Tomorrow - I ask for answers!

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#1 Jan 9 - 3PM
newlifeway
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Tomorrow - I ask for answers!

I have returned home because I could not stay away from my babies knowing that my littlest angel needed Momma.

Tomorrow he and I have our marriage session with our Church Pastor and I want to know all the details and have all the answers to figure out why he will not reveal who this other woman is that is preganant with his child.

I am secretly hiring an attorney, seeking seperation and a divorce.

I am in disbelief that my husband is expecting a baby with another woman, even further can not believe that he will not give me the info that I want most - details how how this happened, how he managed to live a double life for half a year.

I am so heart sick.
I must leave him. I can not trust him and I can not trust my babies with this man. Although I am afraid I know I have God and I have family to support me financially. I want to take back control! He controls so much of the household that I felt it was best to just leave. Now I am advised to not do to. I want him to move out. He can leave but there is no need to further hurt the kids and put them through more than they will be dealing with soon when Daddy leaves.

I am so angry !!! I want to know who she is! I want to know why he continues to gives me small bits of truth little bits at a time!? WHY? I can't even look at him! I can't look in his eyes. I can't sit next to him at church and hold his hand!

I pray constantly for help I pray constantly for strength to get me through this. I pray constantly for my children and how they will deal with this.

I hope tomorrow I will find out who this woman is, and maybe then I will understand why he kept that final piece of info from me, I hope so. I am so on edge!

I spoke with 2 lawyers today, and considered what he has done to his family is FRAUD! He will not be able to afford the child support but I couldn't give a damn! I will never care again about him! I will never give him another bit of sympathy or understanding! I am going to turn my back on him!

thank you all for your many words of support and well wishes

I can't believe this I CAN NOT believe a baby is on the way growing in her stomach ! each day July comes closer each I day I dread that moment I hear the words - it's a boy or girl. It is sickening!

Jan 9 - 10PM
Im_always_fine
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What I would do tomorrow is

What I would do tomorrow is walk in, don't take off your coat...stay standing...and announce that nothing is moving forward until he tells you who it is. Be clear that you are NOT playing games, first things first "I get a name NOW or I leave." Tell him the next words he utters out of his mouth had better be a name. Tell him there is NO CHANCE of another minute of counselling or saving the marriage until he is HONEST and TRUTHFUL and that starts with her name. If he doesn't tell you or starts to play games... take a step for the door. If he still doesn't tell you, leave. Personally(but this is just me cause I'm crazy like that) I'd go home pick up the phone and start calling everyone(his best friend, his parents, his siblings, the babysitter, the pastors wife)and start asking if they know who he has pregnant...some one knows... Don't let the pastor guilt you into even sitting down until you have a name. I am a Christian but sadly there is an unspoken misogyny in the faith.(the marriages themselves are more important than individuals in the marriage) YOU are more important than this marriage...YOU are more important then him...YOU are more important than her. Just a thought. I hope he doesn't have a stupid idea about telling you by having her there. I'll be praying like crazy for you!
Jan 9 - 8PM
Redhead
Redhead's picture

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Protect her from you?! Screaming damn - you're his wife!!!!! What a jackass!!!! He loves this drama mess he's created. It's all about him - he doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else. Let your family help you....we're here for you too Sweetie. Get this toxic man out of your life.
Jan 9 - 5PM
nomoredenial
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First I want to say

pat yourself on the back for your clearness and for stting good boundries for yourself. second this here He says since she is pregnant he intends to protect her from this stress and does not want me to 'go after her'! I have never gone after anyone either! where does he think this up! My x said the same thing, he used to always say I think about leaving but I am scared of you freaking out...I started to believe it and in fact when he left I braced myself for my freaking out and it never came...I was like wait a min...... Hes making it up for his own purpose, dont fall for it
Jan 9 - 3PM
janemarie
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I hope tomorrow gives you

I hope tomorrow gives you what you need!!! My words could never express to you my sincere sympathy for you and my extreme pure hatred for this man!!! He is truely evil and undeserving of your love, understanding, and compassion!!! How dare he!!!!!!???? Lean on us throughout your journey as I hope we can provide you some comfort:) ((HUGS)) xoxo
Jan 9 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
newlifeway
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thank you

