Why Am I such a fool over this N? I broke NC

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#1 Aug 12 - 1PM

ACgirl

Why Am I such a fool over this N? I broke NC

I need your help ladies. I feel so sad and sick inside and yet, I know better. I haven't been on this site in about 2 mos or so. I thought I had a handle on this N thing. In brief, I have been with this N for about 5 years, on and off. The on and off part is what I now know has supply, D&D, etc. He kept coming back to me, and I kept letting him. I didn't even know that the word "Narc" existed. Anyway, I found this website this past March and it was my "ha-ha" moment. The entire relationship with this Narc suddenly became an "Ha-ha" moment. I met the Narc when I was having problems with my husband (typical, right?). I guess the Narc knew that he could prey on me. Then, I filed for divorce two years ago.

Anyway, I started NC on May 7th. I was going through a lot of strain with my family. My mother was very ill and I was out of sorts. So, when I thought that N was cheating again, I lost it. It ended badly. And even though I knew he was a jerk, I still felt regret that it ended badly. So, on July 5th I wrote him a letter saying that I was sorry that it ended so bad. The reason why I did that, (and please don't laugh)was because a well known psychic told me in a reading that the N still loved me and wanted to come back. Okay, are you all done laughing? ;-). Okay, so being a fool, and still having feelings for the jerk, I took that as my cue to email him. Well, as soon as I did, he kept texting me and emailing etc. The texts and emails were playful and a little sexy at times. Last week he asked if he could have lunch with me. I told him I was busy with work, even though I wasn't. He then said..."Okay, maybe we can get together sometime". But he never gave an actual day.

It is obvious that he has tons of supply because he is not all loving, etc like he is when he wants to rope me back in. I feel so hurt, foolish, like an idiot, etc. This is a man who two years ago told me I was his soul mate and that he wanted to marry me. This is a man who said that he wanted to have children with me, etc. Even this past April, he sent me cards telling me he loved me and didn't want to loose me, and as soon as I came back, he went back to the bimbo he has been seeing this past year. He is an emotional yo-yo.

And why on earth am I still crying over this man? I am so angry at myself as I write this. I want to scream. He goes out of town alot because of his work. He just sent me an email saying he couldn't answer my text message the other day because of an early wake up call, but he was thinking about "my sexy shoes...ummmmmm". That is all he said. He hasn't been home in a week because he travels, so when he gets home he will see that I sent him a cute card, which I now regret.

I don't know what to do. Don't laugh at me, but part of the reason I think I contacted him was that I didn't want it to end badly. I wanted him to suffer with the thought that he made a mistake by chasing after these bimbo OW. I'm sorry to call them that, but they seem like that to me. I have a great career, kind of prestigious, and I have been told I look pretty good. And yet, he runs away from me to these women who have no money and are takers. I don't get it.

Sorry for rambling on. I need help. I feel like a jerk. A part of me wants to write to him and tell him that I can't be "just friends" with him, and to please not contact me. And the other part wonders what would be the best way to make him suffer. I must make a confession, when I just read his email I was shaking. I was so scared to read what he would say. Why? Why do I still care knowing that he is no good for me? I just don't understand. Sometimes I keep thinking about how good it was between me and him once, and I hunger like a drug for those days. Then I look at my journaling and see how much he lied to me. I just don't understand myself. I don't know what to do. I cry a lot these days. I am so confused with all the emotions in me.

What is the best way to back out of this in a way that makes me retain whatever shred of dignity I may have left? Is there a way I can play the game back and keep him stringing? I want him to suffer. And finally, how do I resolve all this pain in me? I just don't get it. I have read so many of your stories, and it is uncanny how similar they all are. I feel blessed that you ladies are out there and that I found Lisa and this website. We are really helping each other. Bless you all. I love you. Acgirl

#2 Aug 13 - 12PM

ACgirl

The Best Revenge is Success!!

