What type of narcissist doesnt have friends

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#1 Jul 2 - 3PM

Bittersweet

What type of narcissist doesnt have friends

I have been reading the posts and again thank you thank you thank you ladies for taking the time to really show concern in helping me get through this. I bought a CD today which actually is pretty good therapy about guys - the new kate voegle cd, i recommend it!

Anyways my N had no friends, what does that mean? I read that most N's do have friends but my N named his only and best friend as his brother.

What is this all about? And if we could get away with it and not thrown in jail, it would be awesome to start an N Safety Site, posting all pictures of predators. lol :-P

#2 Jul 5 - 3AM

jenn99 (not verified)

n's

some N's dont have friends b/c they tend to be anti socials and aren't interested in human interactions, unless they really desire NS...some are schizoidal almost...some have issues with people because of their narcissism and can't keep friends, some just use people and discard them not really having many friends but jsut people they use...some regard themselves too good for others and only have selective friends and have standards with who they choose to interact with...some spend their time alone and feel it is a privilege or gift for the N to give themselves or their time to others.. a lot of N's feel giving themselves to others is greater than anything...so their friendship is the ultimate and tend to not get close to a lot of people in that sense...or only limit or choose who they are friends with or interact with

#3 Jul 5 - 1AM

Amy

Sounds similar

My XNBF had very few 'real' friends. When I left him and we were still in contact, I had lunch with a girlfriend and he made the comment that he has "no friends in Houston". So after we broke up, he flew in 3 of his childhood friends from Jersey. These are guys that WORSHIP him because he pays for everything and is far more financially successful than they are. Sounds like supply to me... His "friends" here in Houston are people he works with and former employees. They all think he's great... They were successful when working for him - and unkown to them, he always talked about how they would not be where they are without him. He chooses to associate with people he felt were "lesser" than him. Less of an education, less income, less free time because they have kids, lower position, etc... He would never befriend anyone who seemed to be higher up than him or made more money. In fact, he would sometimes look people up that we met and try to see how much their houses were worth. A bit odd if you ask me. Funny thing is a girlfriend's husband is a narcssist as well. We all used to hang out (they were swingers and he was trying to get me into that). They have the same 1st name. Anyway, when her husband would talk about money, my XNBF would always talk about it for a few days after and say there was no way the guy could be making that much, blah blah blah. In tuen, the other guy always ran my XNBF down! LOL! Anyway, I don't think they have true friends really. They surround themselves with supply... Amy

#4 Jul 4 - 11AM

neveragain

No Real Friends

My Starter Narcissist (1st husband) and my now XNBF didn't have "friends". My ex-NBF HAD a best friend who he just "broke up" with via a vicious email. (What kind of man does this?) I've stayed in close contact with his now ex-friend. I had to explain to him that he just got bit by a Narcissist. I was able to describe to him the symptoms and he was amazed at how our ex-N fit so many of them. He did some research himself and realizes that nothing he could have done would have made a difference. Narcissist only use people. They don't have the ability to care about anyone so they make lousy friends. Go figure.

#5 Jul 4 - 11AM (Reply to #26)

quietude (not verified)

Friends...the flip side

This is a very tough subject for me, because as a victim, the few acquaintances I did have dwindled down to zero. My narc purposely took up ALL of my time. It's like I didn't need anyone but HIM in his mind. Sad to say, the only real friends I have are family...my sisters, which is wonderful in itself. It'll take time, but at least I have the ability to build new friendships, while he will have a tough time with that indeed!

#6 Jul 4 - 11PM (Reply to #28)

Marie

Quietude

My N took up ALL my time as well and I never even noticed it happening. I just began feeling more and more stressed because I couldn't keep up with things. That's why I think it hurt so bad when he was just gone, then all of a sudden I had all this time and it was empty.I wasn't getting many calls for work because I had cut down so much many clients stopped calling. My flowerbeds were so weedy and just a mess as well as my house. When I started keeping my journal I noticed that whenever I told him I had a lot going on that's when he would drop by the most. Not only did we go out for the day, then he'd call afterwards, there was scarcely a spare moment. If I ever cancelled on him he'd disappear for a week and not respond to calls. It was all such a stressful rollercoaster ride. I have mostly work friends and my sister but no one to spend real hang out time with, it gets pretty lonely.

