What was his favorite abusive name for you....

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#1 Aug 25 - 2PM

sweetsamm

What was his favorite abusive name for you....

Well,just got my latest text from my ex calling me 'tweeker',now let me give you history,when we met my nickname was hottie,called me that all thetime....then,it was honey,not honey like you think,he would say,'honey is meeting me for lunch..,honey and i are going boating today',everyone thought it was soo cute..when i left him,people would ask him if he and honey were still together..lol,anyway,toward the end it was fat bitch,hag,rag,whore,skank,etc.........when i left him,i lost about 10lbs,i'm only 5'3 and weighed 105 when i was called a fat whore,lol,so when i lost the 10lbs it turned to anorexic tweeker...i'm now back to about 102,eat all the time,lol,sleep normal hours,etc.....so,i want to know the names you were called and the one that stung the most?? I have to say tweeker is really getting under my skin.........ugh!!ESPECIALLY,since everyone tells me i've never looked better in my life....

#2 Sep 4 - 6PM

Susan32

"Idiotic Grin"

In "Anna Karenina", the drunken adulterous Stepan is described as having an "idiotic grin." Since the ex-Psych professor was- and still is- a major Tolstoy fan (he claims to be vegetarian and against organized religion, just like Tolstoy!),he'd insult my "idiotic grin." He'd complain to my classmates about my "idiotic grin." Apparently he was complaining about it to his fellow professors... and they started avoiding him.

#3 Aug 31 - 9AM

WellRed

Well, I have a favorite name

Well, I have a favorite name for HIM - I call him "himself". ie. "himself" is at the store, "himself" is mad again, "himself" just flew into another rage.......you get the message.

#4 Aug 30 - 9PM

Imaginary Friend

"Bunny Boiler"

I suppose he thought I was playing Glenn Close to his Michael Douglas and that I had a Fatal Attraction for his "bunny", but I said to him, "What? THAT little thing? That little "bunny" is far too small and soft to boil. It would need to be gently steamed." It's me, the former invisi one.

#5 Sep 4 - 6PM (Reply to #34)

helldweller

imaginary friend and others

"Bunny boiler." For Christ's sake, they so want us to be that woman. But we are so not. I got pretty damned close a couple of times at the end, but the difference? She was nuts to begin with.

#6 Aug 27 - 5PM

helldweller

abusive names

Baby. Just "Baby." Nothing else. I always felt he making sure to never call me anything bad so I couldn't hold anything against him to anyone. He was so careful about everything. So, so careful.

#7 Aug 27 - 5PM (Reply to #31)

ShaynasMommy

And "Baby"

...is also impersonal. Can't get to close or personal, now can we?

#8 Aug 27 - 7PM (Reply to #32)

Susan32

Incredibly impersonal

The ex-Psych professor would intentionally ignore his colleagues if they called him by his real name instead of his surname. He INSISTED on formalities. He NEVER called me by my real name, even when he was in his rages. He didn't even call me by my real name after I graduated. After I met his girlfriend, he called her "Miss G---" in such a cold, impersonal way it was mind-boggling. I had expected him to be a swoony, hormonal guy head over heels in love--and that he'd naturally call her by her real name. But noooo. He sounded so prim and proper calling her by her last name&social title... but so impersonal. And she was ENGAGED to him, living with him, and apparently having sex with him. Didn't make sense! At the time, I was thinking,"Okay, you're not in love with me--she's your girlfriend, so at least ACT like you're in love with her."

#9 Aug 26 - 4PM

imabloke

God this is awful...

Why would someone call you awful names - to your face.. bad enough behind your back.. I just don't get this. These men that you've been with girls - they are sick - i mean really sick. And these people are supposed to be in love with you. But hey, i know what it's like in the beginning and we were all duped! Including me. So don't take it personally, i know how you feel. She (my ex) said some awful shitty stuff to me, particularly towards the end, all the DD experience led me to this site. But no awful name calling... she's probably calling me all sorts of names now. But i don't care. Haven't heard from her since NC - about 11 weeks now. And Sam - i think you look 'effing fabulous!!!!!