You know, I have been reading these posts this morning and it suddenly hit me, (duh) that the best way to get back at Narcs is to show them how happy we are and that we are doing great. You know that expression..."Fake it until you make it". It's like....if you force yourself to smile, you will. I am going to look for the post about the 8 steps and take Betty's great advice and do a little something for myself everyday. I think I will whip out some nail polish and paint my toe nails something really cool!! LOL. Okay, that's a start. I so want to move on with my life. I want to let go so bad, so I can let live. I love you guys. xoxo ACgirl

#3 Aug 13 - 12PM (Reply to #46)

betty2020

Now your using your

Now your using your head!!!!The last thing in the world a Narc wants to witness is the success of his former supply. That destroys all the hard work he did on beating you down to nothing. But Be aware that the day may come when he does see this and wants to jump back in and ride on your shirt tails...Dont fall for it! Its just another narc tactic to suck you back into his dark world. Painting your nails is a great idea. Thats the positive energy i like to see. Your on your way girl,,,baby steps in forward motion...Luv you too....xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#4 Aug 13 - 5PM (Reply to #47)

Susan32

Success as revenge--besides, it's legal (TM)

I was talking to a friend several months ago (when I felt tempted to call the ex-P, but I didn't), and I said, "Sometimes, being happy and wishing happiness on others is the best revenge." She had been very close to me during the D&D;she offered so much validation. She's still a good friend. How uncanny I said that BEFORE I found this great site! "The last thing in the world a Narc wants to witness is the success of his former supply. That destroys the hard work he did beating you down to nothing"-Several years ago, and a few months ago, I've sent mass emails of my published writings to A LOT of my former professors (including the ex-P) The theme of the emails was:success, happiness, joy... all that was missing was unicorns and rainbows. Trumpeting one's success is NOT forbidden by the Geneva Conventions. I like that. My senior essay advisor congratulated me on my success. The ex-P who "mentored" me in my writing... the fact that he can't congratulate me on my success, the more reason to rub it in. If envy is his wound, I can salt it.

#5 Aug 13 - 12AM

ACgirl

Thank you all so much for your wonderful responses!!

I don't know where to begin to thank you all for the care, love and time you gave me with your deep and thoughtful responses. Some of you are new to me, and some others I recognize from being on this site in the past. Loveofmylife, hello and great to hear from you. And you too Betty. And you are all my new friends as we share this bond, albeit not the bond we would have liked to bring us altogether. I can't tell you enough how everything you said made such a difference. When you feel this sad, it is such a comfort to know that someone else really GETS IT!! The thing that bothers me the most is how much of the red flags I saw, and how much I ignored them. I don't even know where I would begin in therapy with that one. It makes no sense. But we have all been there. Five years of my life were robbed from me. So many of you wrote that you got away. I am so proud of you. I can't wait to get to where you are. I still get these flashes of memories of good times we shared. It's like I could be just having coffee and then suddenly, a good memory just flashes and I am suddenly jolted with disbelief knowing that he could lie so much. And he was so cheap. OMG. He had money, a great job and a big house and he was so cheap. Are other Narcs like that? I am going to go NC again. I guess my only thought is how to do that. For the past month he has been reaching out to me almost everyday, sometimes a few times a day and I always responded If I just suddenly stopped, he would wonder and maybe even come by my house, which I don't want him to. When I went NC on him once before he sent me a text saying he would come by my house. I wouldn't want my kids to hear any of it. Some of you suggested maybe a goodbye email. I could do that, or I could just show little interest in him by backing away slowly. I am not sure which is the right approach. What should I do in my case? When I go to bed tonight I am going to re-read all your responses again. All of you said so many wonderful things, that I want to remember it all and learn from what you told me. Thank you for your love and support. I feel like saying the line from one of my favorite movies, "Star Wars" when Princes Leah says...."This is our darkest hour, Obi Whan Kanobi, you are our only hope". Well, you guys are my Obi Whan Kanobi. You are my only hope for freedom. Love, ACgirl

