Why am I so heartbroken over a man who treats me like a used rag

my ex-N just flat out said to me as I packed my bags to get the hell away from him. "So, you're going to leave me like every other girl?" Do you get my point?

jaycee; Two things, after rereading what you posted...that I'd like to add... 1) She is very controlling. Why do you suppose that is? Because he cheats. :D And by golly...she's gonna make sure he doesn't cheat on her. It's ok that he cheated with her, but not on her. ;) Doesn't that sound like a fun relationship? 2) When two cheaters come together...they soon start distrusting one another. She inherited a cheater. Trust me. She will soon be paranoid beyond belief. They will be fighting, and he will return to you. Mark my words. But, don't take him back. The world is very round. :=)

Jaycee I know this hard to believe but you have been dealing with this pain so long that it has become comfortable and familiar to you. It defines this relationship to let it go means letting go of the last 25 years and that's scarier to you than dealing with the pain. In away you have become addicted to this pain because I think you may feel that the pain is better than nothing at all. It seems you have a bad case of addiction and are compulsively trying to resolve all of this trauma. What has your therapist told you?

I know how you feel. I have been through it several times now, and I know that gut-wrenching pain and the hurt at the thought of him with someone else. But let me share with you the pattern that I have started to see. I read it on here right after I went NC, but I didn't believe it until I saw it. Ex-N is 43, like me, left me during cancer treatment--total jacka++. First girlfriend that he flaunted around town was our 23 year old babysitter. That was gut=wrenching on many levels. They were together about 9 months. He now has no contact with her, isn't friends with her, the kids never mention her name, etc. Next gf--early 30s, beautiful, thin, seemingly normal, recently divorced, teacher. This one really confounded me. How could she be with him? She was around all the time, the kids complained about it. This is a small town and one of my friends knows her and saw her at the gym. This is what she said.... She said that he was mean to her. She said that he would get mad at her for the dumbest things and when she tried to talk to him about it, he would say "That's just how I am. I'm an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do." She said that it had ended very badly and that they were not friends and wouldn't ever be. She said that he had a LOT OF GROWING to do. They were together about 4 months. She has a 3-year-old that he was around a lot. HA! It is true Jaycee! They don't change, they can't. Some of his victims will figure it out, some won't for awhile. He will cycle through gfs like a washing machine. I promise. Now you and I both know that this knowledge doesn't completely stop the pain. I have been up in the middle of the night tonight fretting over his latest gf, who is about 24 or 25, with a 3 year old son. See the pattern? Guess how old our youngest was when he moved out? Yep, 3. I'm just kind of surprised and disgusted by how willing these women are to let a creepy old guy around their children so easily. I guess we all crave that perfect little family with a mommy and daddy and a cute little well-behaved toddler. The reality is that life and marriage and raising kids is a complicated, difficult and sometimes wonderful process. Narcs can't deal with anything that requires that much work or selflessness, so they cycle through one relationship after another, forever. Unless they find someone crazier than they are. That is the one caveat that still scares me. Hopefully, I will have my children close to being raised before that happens. Take heart honey, she isn't any better or kinder or prettier or nicer than you. She's just his latest victim, and we should all feel sorry for her.

I'm going to go out on a limb saying this...BUT. Please know, I speak from my own heart...and feel this is why I have been 'drawn' to narcs. Because I don't value myself enough. I only see myself through the eyes of what someone else thinks of me. Not only narcs. Bosses. Friends. Family. I am getting much better at not letting this be truth, but I know where my weakness with narcs eminates from. And it is from a place...in my childhood. During my formidable years. My dad had died. My mom died a year after him. My sister's husband was verbally abusive. I was a little kid--why did I deserve that? But, I was made to feel bad...like a burden...stupid...lazy. When you hear this from FAMILY...you find it hard that a stranger would think better of you. You have trust issues then, to boot. So, it's EASY to accept such crap from a man...because the role model in my life made me feel bad. For years. I am learning how to break depending on others for validation. Once you do that--you won't be interested in numb skulls like narcs. We have value. We're beautiful...not because a man tells us so. But, because we are God's children. We're smart not because a man tells us so. We're fascinating, not because a man tells us so. It's important to love one's self. For if you can't...you will be drawn to people incapable of love. Sort of a self fulfilling prophecy...cycle. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you!! {[hugs}}

BECAUSE YOU need to get professional therapy for yourself to help you move on and help YOU answer hat great question you asked of us

Jaycee that is the healthiest question I have heard you ask !!!!! Now you are on your way to recovery. I ask myself that every single damn day of my NC, Why would I want a man that did that to me, you wont find your answer from him but from within yourself. Jaycee there was NOTHING lacking in you that caused this man to cheat on you for 25 years and take up with this OW. But there sure as hell was something lacking in him and always will be. Let me fill you in on a little secret I discovered when I went NC, I dont like to tell my secrets because I worked DAMN hard to gain that knowledge and only YOU can find out yourself. When you look to YOURSELF and focus TOTALLY on yourself to find peace with all this something happens.... you begin to see what a wonderful and great person you have ALWAYS BEEN, it was the disordered that took you to the place you are in now, come on you have to admit HE AINT NORMAL Jaycee, how can you have ORDER in your life when you are dealing with a DISORDERED? Ask yourself that? You loved a disordered person all those years and you think your life will have anything close to peace, contentment? DISORDER is not a thing to have in your life, it ends up destroying your life, when you remove yourself from that disorder and the person that caused it slowly you will see this realization come to you. You still are in a disordered way of thinking, "he never was in love with you all those years and that is why he cheated, and now he is with the woman of his dreams" ????? AND SO IN LOVE? Love does not work that way, love is not instant, love is not only just self gratifying, love consists of thinking and considering the feelings of others and without conscience they do not have the capacity to do that. Is it YOUR fault he has no conscience and is disordered? OF COURSE NOT, them stop blaming yourself for why he did what he did, he did what he did because he is lacking the most important part of what we are made of. He has NOTHING to guide him for respecting the rights and feelings of others, he is completely amoral and completely and TOTALLY without remorse, that my friend is the makings of a sociopath/psychopath, it has NOTHING to do with what you are, what you gave him, how big the other womens boobs were, how pretty they were, how this, how that, how rich they are, or how much you loved him. You loved him because you are NOT like him, and I loved mine because I was ALSO NOT LIKE HIM, THANK GOD!!!! You want order in your life, then stop associating with DISORDERED individuals. x0x0x0x0

I am at this moment going through the exact same feeling. Why do we assume that they are just fine and going on with their life just wonderfully without us? I am thinking its because we know that whatever sentiment they expressed to us at anytime, we arent sure if it was ever true? I think their actions spoke much louder than their words. And that is what does us in.They kept us confused and just hanging...like asome sort of a limbo. I hope this feeling goes away soon

i was convinced we were the perfect couple,and still cant believe he never loved me,because what i felt truly was love for him..... yet i have been abandoned with no closure,and left broken hearted.... yes i was used too ... its sickening to think they can do this to as many woman as they want and theres nothing we can do,they are not breaking any law,and no one can anything to stop them. CANDY XX