#7 Jul 5 - 9AM (Reply to #29)

GhostBuster

Empty, I definitely relate

Same here, quietude. I was so frighteningly empty when I ended it with him. Mine took up all my time too and I remember early on in our "relationship" I was moving into a new house, trying to pack up 8 years of pack rat belongings and keep up with the demands of a new relationship (he monopolized most of my non-work free time). I was behind on packing and shared that with him. and he barked at me "well, maybe you need to stop talking about packing and just start doing it!" I was so hurt that he didn't recognize that I was trying to do it all...especially spend time on our budding romance. He was so callous and I called him out on it. He apologized and rationalized that his former girlfriend had a procrastination problem and couldn't make simple decisions. I pointed out that I wasn't her, have been runnign my own life successfully for 8 years since my divorce, etc. I remember he actually got a very angry look on his face and turned away from me so I couldn't see his face. That was the very first clue I received that something wasn't quite right. Hindsight. Anyway, fast forward 10 months and he's telling me that I only need him as my friend and I should get rid of the one friend I have here. Classic isolation tactics. After I broke up with N I actually did get rid of that friend because she was a horrible, self-centered friend (most likely an N!). So here I am...pretty much alone. I am greatful for work because it forces me to leave the house and interact with the world 5 days a week. And, I have a dog and a cat that I love, so they are great company. I can't remember if you have children, quietude. If not, maybe adopting a pet would take away some of the emptiness and give you something "safe" to direct your love toward? Just a suggestion. Animals bring me a lot of peace. I'm thinking of expanding my brood.

#8 Jul 4 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

GhostBuster

Same here, quietude

I too don't have many good friends. I have work friends (who are nice) and acuaintances, but no real friends in the state where I relocated. I have a couple good friends back home (two states away), but that's it. And most of my family's pretty useless (or rather, likely narcissistic!!) But despite my isolation, I know I'm not an N. And my last N had people/friends in his life, but I did discover they weren't all that close to him. His best friend is a womanizing married guy in A.A. Figures. That always nagged at me from the beginning...that this guy he considered to be his "best" friend. He had lots of people he kept in contact with in the military, but they were likely perfect "friends" since the communication was quick and minimal. Otherwise, he had some more casual friends that I did really like. But I began to realize they weren't all that close to him. Didn't really know that much about him or what he was really like. There was one friend who's wife would get upset if her husband invited him to their parties. I remember my N telling me she gets upset because he (N) has started arguments with her sister (which N said he did because she said such "stupid things")...I mean, who does that?? Pick fights with the host's sister? Oh yeah...an N would do that, duh! Boy, all the things I missed...or excused...due to being "love bombed."

#9 Jul 3 - 4PM

Marie

Broken cell phone

Oh I almost forgot he also blamed me for his broken cell phone. The one time he called me I got so fed up I told him you have Michele why don't you go off and be with her and leave me alone! He began yelling something at me and I just hung up. He later emailed me and thanked me for his broken phone. When I hung up he got so mad he threw it against the wall, lol.Now he doesn't have any cell service, he says because he hasn't paid the bill so they shut it. Whatever.

#10 Jul 3 - 2PM

Carolyn

There was a site called

There was a site called 'Don't Date Him Girl' done by a woman reporter from Florida. Some of the predators sued her but I don't think they won. the site was totally funny and listed their 'sins' along with their picture, name address etc. It was truly nasty but truly great. Friendship is about loyalty, sharing, mutual interests, etc. and narcissists are not very good at any of that. It depends on their personality and how low their emotional intelligence is. Some narcissists make friends, but can't keep them, develop friendships and drop the people if they aren't getting what they want, some hang out in bars where acquaintences are more shallow, do sports, they have outlets but in the end it is a solo act.

#11 Jul 3 - 5PM (Reply to #23)

Barbara (not verified)

DDHG

I have posted about this before. DDHG is run by Tasha Joseph - a former reporter. Her husband is an attorney. DDHG is still very active - as are all the other exposure sites I've listed on this site. She was sued by one Todd Hollis - who did not win. The case was tossed out. http://www.citmedialaw.org/blog/2007/dontdatehim-lawyer-todd-hollis-back-court-second-lawsuit-against-dating-advice-site http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/is-it-legal/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#12 Jul 3 - 1PM