#6 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #44)

betty2020

If your really ready AC,,Go

If your really ready AC,,Go get that restraining order and show that narc freak you mean business! If he shows have him arrested. Dont let his pathetic Narc tactics suck you in anymore...Stay on the board 24/7 if you need it. If thats not enough and you need a phone source to call please let me know. If you really want what everyone has then you have to take the action to get it. You are at the crossroads. You have to make a choice now. I hope the turn you take is one of moving forward Narc free. No more talk, save that for the Narcs, only action now. It will come honey. Thinking of you today..xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#7 Aug 13 - 10AM (Reply to #30)

helldweller

ACGirl

Your post just hurt so much to read. The red flags, yes, were all there. One of the things that just shocks me to the core is how, after I've lost my friends and family, my looks, my business stability, my mental and physical health, my last chance to have another child, and am left alone, possibly for the rest of my life: he is completely intact--because that's the way he planned it. He carefully planned every step of the way to take everything from me and give me nothing at all. So after four years of promises, there is no marriage, no baby, no ring, no house or even house key, no mutual friends or family connections. No one even knew we were still together for the last year and a half. We crossed paths yesterday and he and his child were coming home from "back to school shopping" at an expensive department store. Back to school shopping? I can't even think about it; I have no money, no time and am too much of a wreck to even begin to conceive of it. The little boy stopped to talk to me and told me that, before the shopping, they were to the doctor for his physical. This is the doctor I found for him when he came, my own daughters' doctor. I held his hand through all of his shots, found him a dentist, bought all of his clothes, potty trained him. Now the narc pretends it never happened and has nothing but time and energy and money to play daddy after destroying my children and me. I haven't even made their doctor appointments yet. I keep thinking of the bag he had in his hand. A beautiful bag with two little shoe boxes inside of an expensive shoe brand. The little boy, as usual, were perfectly groomed: his hair freshly cut by the babysitter, perfectly white tshirt, fashionable shorts, clean hands and feet in his little sandals. I think about how the narc is capable of all of it: totally capable of doing what he is supposed to do for that child, totally aware of what he needs, totally able to perform all the appropriate loving tasks. Totally capable of feeling responsible. But not for us. Nothing for us. It was my daughter's eleventh birthday. He of course didn't remember. He walked right by her, and told her to stay off his grass. She was seven years old when we met. Seven. I am just in awe of how blind I was and how totally and completely aware he was, the whole time.

#8 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #43)

loveofmylife

Helldweller

Thinking of you today sweetie!!!!! HUGS... and hang in there. xxox

#9 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #38)

betty2020

I know your hurting

I know your hurting Helldweller but these thought of yourself being used, washed up and thrown away gotta stop hun. Your mind is playing a trick on you. None of what its saying is accurate to one degree. Your physically beautiful (saw your pic), very bright and have a wonderful life ahead. There is bigger plans for you Miss Helldweller. Your destiny has yet to be achieved. In time it will all be reviled and you are going to be presently surprised at the outcome! (sound like the psychic network, ugg), but its true. your destiny awaits. Dont slow or stop the process by nonsense crzy thinking. This is the aftermath of what you have been though. The leftovers of Narcissistic abuse. Dont feed it. Recovery is a process but it is one of action as well. Pick one thing you can do to better yourself for today. It doesnt have to be huge or life changing. It could be simple, like reconnecting with an old friend or making a new one. Anything that redirects the focus on you. Pick one thing and accomplish it today. make a running list of these things that you do. Add one thing to that list every day. You may not want to do it, or your mind may drift while you do, but take the action. baby steps,,,thats the only way to go forward. lots of love your way ....xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#10 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #40)

