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warning others about dating them?

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#1 Jul 12 - 3PM
sarahb
sarahb's picture

warning others about dating them?

some part of me is telling me that, for the two Narcs that remain unmarried, I should warn others.

yet I don't have the nerve. God knows I would never want either of the evil pricks to trace a warning back to me. And I wonder how many women really look at warning sites?

they both are financially well off, fairly attractive, capable of charm, and could "seem" like a catch - "seem" being the operative word!

Has anyone else grappled with this?

Jul 12 - 4PM
hopefuljms
hopefuljms's picture

Stear clear

I am going through the same thing right now. My ExN is about to marry a 27year old girl that is 17 years younger than he is. I am sure he told her I was a shrew and it was all my fault. Just like he told me it was all his ex-wife's fault. I also know she wouldn't believe me just as I wouldn't have believed his ex either. So I am just going to let her marry him and she will have to figure it out all on her own. Just worry about yourself. That is all that matters!
Jul 12 - 3PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sarahb

Ninjagirl is right: "Your life is best lived by not even worrying about what they're doing, who they're seeing, etc. Just focus on your own life and your own happiness." Don't spend any more energy on them than you need to and besides, if someone is going to fall for them, it probably wouldn't matter what kind of warning you gave them. They would probably dismiss it because they're so gaga over him.
Jul 12 - 3PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Helpless

At the time, when I met the OW (a curator from Los Angeles), I realized I was powerless to warn her against my ex-Psychopath. She was an adult, she was living her life, making her own choices. I couldn't even tell her that he was hoovering me... though she was working at a museum down the street. Since it was a long-distance relationship for the most part, she didn't see how my ex-P treated his colleagues and his students. She was in the dark. But I had to accept she was an adult and had to learn for herself. I was merely a student. If I were a close friend or family member, THEN I could've told her about red flags. Besides, since their relationship was mainly online/over the phone, it was easier for him to wear the mask.
Jul 12 - 3PM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Just leave it

Your life is best lived by not even worrying about what they're doing, who they're seeing, etc. Just focus on your own life and your own happiness. If you tried to warn people off, you might come across looking bitter or psycho, and people who will be taken in by then will be taken in by them anyway.
Jul 12 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
sarahb
sarahb's picture

thanks

thanks - that helps. i think you are right. I got to thinking about it because in a recent thread where people talked about where they live, i saw that a lot of people on this board live in the area they do. but crap, I know that anyone on this board would see right through their facades if they listen to their spidey senses and have their wits about them!
Jul 12 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
MissM
MissM's picture

From reading WWLP one of the

From reading WWLP one of the traits we have in common is falling for the victimised, misunderstood and maligned bad boy. So warnings to others could be read as 'bitter ex gf taking revenge' or 'she was obviously wrong for him, I'll make him well' etc. It's only in hindsight I'd have loved a conversation with his ex. He had her painted as a crazy selfish nutjob. A warning from her back then would have been another red flag/alarm bell I chose to ignore. It's a lovely thought to want to warn others but it's best to stay clear and concentrate on you.
Jul 12 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
MissM
MissM's picture

From reading WWLP one of the

From reading WWLP one of the traits we have in common is falling for the victimised, misunderstood and maligned bad boy. So warnings to others could be read as 'bitter ex gf taking revenge' or 'she was obviously wrong for him, I'll make him well' etc. It's only in hindsight I'd have loved a conversation with his ex. He had her painted as a crazy selfish nutjob. A warning from her back then would have been another red flag/alarm bell I chose to ignore. It's a lovely thought to want to warn others but it's best to stay clear and concentrate on you.