Three months N-Free today

Hi all you lovely people, tomorrow I'm celebrating three months NC. There's going to be cappuccino(s), perhaps pie and heavens only knows what else. (maybe swimming with dolphins, I dunno)

I arrived here a week after D&D. I spent the previous three months in mask-cracking hell, only talking to a friend or two during that time. They helped, but I could not find my way out of the morass until the final psycho strike from him which woke me up - in one lightspeed moment - from blithering, addicted, forgiving and empathic to empowered, angry, roaring and super kick-ass woman. However, I didn't truly understand and put all the pieces of his illness together until I threw myself full-time into reading. And reading... and reading.

I simply must take a moment and note what I've learned here on The Path Forward since April.

1. Abuse is abuse. Whether it's silent treatments, gaslighting, insulting comments disguised as jokes or compulsive lying, it's all scrambled egg abuse, no matter what the official diagnosis.

2. Trust my gut, and my common sense. If someone is offering me the world on a silver platter, but tells me I don't deserve it a second later, RUN.

3. THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE ME. EVERYWHERE.

4. If someone does not respect my boundaries, they are not good enough for me to have in my life. It is NOT rude and disrespectful to demand respectful behaviour from people, and it is not rude to cut them out of my life if they disrespect me.

5. My true, emotionally honest friends are the most important people in my life.

6. Never sacrifice mySELF for the fruitless purpose of 'not rocking the boat' or fear of losing someone.

7. Do not live in fear or anger. Whether hoovers occur or not, it's my life and I have absolute power over how I live it. I'm not spending the rest of it gazing up, waiting for him to fall from the sky.

8. There is NOTHING better than being free. No fake compliments, no chats on the phone, no shared jokes and no hugs from N can ever come close to getting my life back.

9. Self-blame and self-doubt are HUGE wastes of time. I'll never ever let one more of those toxic thoughts back into my head.

Because really, I've got better things to do.

Thank you all including the great mods and members for your brilliant research, insight, answers and humour. I have no idea where I'd be if not here during the last while, but I'm glad I found you.

XOXO Jules