#10 Aug 26 - 5AM

awayfromhim

I'm not seeing the purpose

I'm not seeing the purpose of this thread. Sure, the Ns are verbal abusers and the arsenal of hateful things they say is quite extreme. When someone is talking about the N in a different post, say one about NC or whatever the topic may be and the name calling comes up, fine. However, to have a thread specific to drumming up the hurtful and hateful things an N has said for that sole purpose makes no sense to me. His "favorite abusive name" could really trigger someone, especially someone new to all this.

#11 Aug 30 - 8PM (Reply to #28)

gettinbetter

I understand what you are saying BUT

I cant speak for anyone else but I read these threads and honestly some of them give me a good belly laugh cause I know just what they are talking about the laughing keeps me from texting and crying. I dont think anyone here means anything hurtful. While there are diffrent variations its really the same story over and over. I for one find this stuff comforting to know that there are other people out there suffering exactly what I have suffered right down to the name calling. You start to see what pathetic creatures they are and you start to laugh. Laughing is good!

#12 Aug 28 - 9PM (Reply to #26)

sweetsamm

awayfromhim.....dont judge

U dont get this thread?? Well,the reason for a lot of these threads is to realize u r not alone....AND to remember why u r not with him anymore and never should be...please dont come on this site and judge any thread...everyone on this site has their own reasons for coming here...if u choose not to reply that's your purogitive,but obviously a lot of people replied,....this is a place for understanding and safe haven to say how u feel without judgement,thanks:)

#13 Aug 29 - 5AM (Reply to #27)

awayfromhim

I was far from judging. If

I was far from judging. If that's what you think I was about, that's your issue. What I said is that I didn't get why someone would need to have a post specific to name calling and feared it would trigger some people. What I learned about recovery and what worked for me was to get out of the constant rehashing of the abuse. It is not helpful and, in my opinion, unnecessary, especially to the degree of this thread. I understand what happens in a relationship with an N and how hard the recovery can be. Just because I don't agree with the content of a thread and choose to voice that opinion doesn't mean you can accuse me of behaviors that did not exist. But again, that is your issue to own and not mine.

#14 Aug 26 - 8PM (Reply to #25)

tigger73

After reading this thread,

After reading this thread, I have even more validation that I am not nor ever was the one with the problem. I slept thru the night for the second night in 4 mths. It is reading and sharing the common factors regarding n's that are helping people heal, even if the common factor is vulgar and repulsive name calling. The name calling is such a common weapon these types have, and to know that it is part of their disease, well, it is healing to the victim, which is me. And the only trigger I got from it was, "Holy shit, he really is sick, and he's like the others......".

#15 Aug 26 - 9AM (Reply to #24)

terri

I see your point

AwayFromHim - I understand your feelings and you make a valid point, but I think it does help to know that these hurtful words were a common tactic/weapon that these Ns used to demean their "victims". Even though we all tell ourselves that they're only words, words can still be extremely hurtful - especially when they are used to attack character, physical attractiveness or whatever. Words are ESPECIALLY hurtful when they are coming from people we love and who we believe (wrongly of course) love us. Yes, I believe it helps to know that what we experienced was NOT related to who we are as people, but they were as DISORDERED people. But I respect your opinion and so glad that this is a safe place to agree and disagree as friends! Terri

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#16 Aug 25 - 11PM

broken23

luckily he didnt call me

luckily he didnt call me names (to my face) but just insulted me all the time saying im selfish, picky, high maintenance, too much, demanding, cry baby etc etc. i guess the one that hurt the most was selfish since my mission in life was to be as unselfish as possible in attempts to please him. on a side note....you look amazing. so i am going to assume he was really insecure about his looks if he had to insult you

#17 Aug 25 - 8PM

apple

oh, the name calling...

psycho, nut job, little bitch, Nothing but trouble, mostly it was crazy bitch though. Never once did I ever call him names back (after our very first fight in Feb 2009). Have you ever heard that song Wild horses by the rolling stones? I would listen to those lyrics all the time... No sweeping exits or offstage lines Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind This was my theme song. Plus the high road is so much sweeter than the low. Wise words from my beloved grandmother.