Barbara (not verified)

closed channel

It was reported to me that Psycho-Boy (who has a far right wing politics blog. Thinks he's Rush Limbaugh & Sean Hannity all rolled into one!) will not allow any DISCUSSION of his opinions. If you don't agree with or support him - he will cut you off, block, delete, etc. A couple people who googled him wrote me and asked me "what is wrong with him?" If appropriate I sent them information on psychopathy. If not I said I would rather stay out of it. But talk about "maintaining a closed channel." Typical abuser. Completely delusional and irrational. Debra - sometimes during the healing phase - if they have been "sub-criminal" (i.e. taking your money, harassing, stalking, etc) its advisable to keep an eye on them FROM A DISTANCE. I did this with Psycho-Boy but only AFTER my PTSD was better and it WASN'T such a huge trigger. I needed distance before I could. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#13 Jul 3 - 5PM (Reply to #21)

Ma_Fury (not verified)

That is funny

My N blocked me from his email, a long time ago. I learned early on I couldn't say anything that didn't blow sunshine up his ego, So I would email him if I had anything constructive to say. Well we couldn't have that now, could we? Some of this stuff just makes me shake my head. The good thing is I am finally getting in touch with my anger. Healing will happen!

#14 Jul 3 - 8AM

Debra (not verified)

Same Story.,

I've been reading all the posts and fascinated to see how many of us have a similar story. About the friends.. mine had a lot of friends but eventually, one by one they have abandoned him. He has done bad things to them, and it took them awhile to realize what he is. When we were together I was privy to some of the things he had done and pretended not, but eventually the truths became undeniable. He has moved away and consciously made the effort to cut off everyone from his past life. That includes his entire family, his own daughter, all his friends and me. I think I read somewhere that they create "pathological spaces" that they switch between--turning one off and the other on. Mine was living two separate lives, two different women and sets of friends. My second observation is that so many of us were unhappily married when approached by the N's in our lives. That was true in my case as well. Initially we were friends and he actually came to my home and had dinner with us all and spent time with my family. He was probably studying our interactions closely because when he was "courting" me he was playing on all the weaknesses he knew existed in my marriage. At the time he was married too, but his wife divorced him. I agree that if we are married the N can use it as an excuse to be unavailable by saying we are and do whatever he wants. In my case, I was leaving my husband for him but I do not think that is what he really wanted because when we separated, he devalued and disappeared on me with no reason. I think he just wanted me on his own terms --someone who he could turn on and turn off whenever he felt like. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it is so helpful. We should forgive ourselves for our relationships with N's---our circumstances and vulnerabilities made us their perfect targets.

#15 Jul 3 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Marie

OMG Debra!

Thank you, thank you for posting this! This is exactly what I realized my N does too. Last spring I rescued kittens but was going away and needed someone to care for them. He kept trying to get me to give a kitten to the daughter of a friend who recently separated. He thought it would help her cope. He was so insistent and I needed the help. I also had caught on to his scam so was curious to check out this friend. I had heard so much about her because he was doing the same thing spending lots of time with her and her family. He would complain to me that T (her husband) wouldn't help set or clear the table, as if he would if married to her. The man does nothing, he's the laziest, lying scum I have ever met! Anyway went to this woman's house and I swear it was like looking in a mirror, she could have been my sister. Debra, I agree with your statement that you don't think he really wanted you to leave your husband. When me and my husband were on the verge of totally divorcing, he vanished on me. His claim later was that he felt I needed space. Yeah, right! He began talking about Leah again saying that she misunderstood, that he never intended for her to leave her husband for him. More bs. He got that poor woman to leave and then abandoned her. Your opening statement regarding "pathological space" is interesting as well as eye opening. There has been some back and forth between me and him since March. Lately he is out of my life, there has been no contact on either end. From mid Fall until now his name is never online. I basically spy on him to keep in the know of when he's going to pay a visit. When his name starts appearing I know he'll be around and will make it a point to not be here. Just a month or two ago he cut off cell phone service. Stopped by to give me a number he can be reached at but never gave me the number and I didn't push for it. A week later called to give me the number. It's crazy! He's gone through such lengths to cut me off and as you've said probably everyone else but those chosen few. I don't get it? Why bother giving me a number at all? Why not leave me alone? But now that you've brought up this pathological space, it makes sense in a twisted way. I know he spies on my online name because of experiments I've done. There are two friends I know he chats with. Over winter time I unblocked a few times when I saw them on and immediately his name would sign on. So a new name for me and blocked the old. Funny when I started to let on about things I knew about him one of his passive aggressive comments was that he got tired of all the nosey people online prying into his business. Ok for him to do it, funny. I would never have begun prying had he not been such a deceiful creep. When someone talks about marriage, moving in together, opening joint bank accounts, I think you have the right to know if they're doing this with a bunch of others. I'm sorry I ever met this SOB!

