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Things I won't miss.

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#1 Oct 20 - 8PM
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

Things I won't miss.

The negativity. The mood swings. The making fun of me to others in front of me. The "he's better than everyone" talk. The eggshells. The ridiculous lies. The immaturity. The blank walls at his house. All his exes that supposedly want him back. Reassuring him all the time. Defending myself. Wondering if he loves me today. Texting. The lack of trust. Us fighting on the days I do my own thing. Getting permission. The competition. His bitching about money because he says I milk him dry with child support. His stupidity. His conditional love. Football season. The disrespect. Affection only on his terms. His voice. Me crying all the time in front of my kids.The meltdowns. The Constant chaos. The lack of emotional security. The games. The anger.

Oct 21 - 9PM
Erali
Erali's picture

His lies. His hang up

His lies. His hang up calls. His sinister gaslighting. His stinky penis.
Oct 21 - 9AM
alicat
alicat's picture

Wow! Those are exactly the

Wow! Those are exactly the things he did to me! I think about those times everyday! I certainly don't miss those as well. He really made me feel like I was the crazy one!!! He said I was always in a bad mood and anxious especially around the kids! (we don't have kids together!) He has a son and I have 3 sons. It was him making me that way! Ever since he moved out I am not anxious or walking on eggshells! Things are getting easier for me as I hope they are for you. Hang in there!
Oct 21 - 9AM
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

They're all alike.

I'll not miss those things either. A major part I won't miss is sitting on the kitchen floor with a knife to my wrist or holding his gun in my hands contemplating suicide. For so long I felt like I was such a failure, awful mother, and terrible person that couldn't do anything right. I was extremely co-dependent with him and had placed him on such a high pedestal, it was impossible to reach him. Hell, he was up in the clouds and I couldn't even see him anymore! My sanity and self esteem are back. The pedestal crumbled. When he landed and I could see him again, he'd morphed into a snake and slithered away. Thank goodness!
Oct 21 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

I contemplated suicide

I contemplated suicide several times when we would have our meltdowns. I have never had thoughts like that before in my life and have always considered myself a happy go lucky person. It's amazing how one person can gave such a negative effect on you. I call it traumatic bonding and you feel you are nothing without them. Thank god for the supportive people in my life. I had to hit rock bottom first. No man is worth my life. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And he has always shown me how temporary he really is, but I am just now seeing it. :)
Oct 21 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

I'm glad you're seeing it

I'm glad you're seeing it now. We both are and this is a huge, positive step for us. We're stronger than that. It's amazing how strong we are. I hope we never forget that.
Oct 21 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

Blythebloo

WHAT I MISS ABOUT HIM........NOTHING!!!!!!!!!
Oct 21 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, by, and welcome

to this community of support and healing. I am glad you found us but sorry you had to land here...sorry we all had to land here! Here are some things I do not miss either. When it's in black and white, it can be a great REALITY CHECK when magical thinking starts to try to worm its way in. I'm almost 12 months out and there are way way way more things I don't miss than things I do. In fact, I cannot think of one thing I miss at the moment... Here's what I don't miss: The confusion. High anxiety. Wondering if I'll get punished with silent treatment on any given day. Wondering why I'm getting punished with silent treatment on any given day. Jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to be "pleasing." Walking on egg shells. The lies that came out of his mouth. Being manipulated. The rages. The deflections. His lack of support. The drain on my finances. His weird sexual fetishes. The instability. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Being a zombie who felt dead inside. The gaslighting. Being blamed for everything. Never knowing what I did to trigger a punishment or silent treatment. The silent treatments. The vanishing acts. The fake sobbing and cries of true, soulmate love. The utter lack of consistency. The secrecy... Ugh! Never again. Thanks for the reminder, by. I am glad you're out, too. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER AGAIN

spinning

Oct 21 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

Another helpful tool to clear

Another helpful tool to clear out that magical thinking is a letter I wrote to myself. It's basically a letter from my brain to my heart reiterating why I should remain NC. It lays it all out what a monster he is and why. No need to go into details but it really works. :)
Oct 21 - 12AM
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

excellent! extremely similar

excellent! extremely similar to mine. i need to add this to the things i keep taped to the wall to remind me why NC is necessary. mine would have a huge fit if i wasn't at his beck and call. and everyday wondering if he loved me was pure hell. his walls were blank too lol. tired of the putdowns too