Things to do for yourself, and not focus on the Narcissist

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#1 Apr 5 - 9PM
Elena
Elena's picture

Things to do for yourself, and not focus on the Narcissist

I thought it would be productive to start a forum to give eachother ideas on things we can do for ourselves as we go through the process of getting over the narcissist in our lives. These guys have conditioned our minds to be focused on them. Now we need to condition our minds to not focus on them, and take care of ourselves as we go through the healing process. Here are some good ideas:

1. Going to counseling on a regular basis
2. Spending time with family regularly during the week, if they are long distance - contact via phone or email
3. Scheduling a lunch, or a dinner, or coffee with a friend once a week
4. Picking up your favorite gourmet coffee
5. Going to the spa for a facial or massage
6. Take a dance lesson - swing, salsa, merengue, ballroom dancing, etc.
7. Take a class to learn another language, I would love to learn Italian!
8. Saving money for a trip, I would love to go to Europe. This gives me something to look forward to...
9. Picking up a new outfit. I found a really nice suit today for just $20.00 at Ross.
10. Going to a museum. I went to see a medieval art exhibition this past weekend and it was so interesting!
11. Hold someone's baby. This feels like you're embracing the essence of "life". My sister has twins, so I get to hug them frequently
12. Stop to see the toulips or to smell the roses! Embrace nature! I have toulips in my front yard, and I was ignoring them, and my neighbor reminded me that my toulips were beautiful and I needed to stop and admire their beauty
13. Get your nails done, you can even do this at home
14. Soak your feet in hot water with scented soap
15. Get in a bubble bath, put some music in the background. Light a scented candle.
16. Watch cartoons every once in a while! On Saturday AM, and eat pancakes! Yummy! This reminds me of my childhood
17. Or watch an episode of "I love Lucy" - this can be refreshing, as it is light and funny content
18. Grab a book and sit outside, and enjoy the Spring breeze the touch of the wind, and the sound of the trees
19. Go watch a movie! Comedy helps!
20. Exercise
21. Go back to school
22. Go get a make over, MAC does a pretty good job!
23. Listen to music during routine activities such as cooking, cleaning, or doing bills, to lighten things up
24. Get a new haircut or hair color
25. Pick a special occasion to go to the theatre, Opera, or a concert!
26. Get a pet. I have 2 siamese cats and they are so therapeutic!
27. Write on a journal

If you have kids (Here's my sister's contribution to the forum):

1. Go to the park with the kids
2. Go to the zoo
3. Make a pizza together
4. Bake cookies or brownies
5. Make home made popcorn and watch a movie
6. Do some crafts together
7. Take them to "story time" at the Library
8. Make root beer floats
9. Some art museums have an area where kids can do art
10. Go for a picnic, just take a blanket and a cooler with sandwiches and drinks. Take a ball for the kids, and a book for yourself
11. Put a puzzle together
12. Make artwork with finger paint
13. Make scrapbooks

Ladies, any other ideas?

Sep 2 - 3PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

I just stumbled upon this post and loved it

Anything that you can do to get "outside" of yourself for awhile is great. I know that in the beginning you may not "feel" like doing anything. I had to force myself. I did many of the things on here and it helps. God bless, Goldie
Apr 9 - 8PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Be a volunteer. There is

Be a volunteer. There is something about volunteering to do something for an organization that satisfies a lot of needs in women. Carolyn
Apr 16 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Elena
Elena's picture

Volunteering

Carolyn, This is so true. I think volunteering brings a sense of purpose. I think every human being needs to feel that they were born for a reason and purpose, to make a difference in this world in some way, and volunteering is one way to meet this need. I teach at my local church, and it is so rewarding, I enjoy it so much, it has a strengthening effect on me. I have continued to teach even through the crisis I am going through.
Apr 9 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Volunteering

Yes! This can be very helpful. You get back out around people and it gives you something else to put your mind on. I tell women to look at: http://www.volunteermatch.org/ It is an invaluable resource. I decided to 'pay it forward' to other victims of narcissists & psychopaths. I knew that only a handful of counselors in the U.S. really "GET IT" about these relationships; many of them don't want to get it. Even the ones at shelters. They can't understand why the victims of pathologicals take soooo long to get over it. They refuse to even give a thought to the mind control, trauma bonding, seductive hypnosis and imbedded commands that these predators drill into good, normal, compassionate women. And I have already talked her about the Blame the Victim problems our society has if the women isn't healed within a few months. Calling her crazy or 'into the drama'... etc. I know that I had to wait that 18 months before I could even attempt to be objective about what I was put through. I didn't want to carry any Reactive Abuse into helping others. But helping others can help return your sense of self-esteem and worth! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Free articles & information on surviving & understanding abusive behavior. Updated daily.
Apr 6 - 9AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

not safe!

- Having fun with good friends on Facebook PLEASE BE VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH SOCIAL NETWORKING. Approve only people you absolutely know and make the rest PRIVATE. I know a woman who's ex made a fake Facebook profile and is cyberstalking her AND her friends. And has shown up at various places or sent threatening messages to her friends. She reports him and he just starts up a new profile. SOCIAL NETWORKING IS NOT SAFE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Free articles & information on surviving & understanding abusive behavior. Updated daily.
Apr 5 - 9PM
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

what we can DO

Fabulous! CM
Apr 6 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

- Having fun with good

- Having fun with good friends on Facebook - Going to the hairdresser and change your hairstyle (I had my hair curled and everybody keeps telling me how nice I am ;-))) -Reading the Bible or any other sacred book and thinking of God who is good and worthy, and not waste time for the unworthy, just for a change -going volunteering soemwhere -taking care of OUR OWN CAREERS -planning a good saving plan -planning a surprise for our loved ones: our children, our parents or whosoever, a surprise: a gift, a card., a letter, a text on the phone, a hug -cleaning OUR house and not THEIR house and buying a good picture to hang on the walls or new cushions or anything -(this is very Italian ) cooking something of fabulous for dinner!!!!!!!!! Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. (Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International)