#16 Jul 3 - 1PM (Reply to #17)

Debra (not verified)

Marie--that thing about clearing the dishes!!!!!

I can't believe you said that about what he said about clearing the dishes. Mine said exactly that when he had dinner with us, and also told me that he "didn't like how my husband treated me..." said my "husband talks to me in a disrespectful way"... Isn't that something? It turns out, despite my marital problems, my husband was an angel! My N also played similar phones and e-mail games.. Changes the number and address, cuts people off and then decides "who" is still worthy of his inner circle. Sick, sick, sick!!!! I have also found out his whereabouts and what he has been doing using the internet. The worst thing is finding out he seems to be happy in his new life. (but inside I know that nothing really makes him happy for long)... I don't want him to be happy, I want him miserable!! Marie, I don't think we should keep tabs on them because it makes it harder to get them totally out of our lives and forget what they did to us. Seeing them move on and past us makes it seem so much worse....

#17 Jul 3 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

Marie

husband

Debra, I know what you mean about keeping tabs. There are periods of time I don't. It's only when I see him lurking about because I wonder what he's up to and if it will be concerning me. I don't care either way whether he's happy or not just as long as he's not coming around me and my family. Yes, my N has a knack of knocking every other male especially the married ones. He tried to convince me at one point that my husband was gay. He would always say I always see him hanging out with so and so don't you think that's weird he'd rather hang out with him than a beautiful woman like you. Argh! He's such a slimeball. Even though I've had my differences with my husband and we're still apart for the time being, he never made me as miserable as this N. My N was also very good at pointing out the weaknesses in my marriage. Yes there were problems that's why we've split up but my husband has always been good about keeping promises, he's a wonderful dad and he's never not to my knowledge gone chasing other women about. Oh I guess that means he's gay, lol! I don't even remember how I reacted to that statement. Sometimes I just find him so entertaining but for the most part I'd like to wave a wand and make him disappear. It's not hard to wonder why my N is without male friends. He's probably hit on all their girlfriends, wives, mothers, aunts, daughters...just a pig.

#18 Jul 3 - 6PM (Reply to #19)

Barbara (not verified)

Marie

again a similarity Psycho-Boy loved to go on & on and regale me with the sexual romps he had with his ex-fiance. In detail. It was as disgusting as the hooker postings the cops found on him. She finally left him (he said he left her... though I doubt that) and married another guy she had dated on & off that went to college with her and Psycho-Boy. Psycho-Boy often said this guy was a "flaming gay" - then he'd add they had 3 little boys. And that she was still in contact with him and he'd go back to her if she ever dumped the husband. Right. Jerks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#19 Jul 3 - 3AM

Barbara (not verified)

yes Marie - so much the same

Psycho-Boy went on such a smear & harassment campaign I decided to quietly post the truth with as much back up as I legally could online here: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com Please feel free to read, scroll through and validate our experiences. The 'friend' of mine on the West Coast in that story? She & I are no longer speaking. Seems her smoldering resentment of me finally came out in her calling me a Narcissist and "condescending twit." Another crazy person....

#20 Jul 3 - 8AM (Reply to #11)

Marie

so much the same

Wow Barbara! This is why I've chosen to just walk away from him instead of causing problems. Eventually some angry husband or scorned woman will rid the world of him. Or he'll eventually OD on all the perscription drugs he abuses. That's also a regular pattern. Whenever we'd get into an argument the next thing I'd notice he'd be complaining of a cold and would get a perscription for cough medicine with codeine. Next it woud be his back, he'd be on Vicoden. The business I run would be ruined if he decided to cause trouble for me. The other two women that I do know about probably wouldn't listen to me. It was clear the one thought the world of him when she looked at him as sickening as that is. With his mom so ill and wife in a coma I'm sure he's playing the martyr and I would be the psycho nut obsessed with him, whatever. When I heard he was in the hospital did I go visit or ask how he was. Nope. Did I pray for his demise, no, but thought good maybe the world will be spared once less lying piece of crap. I will have to read through your site some more. Does he know about it?