helldweller

betty2020

Thank you! I know you are right. I'm just so freaking tired! I'm going to start Pilates next week with my daughter's friend's mom, who just opened up a studio nearby. I am also going back to walking every morning, no matter how busy I am. I did that every day after I met the narc and was in great shape after a year, when the child came. Then WHAM! everything stopped because of the shock and me dropping everything to be there for him. My daughters and I are going to Las Vegas in two weeks for a book promotion thing. This is a great coup because the narc went twice a year for a week with his brothers and I was always jealous and angry about it. We are gonna have a blast! This is interesting. I don't mean to say that we should do things to "get back at" the narc, but if there are things they have or have done without us to hurt us, it actually does help to do those things ourselves. For example, the narc was going to teach my daughters to waterski on his boat, and after we were no longer invited, the foster child learned but not my girls, so I took them to a park district class and had them learn without him. The first Christmas the child came, the narc's brother bought him a Wii system and ten games, but got my daughters nothing, even though he was their "uncle" before. So finally, for my daughters' birthday earlier this month, when my mom and brother and her dad asked what she wanted, I said, please this once could you give her money? So we were able to buy her the standard Wii setup and that helped a little, too. Because she and the child used to play it all the time together until we weren't allowed over anymore. Also, I would be so hurt when he would have his family over to cook out in the back, and I would have to listen to them laughing and having fun, so inviting my family over to cook out kind of broke that spell, too. It's going to be great to be in Las Vegas. I'm sure he will find out from a neighbor or someone where I am, and he'll be pissed and jealous and wondering, just like I was (or maybe not), but that's not even the payback. The payback is enjoying life without him having to sanction any enjoyment I have.

#11 Aug 13 - 12PM (Reply to #42)

betty2020

I agree that it can be

I agree that it can be healing to complete the plans we once had without them. And , It shows that they are NOT the center of the universe and life really does go on without them! Very proud that your taking action. Its sounds like you have some great plans for the next few weeks and do your best to stay in the moment. Dont let those obtrusive thoughts distract you from the fun you are going to have, just be mindful of the moment and enjoy yourself. You deserve it! When you take your walks make sure it in the opposite direction of that Ass of a Narc you live by. You Dont need to stumble upon any triggers right now. Making any head way on the moving off the block? I really think this is going to be a huge step for you. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#12 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #41)

Aliveagain

Helldweller...have you

Helldweller...have you watched the I, psychopath documentary? If so do you remember the journalist talking about how he felt after what a few weeks with Sam Vakin? Take that and multiply by your story. ANYONE exposed to that kind of treatment is bound to feel the way you do...but its not accurate, its programming. I agree 100% with Betty, you are absolutely BEAUTIFUL! You are not washed up. He wants you to believe that because it gives him power - power he doesn't have of his own accord because he is a low life scumbag and needs to drain you of all your amazing qualities so he can feel like he has something to offer this world. X

#13 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #39)

betty2020

have you begun working on

have you begun working on your first of the 8 steps? only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#14 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #36)

ACgirl

I share and understand your pain helldweller

I share and understand your pain all to well. I felt so bad when you wrote about all you did for this Narc and he didn't appreciate it. When ever my Narc needed something to get handled, he knew that he could count on me, not the other bimbos he's cheated on me with. He wanted to buy a large boat. He said we would buy it together. It would be "our" love place. We shopped for it, I found it, I negociated for it, I helped him repair his credit, etc. Then two weeks later he decided that he was going to buy it all by himself because he felt he shouldn't buy something with me because my divorce wasn't final. He knew it wasn't final the whole time we spent trying to buy it. Oh, and by the way, I also named the boat. So now, all the other bimbos he screws around with have been on the boat with him taking little vacations, and I NEVER have. Even just recounting this story to you makes me cringe that I would ever have spoken to him again. I liked the words you used, that you are "in awe of how blind you were". I feel exactly the same way. My Grandfather used to say...."If you let people get away with BS at the beginning, they will always try to push you around later". I wish I would have remembered his words. We will get through this. We will be here for each other. Your life is not over. Let's have faith in that. xoxo ACgirl

#15 Aug 13 - 12PM (Reply to #37)

helldweller

ACGirl

OMG That sucks about the boat. He pulled that line on me with the foster kid. He told me he wanted to marry me and have babies; I went for a full fertility screening and made his appointment with the urologist for the same. A week later, he brought the kid home because "I didn't know if it was going to work out between us."

