Very happy girl's Story

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#1 Aug 16 - 11PM
Very happy girl
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Very happy girl's Story

The boy I once loved is now the monster I begged for. Long crazy story.

Okay I hope I don't ramble on too much. But this will be a long detailed story.
I would like to say that I have been reading and relating to all of your stories for months now. I was afraid to post because I didn't want to be judged for my situation and for my actions. I don't think I will be though. You all seem so understanding. My actions are my fault and I accept responsibility for them.
Okay here we go.
I am the daughter of a full fledged npd father. I grew up in Brooklyn, NY where people are mostly great but they certainly have an edge. So I have always kind have been immune to verbal abuse and dealing with "strong men". I met my N in jr HS. I was 12 and he was 14. Nothing serious not a sexual relationship at the time. But my first heartbreak was when he decided he liked another girl and just dumped me. We stayed friends and I dated one of his friends (my first) for a few years. It was abusive and I had to get a restraining order. During a break up with his friend, we got together. It was sweet and it felt real. It became sexual when I was 15. Even at that age I knew that he was it for me sexually. My first "o". He was always with me at school and at my home with my family. We had all the same friends we were very meshed in each others lives. He got me. He was profound to me. He was the first boy/man who ever understood me. I was trying to explain to him one day that I was feeling emptiness, I didn't know how to express it and he just turned and said" so you feel like your in a room full of people but your alone". bingo! At that moment I felt an intense connection to him which I never forgot.
Anyway time passed we ended things but were always friends. We even double dated after. He did do some shitty things with other girls, that i would find outt about but I had my pride and I moved on. He had hurt me but I guess I ignored it bc it was easy to find another boyfriend at 15/16. He had also started drinking a lot and then started using drugs heavily. I always cared for him as a person though. I felt a bond. He claimed he did too. Needless to say we went back and forth dating till I was about 17/18. It would be intense then he would just break up with me and start dating someone else. I wasn't perfect either lol,I would make prank phone calls to him and send pizzas to his house and all the other immature stuff. He started dating a very pretty but very nasty girl at about 18 and I had a nice boyfriend at the time. We lost contact. He was in and out of rehab and moved to different states etc.
I saw him out a few years later when I was 20. I was at a bar with my longtime boyfriend. He was very drunk and kept talking to me in my ear asking me if I still loved him, wasn't he the best. What am I doing with this other guy...I felt annoyed but I pitied him. I left and didn't think about it again for a long time.
I married my husband at 22. We had a stable wonderful life. I wasn't the happiest but hey, I had "a good dependable man". Two years later my best guy friend was murdered and I came home for the wake and funeral. I was with a lot of old friends catching up and a girl that I grew up who had also dated my N said he had called her crying that he was a prostitute. Living in another state trying to get his life together. I assumed he was a gay prostitute and felt so badly for him and just wrote him off as another sad story from the neighborhood.
About two years after that I had heard that his middle brother was in prison for murdering a girlfriend. I Also found out that the N ended up in jail for armed robbery due to his drug addiction. Once again I felt bad for this beautiful mess. But my life went on. I had 2 beautiful smart children. I was lacking passion in my marriage but I was determined to make it work. My husband is an engineer and just relates differently.
At 30 I moved to another state and left the NY/NJ area. It wasn't a move I wanted to make. My husband ended up having a nervous breakdown and I devoted myself to getting him back on his feet. He did thank god. But he was still cold and uncaring while I started having panic attacks and a bout of depression myself.
Then I discovered FB and got an account. It was great being in touch with old friends. One day I got a message left on my wall from my N's best friend saying that the N wanted to talk to me. He left his number on my wall and told me the ball was in my court. ( I later found out that it was the N himself). I guess he served his 6 years and was looking for me. I responded to the "friend "to say hi for me, but left it at that. I wasn't looking to have an affair. I had enough going on. Through the next 5-6 years he would have other friends reach out to me but I left it alone.