#18 Aug 25 - 8PM

aceonelady

what he called me

He called me control freak ,power bunny,Claudius Maximus ,the destroyer of the understanding,asshole,piece of shit,sorceress,witch,ugly bitch,needy,and that i looked like a young Betty middler and he don't like her at all....But i was also called darling,baby,white goddess...WTF....

Aceonelady

#19 Aug 25 - 5PM

Susan32

What a teacher calls his student...

The Psychopath I dealt with was my teacher. We didn't get physically or romantically involved (thank God)... but he knew how to degrade me. Usually he was too much of a coward to tell it to my face. He'd tell my classmates that I was crazy. When we had lunch together, he'd critique my portions and said that I'd get fat (over 4 years, I saw him go from model slim to paunchy) He'd say that I needed to "learn to manage my feelings." I knew bullies in elementary, middle&high school;I dealt with romantic rejection in high school. The ex-P combined them and made them WORSE. He'd tell his circle of male disciples that I wasn't smart. Unlike the bullies in school, who I could (and did) avoid... he put on the whole "friend" act that confused me. Unlike bullying classmates, he put extra effort into making me feel worthless. He called me a narcissist whenever I showed self-confidence&challenged him. He mocked my friends as "cheerleaders" and that they "didn't see my bad side." His favorite insult word was "weird"--and he claimed his goal was to normalize me. HE was the weird one...

#20 Aug 25 - 5PM

amberleaf

Sweetsam

Sweetsam, From your photo you look absolutely gorgeous.That man is an eejit to slag you off re your looks. They do pick away,overtly and insidiously, don't they? amberleaf

#21 Aug 25 - 5PM

amberleaf

He tested and I resisted

First time we met,he made a comment that "I felt sorry for the poor bitch having to run around arranging everything in order to meet me" I knew he was referring to me in the third person,and was gobsmacked and immeadiately thought "Pay attention here,you haven't met this type before" Later,he tried introducing swearing such as bast**rd,f*uck etc,and I said "Excuse me,but men do not swear around me,I don't accept it" He accepted this.He was testing me.I decided to keep seeing him,casual relationship,as I was intrigued,lol. Over a year later,we were having a discussion,and he brought up that he thought calling women derogatory names,such as bitch,whore etc was acceptable. I had a "clunk" feeling and realised that a line had been approached. I looked at him,coolly,and asked if he thought it appropriate to refer to any of the women in his business (he was a big shot,lol)with such terms? "No,of course not!" I then asked him why he thought it appropriate to think about calling me those terms? He replied that there was nothing I could do about it. I gave him a measured look,and said "You are right.I can't stop you saying anything you like.All I can do is make sure that I am never in earshot if you do decide to call me those names" He looked flustered,and replied "Well,that's taking it a bit too far isn't it?" Eh,"NO" I replied This was a man who was used to women chasing him,and people jumping when he snapped his fingers. I saw him,casually,as that suited me,for a year and a half. I left him last December. I still miss him,but am not going back.

#22 Aug 25 - 5PM

Jewwell

So rude!

One day he called me cat piss! Doesn't that sound like something a 5 yr old would say? When all is good he calls me "baby" -- yuck!!

#23 Aug 25 - 4PM

kiwi10

HMMM

lazy, stupid, selfish, 'little miss me me', nagative, judgmental, 'fuck you bitch', i don't love you anymore', cry baby, boo-hoo, go call someone who gives a shit, oh wait.. i got carried away.

#24 Aug 25 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

happydaysahead

I got..............

Selfish, Tubby (uhm I weigh about 110, but ok) and then let's not forget the F*cking asshole c*nt--but he saved that for special occasions !!