#21 Jul 3 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

Marie

Of course he knows about it. He ego surfs his nicknames and new identities all the time! He raged for me to take it down - too much truth out there. I did take it down for 4 months and he just kept up the harassment so I put it back up. I am a HUGE believer in exposing them (not revenge). I hope other victims read and see that they aren't alone and the truth can be very powerful. http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2007/12/09/she-claims-this-man-ywl-hurt-her-hurt-read-on/ Please feel free (anyone!) to comment on that site - it's much appreciated. Get a copy of WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS - you will be astounded: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=171497&c=cart&aff=21165&ejc=2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#22 Jul 3 - 8AM (Reply to #12)

quietude (not verified)

Marie

I agree, this is how I handled mine. The last thing I needed was more drama and pain. He has no clue as to what I 'discovered' about him (he's an N). I was very vague when I engaged him early on (right after break up) with answers to his e-mails he sent, and then stopped responding to him altogether. We didn't have a big blow-up argument, I never got to tell him how much he hurt me. I let things just fade. This was really difficult, because boy, I had a LOT to say! But I thought this was the smartest thing to do...keep him guessing (and he did just kind of play the part of ME in his emails, drew his own conclusions...that's fine). I hoped that NO contact would make him just go away. So far, it's working, it's been about 2 weeks since his last contact attempt. I know I've been very LUCKY compared to some. Keeping fingers, toes, and eyes crossed!

#23 Jul 3 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

Marie

Quietude

I didn't want the drama it was hard enough dealing with what happened. I have a young daughter to care for, it was hard trying to keep things going. She would catch me crying and I'd have to make some excuse to her. I just wanted it to all go away. There are some things I confronted him with but other things I kept secret. He doesn't know I can spy on his ebay name. The ebay account helped confirm suspicions when he first started pulling away from. I found all sorts of items with the name Leah printed all over it. Then all the ballet things, I knew where for Yvonne's daughter. So I figured he was still pining for Leah, unless he lied about that and is actually still courting her? Email I began not opening because a lot of it was nonsensical stuff or some medical information i.e. free screening type things to show he cared I guess, lol. Then he actually started sending sexually suggestive stuff. I stopped opening because I figured they were a means for spying. We never had a big blow up either. I have to remind myself that even though it seems he dumped me he didn't in a way. I basically go sick of the lies, the disappearing, actions not meshing with words. He didn't really want to be with me, he just wanted to use me so I got a part time job last summer giving me an excuse as to why I couldn't see him. Had he really wanted to see me he could have but seemed content that I was busy with work. Then he just disappeared, it was hard even though deep down it's what I wanted. When he slithered back around 3 months later acting as if everything was the same I put the brakes on. We got into a big thing and I let him know some things I had found out. Of course he denied it all but just that was good for another few weeks of no contact. So even if you get to say things you need to there's no resolution, they don't care, they just go off and do it to someone else. I hope they stay away for you and me. After I blew up at him I decided from then on to just let it go. Why let him know he gets to me. I act indifferent. I ran into him the week before school ended and he said we should go for coffee. Sure why not that would be great. Did he contact me? No. Do I care? Hell no! Let him think I sat crying or mad, I could care less. This will be good for another few weeks no contact : ) Next week I go on vacation. Guess who's birthday it is. I'm sure some poor victim will be nice to him but not this one. I will be laying on the beach somewhere far far away. Have a happy 4th and celebrate your independence!

#24 Jul 2 - 10PM

Fawn

Friends

Mine never had any friends either, but he glommed onto my girlfriends, especially the younger ones. They figured him out pretty quickly and thought he was a selfish bastard. I was so in love with him I didn't listen. Right now his only friends are in AA, and there is only one guy he hangs around with regularly, he has basically fried his brain with drugs. This is the guy who the N wanted to have babysit our 5-year-old. Idiot! He has completely alienated himself from all of our friends because of his outrageous behavior with the babysitter. Everyone is disgusted with him.