Then back in September of 2011. Another friend reached out and I felt bad and said I would speak to him. I asked my husband and my mom what they thought about it. They didn't love the idea but they felt I had a good head on my shoulders and it would probably be okay. I waited a week to make contact, something in my heart must have known. I called him and we spoke, it was nice. His voice still melted me though. He got his life together, he married the pretty girl he owned a home in a great neighborhood. He owned a business. He has 2 children both under 4. One was only 2 months old btw. He sent me pictures he was still gorgeous and he said I was still beautiful the way he remembered. I told him about my life. I made a point of saying I was happy, I loved my husband etc.
Then during the next 2 weeks would speak here and there. One During that time my husband did something very cruel and unthought full and it broke my heart. I made the mistake of crying to the N. bad move that was his in. He saw my vulnerability and jumped on it. He asked tons of loaded questions and made some assessments of my life and marriage and it worked like a charm. He told me I was the love of his life. I laughed at that. He told me how he wanted to be a better person when he was younger because of me. How much I meant to him. How if maybe he would have stayed with me his life would have been better.all the negative things I had thought about hima N's had heard about him disappeared. I was like home to him. He told me how when he was a teenager he would sleep with older women, he told me about how he was neglected by his mother. About his hard life, about his brother. How he worried about his clients finding out about his past. We talked about our mental connection. This went on for a month. Then it got sexual, which I did not mind at all. He was always it for me sexually. He told me about watching Internet porn and masterbating 2-3 time a day.how his wife had shamed him for what he liked. I never judged him. Who was I to judge. I just thought he was very sexual.
Then came the I love yous and me going to ny to see him. We ended up sleeping together (condom yes). It was very intense. But after I freaked out and wanted him to leave. I had a bad feeling. I should also mention that for the year before that I was a mess being tested for lupus and it was a great distraction. He cared about my health, my husband was tired of my crying and carrying on.
We connected and he consumed every minute of my day. He said things like I am so ingrained in your mind. He wanted to know when my anniversary was and my husbands bday so he would know if I was sleeping with him. He would beg me not to have sex with my husband. We didn'tbwant to change our situations. He just said we could be each others pacemakers for our sad marriages.
I went back to see him two weeks later and I noticed him looking at my wedding ring when he picked me up from the airport, he looked jealous. One afternoon I sensed something was wrong and after he left the hotel I called him and asked him what was wrong with him. He said I was trying to treat you like a sex object and I couldn't . He said he was trying to remove his feelings bc he loved me. And that could ruin him. Then he came clean about a lot of stuff about how he told me he had 7 years sober but it was on really 3 1/2. And how he would have rages on his wife and break furniture and how he couldn't ruin his life, but we could work this out between us. The rest of the weekend was nice. He brought his son to meet me which I did not like. It made me feel like crap. It was that weekend I felt myself get needy and clingy. When I got home he became jealous and resentful of me and my life. I was spoiled and I was a social butterfly and my life was a cupcake.
I did try to end it a few times with him but I couldn't. And he seemed so patient with me explaining things, he understood my instincts and where i was coming from. It was like he could read my mind. but I also felt him pulling away too. He was also a little aloof and a little cold. He had a huge temper tantrum one day bc I couldn't take his call. And that's when the shit hit the fan. He wouldn't call as much. He started making rules on which days we would speak. Then he would send a picture of himself. Or break the rules and then the rules would be back on. Then he got really busy at work and didn't have time. And yes I was getting very stressed by this and confronted him about it.
One day he got really nasty and I just went off on him and ended it. He gave me the silent treatment for 3 days on that one. Followed by a month of one word answers followed by 7 paragraph texts about how affairs weren't for me and how I need a boyfriend and he can't do that.
Now is where it gets even weirder, I was always friends with his brother (younger somewhat normal brother) on . But we never spoke much. But during this devaluing period, the night before my 38th birthday the brother started posting to me and then that night defriended me. I suspect that is was the N logging in but who knows. This is an unusual family. So after having miserable holidays and a miserable birthday which he only texted Happy Birthday. We started to reconnect but it was bc I kept at him for answers, I asked him if his brother knew he said no, I was going to ny in January and he started calling me a few days before. He told me that I took advantage of his feelings for me. That he could no longer let his feelings dictate his actions. That we could just meet for coffee. He tried to pick me up from the airport but he had a cluster headache so he wanted to know if he could come take a nap in