#25 Aug 25 - 4PM

terri

"Selfish bitch" was used

"Selfish bitch" was used more than once. Sometimes "_ucking selfish bitch" to mix it up a bit. Most recently, after I broke the engagement, it got upgraded to "piece of shit". These were always thrown out during his rages, and he would usually acknowledge that he was wrong to say those things and that he would try NOT to keep saying them. But he always did anyway. (there's that lack of empathy) Some of my friends who had not seen the "real self" and had gotten to like and admire the "false self" would try to get me to understand his anger and hurt ego after having someone break an engagement. I know they wanted to see me happy and thought they were helping me get through a relationship bump. Then when I started telling them the dark secrets of what the relationship had really been like - and mentioned the instance of being called a "piece of shit" - they recanted their advice and told me to stay away and never look back...right after they picked their jaws up off the ground and stuck their eyeballs back in the sockets. :)

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#26 Aug 25 - 3PM

hopefuljms

I guess I was very lucky, in

I guess I was very lucky, in reading some of the others stories. Mine never got loud, never yelled and never physically hurt me. He would just disappear. He used to call me love and tell me how beautiful I was and then it just stopped. I used to tell him, if you don't love me, let me go and he just couldn't. Finally when he found someone new, it was easier, but of course he never told me he found someone. He kept dangling the relationship and future marriage in front of me so that I would stay in contact. Thank God for the internet! I found out everything I needed to know and ended it for good. His lies were so tremendous he had to cut ties with everyone he knew for the past 10 year because I told them all about the crap he pulled!

#27 Aug 25 - 2PM

ShaynasMommy

names he called me

Narc #1 never really called me names, I guess he didn't want to give me too much reality all at once. His abuse was much more covert than that. Narc #2 called me cunt twice. The first time, playfully, like it was no big deal. The second time, not so playfully. 2nd time I left him. I was a bit older and wiser at this point.

#28 Aug 25 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

sweetsamm

I'm sooooo pissed at myself

I'm sooooo pissed at myself for putting up with it.....what was i thinking???

#29 Aug 25 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

tigger73

I was called cunt, bitch, f

I was called cunt, bitch, f ing bitch, psycho bitch, fat ass, and I am 5'7 130 lbs AFTER 3 kids, really though, "you are such a cunt" was the pretty standard one, and used more than I can count in 10 yrs, and my oldest daughter heard him call me f ing bitch more than I care to admit. I could be called these names for asking him if we should paint our living room....no kidding.....or, "honey, what time will you be home for supper?" Or, "hey honey, can you change the babies diaper, the 5 yr old needs something......or "do you mind if I run to the store right now.....can you please read the 5 yr old his book before bed?" NOTICE!!!! All of his abuse was after he was asked to do something for someone else..... completely and total selfish asshole. Thank you sweetsamm for bringing this topic up, because me writing this right now just reinforced what an absolute asshole abuser he truly is. I think I will even sleep better tonight. :)

#30 Aug 26 - 5AM (Reply to #4)

sweetsamm

Psycho bitches....alll of us,lol

Well everyone,let me tell you what i noticed.....i don't think there was a name any of you were called that i wasn't called...psycho bitch,dumb cunt,when i was reading all the posts,my jaw dropped,every single name I had heard...it's gonna sound wierd,but i'm actually glad most of you were called crazy...i know i'm not,but he had me questioning my sanity on a daily basis...one more thing....what is up with calling thin girls fat! Again,he had me questioning if i was fat,thinking maybe i just didn't see it...then when i was 'too skinny',wondering that maybe i did look like some anorexic...but,now i realize I could never win with him...I remember when guys would look at me he would say 'You think those guys liked you....theyre looking at you because you look easy".....I am sooooo glad our daughter is a spitting image of me......he will be looking at her face for the rest of his life until he ends up in hell with tiger,mel,jesse,lol.....

#31 Aug 26 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

ShaynasMommy

Yeah, Sweetsam...

And what the hell is up with exchanging a slim pretty woman (like myself and you and others...) for FAT UGLY ones after D&D us! Im not perfect, but.....damn!

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