When 'friends' start to see the true colors of the narc

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#1 Aug 10 - 5AM
Deidre40
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When 'friends' start to see the true colors of the narc

I’m in such a good place these days, although, there are minor moments, when my memory fleets back to all the chaos and sadness that the narc brought into my life. But, I’ve cut off contact with most of our mutual friends, and don’t visit that website we once belonged to, together. I also don’t view the website ‘he’ and his minions have created. (although I did briefly lurk a few days ago, and it’s nothing but negativity disguised as a website to help people…okay. Lol) Anyways, one of our mutual friends, who I’m growing distant from, reaches out to me yesterday, and says that ‘’you were right, Dee.’’ I said ‘’abut what?’’ He said….’’put it this way. I don’t fit in with (fill in narc’s name) and all those people.’’ I said…’’what do you mean?’’ He went on to tell me. Sounds like he finally sees the narc and those he attracts, as the mean spirited folk they are. I didn’t gloat. But, I didn’t feel a sense of comfort in knowing, I’m not crazy. Narcs eventually do taint whoever they get close to. I told him a while back…be careful who you align yourself with. (insert narc’s name) is not your friend…and you’re going to follow him right off a cliff, if you’re not careful. He told me (the friend) that he didn’t like who he was becoming, hanging around ‘’them.’’ (narc + minions) I guess he came to the conclusion, that hanging around narcs and their minions, causes one to become like a narc. He said…’’how I was behaving was totally different, and I didn’t like how I started talking to my wife and kids.’’ Good man to realize this! I remember when I used the ‘f’ word constantly, and that was all a result from dating the narc. Not that using it is bad, it’s not. But, I was angry a lot, and had a chip on my shoulder…just like the ex N. I didn’t realize he was the chip. Lol But, thought I’d share this with you all…was going to keep it to myself and let it go. But, it bears sharing, that these people think that everyone around them is dumb and naïve. We are not. Hugs to you all…have a good week.

Aug 10 - 6AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The Narc's minions

I think some of my classmates were afraid I'd end up like the ex-Psych prof... so the final D&D ended up being the vindication of my character in the eyes of my classmates AND his colleagues. My professors had always been supportive, but slightly wary... however, the final D&D practically gave me a halo;all I needed was to work 3 miracles, and I could've gotten sainthood. The ex-P's girlfriend (now his wife of a decade) was tainted by that in advance. My professors were able to see me as separate from him. I somewhat had guilt by association that the final D&D washed away like baptism, but she was tainted from the get-go. His colleagues had ostracized him because of the way he mistreated me... and the poor woman was ostracized without having her say. My own experience of guilt by association, the fact that being with him had somewhat stained my reputation (sex&romance with him would've destroyed it)... kept me from hating her. Judgment was already passed on her, without even knowing her. I don't know if the ex-P's wife is a minion, an ally, a fellow bully, or if she is in the same position I once was-brainwashed,a target. It is not my business to know. The common experience here is that we were the TARGETS of Narcs;allies are a whole other story.
Aug 10 - 5AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

D

This is an excellent post, they do get figured out! D, you have come so far, you are an example of how the hard work pays off! I remember when you arrived ,again ,for Narcville round 2.. You were a train wreck, sorry you were! Happy and I said "we dont think she's going to make it"" Thanks for proving us wrong! If I can do it, happy can do it and you, everyone here can too!! You Rock Hunter
Aug 10 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

oh, your post warms my heart

oh, your post warms my heart right now, hunter. thank you! haha that you didn't think i'd make it. lol yea, there were days when i wondered. i had to stop the noise. ending it with the narc wasn't enough. staying NC with just him wasn't enough. i had to cut off contact with people who's only intentions were to harm me with narc-talk. and i only have a few left...and they are at an arm's length. i deactivated my account from that website. i'd say omitting the noise from the narc's minions was what got me here. And most importantly, God. Without His grace, seriously. I'd still be a mess. Oh, and I cut contact with the narc from last summer, too. lol NO MORE NARCS FOR ME!!! :P One of these days, let's meet for lunch/dinner, Hunter. So I can hug and thank you in person for all your help.
Aug 10 - 5AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

sorry for typos...where it

sorry for typos...where it reads...''i didn't have a sense of comfort...'' that should read ''did.'' lol