#25 Jul 2 - 4PM

Barbara (not verified)

all of them

None of them have any REAL friends. There are LOADS of sites already out there for posting these guys. We don't want AAH to turn into that sort of site. If you want to warn others here's a few places to start: http://www.cheatersexpose.com http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com http://exrants.com/ http://liarscheatsandbastards.com http://www.datingpsychos.com http://www.ripoffreport.com http://www.stoptheact.com http://www.sothere.com http://www.peepsheet.com If they are an online predator: http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com There are a couple places to stay away from and I purposely didn't list those. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#26 Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

Marie

Love it

I would love to post all about this SOB but afraid of fallout. I'm always concerned about my business with that sort of thing but would love to. My N has lots of friends, though none of them are men. What does that tell you? I kept an open mind about it at first but when we visited the one "friend's" house her "you're going to stop by later right" seemed a little too come hither. She also had that look on her face of one smitten. I'll also mention she was just separated from her spouse, supposedly one of my Ns best friends. He loves unhappily married ladies. Oh and that's the other thing about his lady friends none are single. So it wouldn't seem like anything was going on he would always express how "she's married" as if that mattered to him. Of course I'd point this out to him and get ridiculed for low self esteem. I wanted to contact all the women listed on his Facebook account especially Michele since he talked the most about her and her horrible marriage. But a few that I brought him up in passing to thought he was the greatest guy. So sweet, so generous, I wanted to tell them just don't date him.

#27 Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Bittersweet

I dont know how you did it

So many girls that were friends, that would drive me insane, I feel for you, that would just eat away at me. My N I am sure has another victim and just the thought kills me, trying not to think about it however, its really tough with the fourth of the weekend. I went to my counselor today and she said the best weapon is prayer...she said pray that "everything he touches turns to nothingness, until he meets God." How do you fight the devil, I would say that would be one way. I am sure married women to an N would seem more appealing because they are taken, but just know you are the better person for knowing who he really is and he is just USING them as OBJECTS!!! I know contacting them might seem like a good idea, but ultimately it might drive you even crazier and reopen the door to some more pain and hurt. Okay, so I had Britney Spears but that song WOMANIZER, it makes me feel great now when i hear it (i used to hate this song) You got me going You're oh so charming But I can't do it You womanizer Boy don't try to front, uh, I Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah Boy don't try to front, uh, I Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah You say I'm crazy I got you crazy You're nothing but a Womanizer

#28 Jul 2 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

Marie

Bittersweet

It was upsetting especially once I started figuring him out. He was the one that actually verified my suspicions. Once he told me the story of Leah it was all too clear. Leah was a woman he met at a music school, she took her boys he took his son. Of course he couldn't help that they fell for one another. She left or was going to leave her husband this was never very clear but the husband found out. All hell broke loose and of course she wanted him dead. I remember how pathetic he looked when he told me this story but I had no sympathy for him, only for her. He would not leave his wife, at the time he was still married. He would often grow despondent over Leah because he had ruined her life. Whenever he got the chance if he didn't think I was on he'd post away messages for her that read L.I.L.Y. please contact me. Sometimes the messages were in Greek and I had a Greek friend translate for me. I was able to figure out L.I.L.Y. was Leah I love you, that was the beginning of the end for me. The other reason I think he'd like to have a married woman is because he can live a fantasy world with them but not have a commitment. He could make promises then break them for their safety. He used that ploy with me, when he decided not to call or didn't want to see me for ages. Didn't work too well with me since I'd been separated awhile. I think he could also use the fact the woman was married as blackmail when he wanted to end things. I decided against contacting Michele because it could get ugly. I really just want him out of my life. She has two small children, I'd hate to see their lives turned upside down because of him. I remember being jealous of her in the beginning now I just pity her. Funny when that song came out I asked if he knew Britney. I said she had written a song about him, lol. He gave me a fake laugh.

#29 Jul 2 - 11PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

wow

Sounds a lot like my Psycho-Boy story (I would be the Leah in this one): http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/barbaras-story ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#30 Jul 3 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