#16 Aug 13 - 10AM (Reply to #31)

Used

helldweller

dear helldweller, you sound pretty low, please remember everyone on this board is your friend and confidant, the pain you so feel is so evident in everything you write, he doesnt just pretent it didnt happen to him it didnt, i have a n woman friend, but now i know what she is i just talk to her now and then, my point is her husband died[exh] she divorced him, but you wouldnt know it[ thats a bit of a wake up call there. ive only just relized that, some people didnt even relized they were divorced] anyway when he died, she was nursing him throught it, i realy tried to help, she phoned day and night, for hours, and so on, a while ago she was talking about him, and saying, i came through that all on my own ,no help from anyone, i said no you werent alone, and was saying what about this and that i done, she said i dont remember any of that, when i began to get ratty, she said, i probley dont remember b/c i was grieving so much, oh ok then. selective memory is what they all have. i wish you well today and everyday as i know everyone here does lovexx

#17 Aug 13 - 10AM (Reply to #32)

helldweller

used

thank you for that. I do feel pretty low. It is just such a shock still, and I feel just awful when I look at my own daughters and they are wearing the same clothes from yesterday and need haircuts, and I just a lot of the time can't do what I need to for them because I'm so miserable. I hug them and love them and sit with them and play with them, and I know the narc doesn't do that for his child. But I needed someone to help me take the girls to the doctor, do their laundry, buy them clothes. He said he was going to do that. He said he was going to help me. It's so hard to realize that he never meant it. He was totally capable of it, but never wanted to do it for us. It's the same about the whole relationship itself. Before the child came and he would act like a bachelor I reasoned that "well, he can't commit. He's a bachelor." But then I realized, after the child came, that he CAN commit, but not to a woman. Not to me. I guess it's self esteem at the bottom of it all. But as someone else pointed out, who would WANT a person like this to commit to you?

#18 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #33)

Used

helldweller

he hasent realy commited to this child, think about it,the babysitter looks after him,and cuts his hair, whereevery he takes the child, its only to make him selflook good, even the fancy shopping, says to onlookers look wher i shop for this child. yeah right. he has not commited to this child, he is a little person he is using to make him self look good, if that child grow,s up with a mind of his own and opinions, that poor child will be history, ok your girls have may not have the fancy clothes and yes money is tight, but you are giving them a gift, n and child will never get or give.LOVE, thats what, you said about seeing his house, it sounded like a fucking mausaliam[wrong sprlling], yours kids live in a home, not a house, your kids get love, not used, that child has nothing, at the moment you are so hurt, you cant see the wood for the tree,s but you will, taking that child to bars all night, oh helldweller, nothing to envy there, nothing at all. lovexxand another thing he will never commit to any thing, just seeing the bottom of a bottle is his idea of commitment, dont you see that beign drunk and going to bar,s is to blot out the nothingness he feels all of the time, look a your and think what they have got, not what they havent, he broke all his promises, you have to try to come to terms with that is all he is about, my exh broke every promise he ever made to me, his kids everyone, that is what they do, dont let him break you, and as for what he said to your daughter, tell him to fuck off if there is a next time, in fact dont go near him or aknowledge him or his child, they are nothing to do with you, they dont exsist, so trat them as such. do to him what he has done to you and yours. ignore them.

#19 Aug 13 - 11AM (Reply to #34)

helldweller

used

Wow. What you just said: "Do to him what he has done to you and yours: ignore him." Yes, that's what he's done, isn't it? Just ignored us. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your taking the time to talk to me today. I guess my daughter's birthdays the past two weeks reallly brought home how much time I spent believing him, or rather how much time I wasted. No more. Much love!

#20 Aug 13 - 3PM (Reply to #35)

Used

helldweller

any time love, thats what i am and all on board are here for to help each other, and ive always belived do unto others as they do to you and your loved one,s. SO RIGHT BACK AT HIM LOL

#21 Aug 13 - 8AM (Reply to #29)

Used

acgirl

when you respond to his text,s, he stop,s, this is b/c they only want you when they havent got you, so feel they have lost their power over you, they must win at all cost,s,they only want who they have lost, the available one,s are no challange at all to them, thats what they live for, the chase, the challange, the winning, then the dumping. if you do text him again, tell him if he turn,s up at your house uninvited you will send for the police.

