Very hurt and need your opinions

I hesitated a lot before posting this... At a first glance it has nothing to do directly with the narcrecovery... But this is a place I use to come and feel comforted.
So, 10 months out of narc r/shit. I am married for 17 years and had an affair with a narc for 2 years. It was first time I cheated on my husband. My husband is “so called” god guy. And I believe he is. But... For the last 6 years, after our son was born I was hurt a lot... No cheating, no lying... it is just that when it comes to things he dislike about my behaviour he acts the way it hurt me a lot. I think he overreacts.

Like, many years ago we vent to another city to assist a wedding. It was the first time after my son was born that we “escaped” to a 2 days romantic trip. When, after dinner it came to dancing, he didn’t want to go dance at first, but then agreed. (He is not a good dancer and he knows it and we laughed many times together at his lack of rhythm). So, during the dancing I dared to make a teasing remark that he dance well and it would be great if he followed the rhythm... Unforgivable mistake!!! For the rest of the night he was offended, not talking to me, acted like a picky kid. No sex. The trip was spoiled. I tried to apologize, explained that I was joking and teasing him, that I had no clue it will piss him so badly. Nothing helped. It is just one of the examples.

We had other issues too. Lack of support from his side when my older son left home after a dispute with me. He was (is) so concentrated on our little son (7 yo). Again, he is not a bad guy. I always feel like I am a “bad guy” it this marriage and he is almost holy.

Ok, long story short, last Saturday we have been visiting our friends. They told us they are going to vacations to south in two weeks. I am a self employed and can chose when I take my vacations. They also have kids and I thought that would be a great idea to join them. They were excited. My husband said he can’t two it for to reason: first his job (not that it is impossible but not convenient) and second in a week he is going to the operation for the vision (Lazik). I said: “Oh, c’mon you can postpone it for a month and invent something for your boss.” Horror! Just because I said it for the rest of the night he was pissed and mad at me. He did not admit it, but it was obvious. He just said: “I am so surprised and I don’t comprehend how you can take this way those things which are so important for me”. Ok, I said, I can take our son and we can go with him, while my husband stays. He took it badly too. I tried to be nice to him in order to “safe the situation”. Nothing helped.

I spent whole night crying. On Sunday too. I am so hurt. He acted as nothing happened yesterday and wanted to talk it over. I simply said: “I asked you many times not to punish me with your silent treatment when you are pissed” He denied he was silent treating me...

I know for sure I would never (ever-ever) cheat on him and I would never be narced if he almost didn’t “push me”. I am still hurt today, even if he apologized yesterday and said he is fine if I go just with our son or just by myself. He wants me to feel good and rested. Again I am a “bad guy” and he is holy.

I don’t know my friends. I am just hurt and a mess right now. Thinking about divorce... If someone has something to say (good or bad), please you are welcome. I need perspectives. Thank you so much.

Love

Winter