Where to now?

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#1 Jun 21 - 1AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

Where to now?

How is everyone going to live their lives since the Narc has left the building?

I have been thinking about this a lot, what do I want? What do I want to change? What will we do now they can no longer make us feel bad or doubt ourselves?

Does anyone have any small or big goals or plans?

I am stuck in the 'where to now' phase, I am free and can do what I like, so why don't I feel that way? I think I am afraid of movement.

It would be good to hear from people who have given this some thought. I don't want to keep living my life as I am still with the Narc, it is time to change things up a bit, take some risks etc.

Jun 21 - 12PM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

The Right Road

I want to go down the right road. No more CharlieSheenWinning or his WinningFriends. I want to stay in touch with and hang out with only good, positive people. Luckily, I happened to reconnect with some old friends right as CharlieSheenWinning was going silent on me bacause he was hooking up with and then marrying his new supply. So, I don't know if my future includes another relationship, but it certainly doesn't include another narc! Now I feel I know what to look for. My radar is up and I will listen to my gut. Yep. Be with positive, honest, trustworthy people and listen to my gut. That's pretty much it. :):):)
Jun 21 - 6AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Your stuck because your

Your stuck because your healing sweetheart. It's normal to feel a bit stuck. Everything will start to lift soon... Answering your question, I am mainly focusing on taking each day at a time. Not being to hard on myself And just trying to find the little things to smile about each day. It's a bumpy road and I'm afraid you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. You were in an abusive relationship so you can't expect years of brainwashing and distorted thinking to simply go away. Please don't be do hard on yourself. If you run away from facing your awful truth you will only repress it. It sucks, it really does. The other thing I'm focusing on is kickboxing, I want to get good enough so that no man or anyone will ever knock me down again. Never, ever. Sounds dumb, but I am serious!!! Take as much support as you need from people who care about you. You will move forward in your life. The fact that you took the steps to get out of an abusive relationship takes enormous strength and courage. Be proud of yourself, I sure as hell am proud of you!! Think I've gotten a bit sidetracked lol. Remember I'm here anytime you need to talk.... Xox
Jun 21 - 6AM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

What is triggering me to become involved with undesirable

I've been giving a lot of thought to what to do in the pace few months. I've been rebuilding family relationships. I've reading everything I can get my hands on regarding EUM men, psychos, disordered men. I seem to be at a point, I need to find out what is triggering me to become involved with undesirable men, be aware of my own vulnerabilities and weaknesses..then, if possible I need to close those rabbit holes psycho men use to get a foot in. I'm working on figuring how to heal me, and recognizing both the good and bad men, knowing the difference. I'm getting an advanced degree in mentally ill men who woo, win and injure overly trusting women. So far, I'm now reading a book by S. Brown on spotting dangerous men before I become involved. My narc used my enmpathy for the pain of others to hook me...not sure exactly what he wanted from me..He said the fact that I loved him, and made him feel alive is why he loved me. (NOT!) i do understand why he targeted the OW. He wants someone to sponge off of without having to work. He truly is an opportunistic parasite. The OW looks to be lonely, desperate to be loved, trusts too much. She has $$$$ (financially secure), and basically is a perfect target for a con-artist. My narc spent all that intense early time with her as a means of control, isolating her from friends, and luring and hooking her before she could figure out his M.O. Time is of the essence for a narc. Next I need to find a job, establish a varied social life, and enjoy myself. Life is good, and I am enjoying it with pleasure. Doing some gardening and swimming today. Thank you Ms. Brown for all advice!
Jun 21 - 4AM
dudette
dudette's picture

I got a new job

It's a bit of a pay cut but it will be worth it. It's a small geographical move from where I am but most importantly, I am leaving education, leaving the sphere of influence of my XN behind....leaving his OWs and his spies behind. It's it indeed very exciting - I am very excited.... My current employers want to keep me very much and have tried to beg and bribed but to no avail.....I have the kind of expertise that no-one else has in the organisation. I think before I leave I may drop a hint of the people who may have made it very difficult for me to stay.... I have been smiling ever since.... I said I would win this, I am winning this And now in the words of Propaganda: "Eye to eye stand winners and losers Hurt by envy, cut by greed Face to face with their own disillusion The scars of old romances still on their cheeks And when blow by blow the passion dies sweet little death Just have been lies the memories of gone by time Would still recall the lie The first cut won't hurt at all The second only makes you wonder The third will have you on your knees You start bleeding i start screaming It's too late the decision is made by fate Time to prove what forever should last Whose feelings are so true as to stand the test Whose demands are so strong as to parry all attempts And when blow by blow the passion dies sweet little death Just have been lies the memories of gone by time Would still recall the lie" bye bye N ;-)