my room. (I know stupid me) but I really believed that he didn't want me. He just spent a month telling me it won't work. The more he gives me the less he gives his wife and such. So I let him come over. I won't get in to the details but it was awkward at first and then great sex happened. He insisted that night I go eat with my friends at his friends restaurant. He paid our bill and the friend ended up telling us that he was texting him all day saying nothing is too good for this girl and that I was special, I thought he was back. Wrong!!! I saw him again the next day and had to praise him for dinner I did not tell him that his friend also hit on me and gave me his number and told me how pretty I was and that he told the N also how pretty I was. Anyway on the third day he left me sitting waiting for him to call or come say goodbye but he was busy. (sure). I let it go. He didn't check to see how my flight home was. He became more distant even though he had contacted me a lot during that weekend. About 3 weeks later I had enough and we had a huge fight and decided to part ways. He told me he had to put walls up bc it was out of control. He could only keep it simple. He cared about me, y couldn't I do just sex. He stopped asking about things that were important to me. I really went off on him. I said terrible things. Then a week later I called and apologized. We were just going to be friends. He told me to move on and embrace my wonderful life. So we would just text here and there. Then about 6weeks later I needed to come back in to NY. I was devastated and heartbroken i lost like 20 pounds. I contacted the friend with the restaurant to make a reservation on the Friday before I came in. And all of a sudden the next morning the N's brother added me as a friend on fb again. What a coincidence. I we t to the restaurant for dinner and the friend never showed up. I was so hurt. I asked the N if he had anything to do with it and also about a few other unusual things that happened . He told me to stop putting my wants on him. He wouldn't talk to me or see me. He was mean. So imdidn'tbanswer his verball abusive texts. Then he got paranoid. And called me, he thought I would tell his wife. I said I would never and that even though I was hurt, she or my husband didn't deserve that pain. I reminded him of how he had told me that he was a liar and a manipulator and that I was just confused. He kept me on the phone for an hour telling me he was worried about me and that he would be a better therapist than the one I had already. Then he did the long slow sad goodbye. I went home and did nc for 3 weeks. I was ashamed. I thought I was crazy. Then I stumble upon npd info on the web. I realized how much him and my father were a like. And the things they had both said to me. We're almost like talking to the same person. I researched narcissism and did make contact to see if I was right. Yep the second I gave him a compliment he was interested again. He said he just wanted to miss me. And that let's keep it sexy, no more teddy bear talk. No more fighting like he has at home. Just sexual. I got sucked back in hoping I could change his mind. He asked when I was coming home. Then his brother started to pursue me and I told him about it . At first he said just remind him that we dated and he'll back off or tell him that I am better looking and that will burn him. The N became more interested and I did everything to get rid of his brother. I came in I saw the N again. We ended up back in bed together. He said he would come back later thatbday andvhe didn't. I called him andvhe apologized. He was on his way home. One night I went out and his brother ended finding out where I was and showing up. I left quickly after saying hello and told the N the next day when I saw him. He didn't seem surprised, he did say unbelievable even I don't do that to you. He offered to talk to his brother to make him stop. I declined his help and said I will handle it. The brother kept trying to contact and I asked him not too. Now things are decent with the N because I wouldn't talk about my feelings. I accepted my role. He would text very couple of days and started calling again. If I didn't get to the phone in time he would get a little bossy. Again I mistook this for feelings. During this time I separated from my husband and he told me exactly what to do to getboutbof the marriage and how to get a mortgage and seemed happy. It also came out that his wife was losing her hair. I felt terrible and I just stayed away not wanting to be involved in that. He kept contacting me. Then his 40th bday came and the pics from his party started to show up on fb. The morning after his party his brother also contacted me again. Very strange. I ignored his brother but I was jealous about all the comments on fb about his pic. His girl best friend had posted the pics. She was all over him in them. He didn't have fb and wanted to go in to my account to read the comments. He sent me a few pics from the party of course he was topless in them. While everyone else had shirts on. I let him go in to my account he knew I was jealous and he capatilzed on it. He must have gotten jealous looking at my friends list and starting asking whybinwasn'tbfriends with a girl we grew up with. I told him she didn't have fb bc