Torture

The Tortured Mind

I sit here, mind blown, head jarred, a zombie, a shell and yet that heart of mine still beats with love for the torturer. Why??? Because I am crazy, I am as crazy as he is. His illness has invaded my soul, with it’s toxicity. I cant be happy, I cant be sad, I just exist. Wow God help me, I am lost.

The push me pull me, round and round, never ending circle game gets to you. Apparently I am accused and guilty from day one of never loving him. Ha, there’s the hook… prove it. I do always, always, sometimes I tire of it and throw in the towel, some days later the phone goes, oh come on, you can do it, try harder, lets get this on. Show me how you love me, show me, tell me, worship me and maybe, just maybe I will feel it, because I never do, never have yet, I’ve come close, sometimes you get it right, other times, well !! You are just a miserable failure.
It is my fire, my passion, my drive, these are the powerful elements that fuel me. I am loyal, committed, steadfast, resolute, all of this is power. My power. These qualities spur me, motivate me, direct me.

When we met I knew, just knew all roads had led me to him. No matter what had gone before, this here, right now, was all I wanted, all I had searched for. Such a shame, I was played.

I kept stuck, in that court, on that stand, trying, always trying to prove it. Don’t please yourself, just always please him. Put him first, he must always get what he wants. He keeps me hooked. He throws out a small reward. I say please give me a kiss, he says I am right here, you can kiss me. I lean forward and kiss him, this is my reward, I have been allowed to kiss him!

Omg my power is my own. I am using it, I am using it to my advantage at last. These qualities made me attractive, they are damn good qualities. This power that I have will get me out. I will get home safe and sound. Watch me go, I made the switch.

Brit x