Marie

OMG

OMG Barbara that is some story. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. So much is similar to mine. After I was separated I was so depressed but was getting used to being on my own. Was content even to be on my own, definitely wasn't looking to be involved with another person because I hadn't yet worked out my previous relationship. He was just persistent and after a year or so you begin to trust. My N also just wanted a free whore or a sugar mama. He hasn't worked in over 8yrs I've found out. I knew he has been out of work since I knew him because he had an accident while on the job. He had several times tried to get me to move in with him or open a joint bank account. My saving grace is my daughter. Because of all I see and read my number one rule was to never have another man at the house with her, I'm very protective of her. I may have loved him but my daughter is always first. These guys are just nightmares, reading your story was like reliving some of mine. They start out so sweet then over time do everything to break you. It's something I just don't understand. When it was obvious mine was avoiding me online, he would do the same not IM or respond to IMs, sign off then sign back on after I'd sign off as if you can't figure that one out. I decided I had enough of the game and stopped responding to email, IMs, calls...Even in the neighborhood if I saw his car out front I'd go around the back way. One time he actually waited for me to come around the back. He asked if it was to avoid him and I said yes, that I was tired of the whole thing. It was too obvious he was avoiding me so why bother with me at all. I figured out the whole Michele thing. Her name appeared on his profile one day, when he said she was a "married" friend the alarm went off. I put her name on my bud list and sure enough his name would appear with hers at the same time day in and day out, night after night the same times. Wasn't hard to put two and two together. When her name signed on if we were chatting all of a sudden his messages would slow down to me, he was having computer problems. He then began telling me his friend Matt was having so many problems with his marriage. What's Michele's husband's name? Matthew. He was spending a lot of time with them just like he did with Yvonne and her husband, who are now separated. I confronted him a few times about stuff but realized it was pointless. So I began distancing myself. I was so disillusioned with it all. From how hard he worked to win me, treated me like a princess then just like crap. As much as he wanted me for his free whore he complained about me sexually as well. Out of the handful of men that I've been with, he is the only one. He will sometimes insinuate that I must have had many, I can count on one hand how many I've been with. As far as intercourse we were never fully able to accomplish this because there's apparently something wrong with the way I'm built. Couldn't be that he had a limp one. Sorry it's late getting cynical. He did belittle my work and because deadlines are always so horrendous he would focus on how much of my time is spent working. Something I do resent because I never feel I have enough time for my daughter. I actually began cutting my work load something that in the end caused me to scramble one month to get the mortgage paid. When I last got caught outside I was taking a delivery from a FedEx man. My N drove by to comment how they're still driving me crazy with work. Actually since Jan I'm happy everytime a new job comes in and don't feel annoyed because I don't have that voice saying "oh no more work!" bringing me down. Sad to say your story is now being played out again by him with this Michele. He has known her since high school though he never dated her. His kid I also learned stayed at her house a number of times last summer for overnights. So he has a lot of interaction with her, finding an excuse to be around all the time. So when feelings begin which they will if she's unhappy and he's showering her with all that attention and that flashy smile;it will seem to all have just happened that it couldn't be helped. She will not know until the end that it was all plotted out over years. This will all blow up on him soon. If his mom passes away he has no place to live. His ex wife is still in the nursing home and I don't think he can get control of her finances though he's been trying. I think he's pretty much gone through all his mother's money. This I believe was done intentionally so his siblings get nothing. There is a lot of fighting between him and two siblings over inheritance. I'm actually waiting for them to cart him off to jail for all the money he owes and doesn't pay out. It's amazing at what lengths they will go to ruin other people's lives even if the ruin theirs along the way. Of course one of his lady friends might be there to help out because he's such a great guy and I'm a nutcase. Just like Leah is a nutcase though he still purchases Leah memorabilia off ebay. Yes, his ebay account. How do I know about it, I helped make his username. It's how I know who and if he's involved. One purchase last summer was a silver framed photo album with ballet slippers engraved on the front. That must have been for Yvonne's daughter because she's in ballet. He went to see her dance the nutcracker with their family. The snowbaby entitle "falling for you" could have been purchased for Michele. The purchase date is interesting on that one. It's the same day he came crying over to my house that his wife had taken a turn for the worse. That upset would I be on ebay buying snowbabies? Not likely. I know I shouldn't spy but like to know what he's about. I just hate them all. They go around hurting people, upsetting lives and they do ruin you. The longer you're with them the deeper the scars, it's hard to get over what they do. As of today it has been one full week that he has not called. I did see him and he beeped and waved, I didn't acknowledge him.

#31 Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

Marie

That's how Psycho-Boy got to me. Unhappily married. Old friend, swoops back into my life and put the verbal hypnosis whamma-jamma on me. PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED! BTW most of those sites allow you to post anonymously. Just be careful what you say... then say (if he goes after you) that YOU didn't post that and you have NO IDEA. It will drive him nuts. (Yes, I know I'm bad. :P) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

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