she was going thru a bad divorce. He demanded her phone number. I asked him not to peruse my friends. He said if he wanted my friend he wouldn't ask me for her number. He got mad and said he would get it himself. I ended up apologizing and said I was hurt and that it was a bad time to ask for the number. He responded with that I was not his wife or fiancé so there is no bad time. I gave him the number and he tried to gaslight me and told me I gave him a scrambled number. I gave it to him again and said enjoy! He told me to stop acting 10 years old I ended it as friends that night. I was sick to my stomach that I had sunk so low. A few days later texted to see if he contacted her and he said she didn't answer he accused me of calling her and telling her bc they grew up together and she would have no reason not to answer him. I told him I do 't do things like that! Anyway I had to live up north ny/nj all summer and it was sad bc him and I had plans and I just got stupid and sentimental. I tried to get him to see me but the rejection was so hurtful. He told me I was crazy, move on let go. I'm Glen close and he doesn't want to talk about my feelings. He is past this. Get boyfriend get a girlfriend get a pet whatever. He has no interest in me. Then he told me to go look at a website called Ashley Madison and find a boyfriend there. I had gotten back with my husband during this time also. I told him I can't just sleep around. He said not my problem. I am shutting my phone off now, then he said I am Channing my number tomorrow. So have fun while I ignore you till then. But then that evening another friend of his invited me to his restaurant. Lol they all own restaurants. I think the N was behind that one bc he knows I don'tbeatvredc,eat and once I was starving with the N and I ate a hamburger and almost threw up. Do 'tbyou know this friend said I would love his hamburgers!!! After asking me a ton of questions about where I was staying and with who I was with. I was confused. I was devastated, I went on this Ashley Madison cheater web site and found his profile and saw exactly what he was doing this whole time and all of the other women he had contact with. At that moment I was free of him. I waited a week and told him that I saw that it wasn't me and that he had someone else the whole time. He went nuts when I didn't answer him and this past weekend he sent nearly one thousand texts mimicking me and repeating the same things over and over again. Giving me atasteof my own medicine for trying to keep in contact with hima N's not leaving him alone. Trying to get answers. I asked him to stop and he wouldn't. So finally I said "over value, devalue and discard and god help anyone who doesn't go along with it" well I got many more harrassing texts, that I wouldn't answer. Finally I did and I said lets stop this. I get it. No one owes anyone any explanations. We both know the truth. He wrote back and said my wife will have my phone for a few days so don't finish your last text and don'tbtext me another word. And you know what I didn't. I am over him!!! His brother sent me a mystery text yesterday which I ignored. I am so over this craziness. I think I am going nuts too! Would he actually have friends and family do this ? He knows my whole family and is still friends with my cousins etc. I have caught him in at least ten lies trying to impress me or hid his short comings. I will never speak to him again. I know this was very long. I left out tons of details and stories. It is just too much.

Aug 6 - 2PM
Hunter
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Just curious

Aug 8 - 4PM (Reply to #15)
Very happy girl
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Good

Aug 31 - 11PM
Sickofhim
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Just wondering....

Sep 1 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Very happy girl
Very happy girl's picture

You would think but

Sep 1 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
Sickofhim
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I'm glad for u that u got

Sep 1 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
Very happy girl
Very happy girl's picture

You are so right

Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
Sickofhim
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Here for u...

Sep 2 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Very happy girl
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It means a lot

Sep 3 - 2AM (Reply to #13)
Sickofhim
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Thank u...

Aug 21 - 10PM
Journey
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Welcome to the forum, wow,

Journey on...

Aug 17 - 2PM
Deidre99
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welcome to the site! your

Aug 17 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Very happy girl
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Stupid question

Sep 1 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Sickofhim
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He sounds like all that and

Aug 17 - 7AM
tryingtorecover
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Happy girl

Aug 17 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Very happy girl
Very happy girl's picture

Thank you! Yes I got it out