when will I no longer csare?

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#1 Apr 13 - 8AM
AJRD
AJRD's picture

when will I no longer csare?

So my N (who I have to work with) is now NC with me. Purposefully avoiding me...refusing to speak. I should be doing cartwheels. I am instead sitting in my office feeling so sad. When does this end???

Apr 13 - 11AM
exhausted
exhausted's picture

I work with my N too and he

I work with my N too and he does this same exact thing. Since I went NC he tries doing it from time to time. It's actually amusing because for him it's a game but for me it's for real. Even after we have figured them out and they know it they still think we want them for some reason. This is all a game. He wants you to ask him why he is ignoring you or why he is mad at you. He wants you to start an argument. Don't fall for it. Just appear that it isnt nothering you. Get on your phone and fake like youre in the middle of a funny conversation (mine HATES that). Just watch, after a few weeks of this (mine was 2 weeks) he will see that it isnt working and then he will be super nice to you adn try to make you laugh. He'll try the "friend" angle. That is all he is doing right now. He is trying different angles to see what will work on you. It's funny to watch. Just sit back and enjoy watching how pathetic he is!
Apr 14 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

So the ignoring continues today...

I know it's all a game. I know, I know. Doesn't make it any easier to live with here. I hate this. :-(
Apr 13 - 9AM
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Who watched Biggest Loser

Who watched Biggest Loser last night? I turned it on when everyone was on top of the tall building about to jump. There were two young girls, maybe sisters, and one was saying she was ready to jump. To leave that other person behind, start a new life, leave it all behind. That life of being fat, is gone! Well...I started to bawl. So I just prayed to God. I asked that he take my anger and seek vegence on the abuser. I also asked that he protects the N's stepdaughters and gives his childbride the self-esteem and balls to do what is right when the time is right for her. I prayed to have the strength to never think about him ever again. He is not important. That life with him, that person I was with him, IS GONE! I am a different person now. I will never be that person or have that life EVER AGAIN! Last night it felt like I jumped off of the building with everyone and left that life behind.
Apr 13 - 9AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I am sorry. :=( I'm very sad

I am sorry. :=( I'm very sad today too...not for the reasons you are, but just the whole thing makes me sick and sad. I give you credit. I couldn't work with this guy I just broke up with...no how no way. Maybe find a new job, and resign. It is more important to not have to deal with such stress day in and out. Just my take. If you can't quit right now...know this. It's all about control. He lost control. The only way he can cope with it now is to ignore you. I want to type a lot more to help, but I think I'm going to vomit thinking about these assholes anymore. Seriously...Have to go. {{hugs}} for now.
Apr 13 - 9AM
terri
terri's picture

try looking at it this way

I dont' know how long you've been NC but keep reminding yourself that it takes time. It is hardest in the first few months because your feelings are so raw and you are still emotionally attached to him - even though the attachment was not a positive one. As strange as it may seem, we are automatically programmed to gravitate to what we are accustomed to - our default setting - and that became the narc. The nature of the narc's behavior also falsely instills a sense of dependency as well, so it's doubly hard to break free. TIME is the answer. Try to be patient and see your mind, spirit and heart as tangible parts of you. They've been injured the way a bone can be broken. A broken bone needs to be set straight, protected by a hard covering and not exercised until it's been allowed enough time to heal itself. The most pain is in the beginning of the healing process, but gradually it stops hurting as much. At that point, you slowly begin to expose and move it and getting back into a normal process of using it again. You WILL recover and get back to a normal process of living life again. You just need to allow the healing process to cycle through in its good time.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Apr 13 - 8AM
madashell
madashell's picture

It`s hard

Don`t let him win.It`s hard but he can`t see that it`s upsetting you.It`s all mind games...
Apr 13 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
JLMNY1
JLMNY1's picture

It is a mind game. I went NC

It is a mind game. I went NC with my exN two weeks ago after he called me demanding I pay a bill. It's his fault I had to quit my job and move home, and I have no money because I'm still unemployed. After that, I haven't heard anything from him. And I haven't contacted him in any way. Before that, he was the one who contacted me two weeks after I moved out by email. My exN has said in the past that he doesn't chase anyone. And he doesn't. He has too much pride for that, and too much of the 'I'm better than you so I don't have to chase anyone" mentality. If I cross his mind at all anymore, which I'm pretty sure I don't, it would be only to wonder if I'm going to be pathetic enough to try to stay friends with him or keep contact with him. I have no desire to contact him again. It's still VERY sad though. I think about it all the time.
Apr 14 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oh yes he does. He just

Oh yes he does. He just convinces his victims he doesn't because he knows if they knew or if he does it they will use it as a weapon but trust me when you leave he wants to chase he just can't risk letting you know you have the power that he knows you have