gone from "sick, vomiting, suicidal" to attacking me behind my back to her and in emails to me. This is in a space of literally hours. Puh-lease! Oh my. They really can't (don't want to) are not capable of (unredeemable) change? His Mother said that she saw we "both" had problems. But, in the same paragraph of conversation said that he doesn't see that he needs to change at all. This same man took anger management with "Mario Cuomo" and "J. Victor Reilly" (was that a lie) but still managed to be convicted of felonies after his second marriage. "Mr. Fix-It" beat his first wife, his second wife, his ex-girlfriend and there are volumes of his abuse towards me. When I found out breaking up with him that he took anger management I was angry! I can see him now in those court ordered classes and voluntary classes the "man in charge" of it all. I think I am finally getting the statement that "at all costs the N cannot be wrong". Hope. Love. Forgiveness. Determination. Moving on... - Kitty
Dec 24 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Blessed
Blessed's picture

KittyRising

Kitty, I worry a bit for your personal safety. His insistence that you allow him into your world, coupled with his history means this is serious business. Please document all of his attempts at contact, and keep your boundaries rigid. Be safe Sweetheart. xox