Who else left/cheated with their N on their husbands?

I kind of did, but not "all the way" as it were because we never actually crossed the line and had sex. But otherwise, yes. In my case the Narc appeared to be everything I had ever wanted. Looking more closely I realise now that actually he really wasn't. What he actually was was something like the flip side of my partner, and I think that's what attracted me. It was almost like I could "fill in the gaps" with the Narc, but I wanted him so much I was quite prepared to leave my partner. Where it all went wrong was that as time was going by, the Narc wouldn't commit to anything and it was becoming increasingly clear that he'd "sold" himself to me with a pack of lies. He wasn't the person he claimed to be. Once I'd realised that it left me in turmoil. I didn't want to leave my partner because I love him, and I didn't want to lose the Narc because I was in love with the person he first made himself out to be. Narc Boy seemed to absolutely relish me being in this emotional hell, I swear he got off on it so much. What happened in the end was that it turned out he was pulling the same trick on another couple, and succeeded in splitting them up. He went off with this other guy, kept telling me we'd be friends no matter what, then just ditched me. Treated me like I was a bunny boiler and then all the nasty rumours on the grapevine started about how he was behaving in this new relationship. It was like he'd decided I didn't matter now, so he started showing his true colours. Vile. Fortunately I have recovered my relationship with my partner and learned to accept that nothing is perfect. Both my partner and the Narc have their pros and cons, even though the Narc made out he had no cons.

In my case, it wasn't a loveless marriage it was me getting a chronic illness that drove our mutual 'friend' to prey on me. Coupled with a husband working out of town, some wine, and well, one thing just leads to another. I've been n/c for two years save for one encounter on my porch a year ago where I calmly and unemotionally told the N to never contact me again. So far he hasn't, but he continues to pretend he is friends with my husband. Sickening! I am thankfully happily married for 26 years and having this fling with N is THE most regretful experience of my whole life. I doubt I will ever reveal this to my husband, just look forward to the day when he is out of our lives forever. Who needs the head games and drama? I so feel for the women here who don't have a rock of a man in their life and have to heal without real love in their lives. This has been such a painful experience for me even though I'm in a great marriage. Can't imagine what others go through. (((Hugs to all of you!)))

when N and I reunited after 25+ years. I am married to a great man, hard worker, great father and supporter but we have lost the love and the spark. No interest in sex whatsoever, but we are 2 months away from being debtfree, (4 years of hard work to pay off $75,000) I believe the debt payoff sucked us dry, there was nothing left to give each other. We love each other like best friends love each other and we are committed to finishing what we started. We shortsold our house and moved into an amazing waterfront condo and changed our lifestyle and I pray we find our groove again...but I need to finish my recovery and healing first. N was everything that I was missing in my life. Excitement, kisses, inside jokes, laughing, it felt like home. He was the first guy I ever kissed and I swear the kiss was exactly the same 30 years later. We quickly became confidants and best friends and shared everything with each other. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever countless times and we were talking of moving closer to each other and blending our families. It was like a fairy tale come true and my knight in shining armor was the first boy I ever kissed. I couldn't beleive how happy I was. Then the nightmare began with his dismissal of me. My husband was out of the house for most of this time....but I thank God that he never totally left...he wanted his family back desperately. He has been back in the house for almost a year now, mainly to pay off debt but it was with the understanding that my focus was my recovery, then the marriage. He doesn't know about N and I never will tell him. I want it to fade away as my heart heals and leave it all behind us. My husband and I have a real chance at a beautiful life....we see the light at the end of the tunnel now. And we deserve an honest chance when all this hard work is done. Stability has got to be better than the turmoil of the N. Life is more boring but I am finding that peaceful and content, but all the problems still remain. Just need time to process and digest all of this. Anyway, I know the pain of all this and I wish us all peace and happiness and healing.

I left my husband for N...well, sort of I told my husband about N after I spent 1 night with him while my husband was in the hospital (he's hospitalized a lot!) and that I wanted a divorce. I just felt like our love was dead. I then found out that the reason I felt that way was because my husband had gotten addicted to pain medication and was lying to me and the guilt he was feeling led him to pull away completely. He's chronically ill and in pain and sex has been gone for a few years now. I was tired of begging. My husband wanted me to live at home as roommates, he didn't even care if I dated and I tried but just felt I needed OUT! Was out 10 days when I found out all about the N and was so devastated I went home at 2 am. My husband has supported me, even offered to go to the clinic with me while I got tested for stds (I declined) I have decided to stick it out in my marriage. I love my family and my kids (his kids, my stepkids) and grandkids and I really do love my husband. I get lonely and sad still but really, I'm better off with him than without him. I don't know how long he has left, he has several chronic illnesses (cirrhosis, pancreatitis, diabetes) and they just found some spots on his left lung. The thought of losing him terrifies me. I don't feel "safe" on my own anymore. I used to be strong and confident and now I'm the little girl the stupid N accused me of being.

I was having an affair with my N while I was married. He begged me for 6 months to leave my husband. I kicked my husband out of the house three different times.. Each time my H left, the N went cold on me. Thankfully, my H loved me enough to keep coming back. We both have alot to lose.. A house, a 200 acre farm and 15 years together. The third time that my husband came back my N D&D me. He went into a fit of rage and vandelized my truck. It has been all crazy mind games since. He has been stalking me, triangulation, silent treatments, control by proxy, you name it. I found this site and I am going NC. I was in a sexless marriage for 7 years. The N made me feel alive inside again. I am trying to decide if I want to stay in a marriage to my H, who is just my best friend and that is all. But, Like you say where there is stability and freindship. The best kind of friend I have ever had. Or, to cut loose and be on my own and try to find another real man... Problem is I am a empath and I just hate to be alone. It drives me insane and I am afraid I will break down and not make it.. So I know exactly where you are coming from! Hope you get some good advice on here. Maybe it will help me too..