the pain is so great I feel blinded and numb to my life my children are my heart a joy they are all the holds me together in my quiet moments alone I break down and cry so hard I have pain in my throat, pain so intense in my heart it feels as if it is breaking open, my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is and why he can not reveal more I fear this is far more than just a pregnancy. I just received a disturbing phone call from my bff. She said she had heard some gossip from a church member close to the Pastor, (works in the office) and that his is other woman was part of a christian music outing that our church participated in with other churches out of state - a Youth project. That my husband met this other woman during this time. That this woman may in fact be a young aged girl. I was speechless. But this is the 1st of information that rings true in my heart. Because he was part of the weekend outing as a chaperone!! Thank you so much for you care and sympathy ! thank you all so much for your outrage. My mother supports me divorcing him and I am working to do that step by step. I want him out of the home, how do I get him to leave? this is something I need legal advice to do but I hire an attorney this week and follow the advice given. My husband is protective of this woman, he has said since she is pregnant he did not want to reveal who she is because he is worried she will be harassed by me or other church members. I have never harassed anyone in my life! He says since she is pregnant he intends to protect her from this stress and does not want me to 'go after her'! I have never gone after anyone either! where does he think this up! my pain is so great! the pain is so terrible, the pain is all consuming me! I try so hard to put on a happy face for my kids, but they are seeing more and more each day how sad I am. Why has he chosen to hide this information from me? my imagination is going wild. I have to have all my answers tomorrow. This is unfair to only tell me part of the story that has gone on for 6 months now. I am sending you all my sincere gratitude. I do not know you but I am so thankful for you and every one of you for reading my story and sending me your support. I feel I have a whole new group of friends to lean on. I am so thankful for your help. My grief comes in waves. As I cook dinner I want to cry. He came home from work and I walked away to the back room and locked my self in. I just will not talk to him anymore. I will not see him even in our own home, he will not sleep on the sofa or guest room - so I will instead. I will not lay down next to a liar who has no respect for me or our children, our home, all the years we had. I will not do anything anymore that does not feel right in my heart. I am bracing my self for the truth, I am begging for the truth to be revealed, I pray to God that tomorrow he will be man enough to own up to his actions and man enough to reveal what he has done and who she is. I promise I will not attack her. But I must know. I will proceed with divorce soon after I learn what really happened and I will follow my attorney's advice to do whatever I can to get this man out of my life. bless you all
Jan 9 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

So her parents must be

So her parents must be involved. Wow aren't you the scape goat...get the wife to adopt the baby. Teen girl gets to go on with her life. Pastor gets to cover a scandal and "fix"a marriage. NARC gets to hold his head up (no charges pressed)...if his wife supports him who can say anything about it? In a while they can all pretend nothing even happened. Every body is happy but you! Without your compliance they ALL have several huge problems on their hands. An inter church sex scandal. A child molestation if she's minor. Adultery. An unwed mother. An "illegitimate" child.(I hate that word) But most of ALL your husband may be expected to MARRY this girl if you divorce him. He doesn't want that. He NEEDS to hide INSIDE your marriage to avoid the consequences of his actions. Without your cooperation...they are all sunk.
Jan 10 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
Redhead
Redhead's picture

I'm Always fine....

I too think you nailed it.
Jan 10 - 1AM (Reply to #9)
nomoredenial
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Im always fine

sounds like you nailed it~
Jan 9 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

It is sickening .. He's

It is sickening .. He's Sickening.. I'm sorry for your pain.. Please read, seek a therapist, Lisa's books and I highly recommend a one on one wit Goldie.. Stay Strong Hunter
Jan 9 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
newlifeway
newlifeway's picture

what he doesn't know

is that this is the last session I will attend with him I want to know the truth, all of it, and I want it tomorrow and I am done with counseling with him. I will see a therapist on my own, and I will be hiring the meanest damn attorney I can buy!! I am disgusted beyond words. The only reason I went back to the house is for the kids. I can not even look at him! I will divorce him! I will not accept these lies! I just hope I am prepared to hear the truth, there must be a good reason he has not revealed who she is! I can't stop thinking of this little baby growing! I can't stop wanting to protect my children from this pain! and I have no idea if that will be possible. ! how do you explain this! HOW!?
Jan 10 - 4AM (Reply to #5)
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

The affair, the baby are one

The affair, the baby are one thing. But the subsequent lack of empathy or compassion for you and UNBELIEVABLE belligerence is just twisting the knife. He's trying to bully you into saving him. He wants you to clean up his mess like you've picked up his socks for years. UGH! I've mentioned before that Ivana Trump said," Don't get even dawlink..get everything." It's YOURS anyways. You put your blood, sweat and tears into your family and home. He's the one who defiled his marriage bed...let him sleep in it.
Jan 9 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
walking_on_sunshine
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I despise cheaters so much I

I despise cheaters so much I cant even stand reading this story. I'm so sorry that this man has done this sick creulty to you. I wish you strength and perseverence for the long battle you are facing. Be well, and protect those kidlets. Hugs xoxo
Jan 9 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You go girl... Make a plan

You go girl... Make a plan and stick to it.. If this guy suffers from NPD.. You're in for a ride.. I'm angry for you... Such selfish behavior..he has created quite a web..SOB.. You sound like a wonderful mother.. The children will adjust.. If they need help then get them in thearpy too.. Georgia Girl might be a good buddy for you to connect with.. Send her a PM.. You can do this.. Hunter