#22 Aug 13 - 1AM (Reply to #28)

loveofmylife

The Red Flags

ACGirl: We have all ignored the red flags. It is why the N/Ps are drawn to us in the first place. Because we are trusting, loyal people who believe in the best of people. And even when we see those inevitable "odd" things that pop up, we are so enamored with their charm and charisma and our love for them, that we let a few things go here and there (or some major things go here and there) and we keep hoping for the best and give them the benefit of the doubt (something they would never do for us). Did you read WWLP? I think you did...if not you need to get it....your guy is written about in this book. For those of us who are VERY trusting and believe in the good in people, it takes years to put together all of these wierd little pieces of the puzzle we have picked up over the years and finally put the puzzle together to see the very ugly picture of a predator who was using us (who never intended to love us forever and ever) and who has used many hundreds of other women in their lives in search of the "perfect love". (and the thing that is pissing me off the most right now is that my N is still so absolutely gorgeous and hot, that even at 50, there will probably still be hundreds more to come, and I am crossed off the list as I've gained a few pounds!) Just hard to accept the fact that even the psychopath is not attracted to me anymore! :) ughhh.... I too am haunted by the 20 years of incredible memories of incredibly close conversations and emotional connection. I've, unfortunately, shared the biggest part of my heart and soul for this man who really didn't care for me deep down (although he says he did) and also knowing that hundreds of other women have passed through his life, other emotional affairs, etc. He was my THE ONE, and apparantely I was his THE ONE OF A HUNDRED (so when he tells me I was incredibly special to him...he can also say that in all honesty to the other hundred. They are all very special!). Not very good odds. I struggled too with how to go NC. The hoovering started all over again 3 months ago, and it all seemed so nice again...like I was back in the idealization phase again.... but in the end, I felt like I couldn't trust him anymore...it was probaby fake (although I have nightmares every night that he was actually trying to reconcile and fix things and I blew it) and it was all done to get something from me, not becuase he cared. Mine ended in an ugly blowout. With yours, it is tough if you think he might come by... I would still say, just go NC...don't say anything and then if he shows up at your house, then request that he no longer contact you. period. ? I don't recommend the back away slowly thing. That is what I did probably 8 months ago and I think it just became intruiging to him that I was slipping away and so he came on stronger and found even more things for us to do together.

#23 Aug 12 - 9PM

anonymous

Maintain YOUR Dignity

AC, you wrote, "What is the best way to back out of this in a way that makes me retain whatever shred of dignity I may have left? Is there a way I can play the game back and keep him stringing? I want him to suffer." The only way to maintain your dignity is to institute NC and stick with it. And NC doesn't mean you don't contact him; it also means if he contacts you, YOU DON'T RESPOND. Ever. "And how will this maintain my dignity?" you ask? Look at it this way ... if he's anything like the rest of our Ns (and he sure sounds familiar), he probably refers to his past lovers and most any other females in his life as bitches, psychos, c#nts, or any other derogatory term. Do not kid yourself that you are not referred to in the same way. And do you really want to continue giving him the sick opportunity of referring to you as his "psychotic ex" in conversations with "the boys" because "she can't let me go. hee hee hee" And as far as make him suffer - believe me, I totally, totally understand. Some days I want so badly to call him and just scream. But the only thing that will accomplish is prove to him that you aren't strong enough to dump him. He DEVALUED you and DISCARDED you. Keep your dignity by not devaluing him (e.g. making him suffer). Instead - DELETE him. He's not worthy of you or your time. Period.

#24 Aug 12 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

loveofmylife

Morty

you are right on. We think we have such a special relationships with them and that they respect us so much that they would never demean us by calling us psychotic exes or whatever with their new supply. But they are manipulative, self centered people and will do whatever it takes to get the attention of their new supply and give a rats ass about us if we are no longer providing "adequate" supply. There is no concept of loyalty or respect in their minds. There is no concept of holding special those who were once very special and important to us. The past is the past even one day later and they treat us like trash. Just like you said above, even while in the midst of our relationship, he told new supply (who he had maybe had a total of 2 email exchanges with off of chemistry.com...all about "the woman" he works with that is "after him" and he was going to try to get away as quickly as possible "while retaining her dignity" and out of the same corner of his mouth was begging me to stay because he needed to financially. It is sick. I was appalled that mine was already betraying me like this behind my back to new supply on the same day that he was smiling at me and taking me out to lunch to plan our business future together. They have no shame and they have no loyalty. I read somewhere that the ones they owe the most gratitude to (like me who provided him employment three times in this crappy economy and he had just come back for the 4th time) are the ones they trash the most because they are "too special" to owe someone anything. It is almost a blow to their ego that they had to ask for help from someone and so therefore, they have to destroy us in the process. Nice, huh?

