Thinking that spending hours per day understanding Narcissism is going to fix this, set you free?

It is far more important to become an expert on yourself than an expert on narcissism. We do not heal, repair, and change patterns by becoming consumed by their disorder, this happens by going within. This is an exercise in returning to self. Co dependency is all about others focused. Recovery is self focus.

Many are looking for a therapist who specializes in personality disorders or they spend hours reading forums about narcissists and psychopaths.

This is what we call substituting one addiction for another. It keeps you stuck.

Yes, understanding them is great, yet spending hours weeks months years trying to understand them, simply means you are still addicted to them.

I am considered to be an expert on understanding and teaching on the subject of personality disorders, yet, my primary benefit to you, is that I understand you, what it feels like and what it takes to feel better.

The goal is to set yourself free.

Outstanding response from one of my Support Group Members on this key topic. Brilliant self awareness. Shared with her permission. Thought others may relate to this as well.

"Goldie,

Thank you for pointing out - it's not about understanding the narc, it's about becoming an expert on me.

The statement that: "we do not heal, repair and CHANGE patterns by becoming consumed by their disorder, this happens by going within. This is an exercise in returning to self. Co-dependency is all about other focused. Recovery is self focus"

Wow. This resonated deeply with me. I'm not sure I ever really looked at me - 24 years of avoiding and taking care of and being consumed by his disorder ..this is so much harder than I thought it would be. But I'm committed to this. I have to...I can't stay in this bitter place because I not only hurt myself but those around me. I HAVE to find a way to be better than this. I AM better than the bitterness. I have to learn what to do and how to not absorb all this anger I am carrying. I not only have to forgive him, I have to find my way to forgiving myself.

And I realize that avoiding the pain is taking a terrible toll on me but I also realize I have to do the hard work and feel the pain in order to move forward. Baby steps I guess!"

Excellent growth moment!!!!

Thank you,
Much love,
Goldie