#25 Aug 13 - 10PM (Reply to #26)

anonymous

No, Not Nice but Sadly Typical

Love how they say it's the women who are after them. They're just innocent little lambs and we women are the predators. Yeah. Right.

#26 Aug 12 - 7PM

faithinthefuture

ACGirl

I was where you are 2 years ago. Had been D&D for the millionith time and NC not by choice for 6 months. I was in soo much pain those 6 months. I remember calling my mom now mind you I was 50 yrs old! and bawling my eyes out w/my heart breaking that I couldn't go on w/o him. I would never be able to let him go & move on! Even tho I will NEVER forget the pain or the desperation I felt that particular nite I now look at it w/disgust at myself. How f'n pathetic was i. I went to see a psychic. She told me I would have the love I wanted. I texted him that nite. He showed my txt to a mutual friend & said shit do I read it? RED FLAG!!! He txted me back & I called him crying my heart out to him about how much I loved him & wanted us together. I should never have made that call. He never once said he was sorry for hurting me. He continued to lie to me aboutwhat his relationship w/the W(whore)was like. He moved by me 6 months later after those months being pure hell w/his continued lies mind games manipulations. I can seriously tell you I cried my eyes out when he wasn't here w/me and then I cried my eyes out when he was. I was w/him on & off for 10 yrs. It NEVER goes back to those beautiful first days. NEVER! It gets worse! It honestly does. I have been NC since end of March. The feelings I have this time being w/o him are sooo different than 2 yrs ago. Hell yeah I hurt soo bad when I found he had cheated & lied again and the whole time he was living w/me was a total total lie! We all hurt and have disbelief but we all have THAT MOMENT that says NO MORE! I AM DONE WITH YOU! I NOW KNOW YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE! YOU ARE SELFISH HEARTLESS SOULESS! Every once in awhile that thought will come...maybe he now realizes he did love me and we can have that love. Only til the next D&D! let him go and find you! You deserve sooo much more. More true more loving more honest! this site is a Godsend! Bless All of Us!

#27 Aug 12 - 4PM

loveofmylife

AC Girl

I've been wondering about you. So sorry to hear you are still struggling. All of the other posts are so great here - there is not much else for me to add....other than to say that my N came back on strong about 3 months ago, started a major luring process and it ended very, very badly about 1 month ago. Very ugly ending. And just like you, the part I hate most is that I don't feel I ended things in a very dignified way at all and probably just provided him tons of fodder/gossip to use with new supply. I'll be the new obsessed woman story that he has tons of fun talking about to try to lure up new supply. (it makes me sick to think they operate this way. there are no loyalties, and no relationships are held precious to them) Don't be that woman...just walk away and put it behind you. I would love to talk with you, cause I think we are at the same point and I think our Ns were very similar with the tons of bimbos on the side, while we are a different breed than that. And it is super, super confusing to understand that. Because it is all just supply to them. So feel free to get my contact info from Betty and we can chat if you would like. I was thinking about your situation alot when I wrote this post, cause I know that you really struggled with these other Barbies and didn't get it. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/07/30/barbies-and-boundariesâ„¢ xoxoxo

#28 Aug 12 - 4PM

sparky2009

There is no way for a

There is no way for a relationship to end with these people other than badly ... I look at my ex's past and all of his break-ups were terrible. It is a common thing with them I think .

#29 Aug 12 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

imabloke

You're right...

It always ends badly.. and it seems THEY end it from what i can gather.. My now ex had three big relationships, involving kids.. etc.. all ended badly! And so it will be with the next one...

#30 Aug 12 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

wholeagain

Well

Actually when you're dealing with an N, it ends badly no matter who's doing the ending. The D & D is clearly awful, and when you open your eyes and decide you've had enough and leave them, it's awful in a different way. I too feel like I ended things badly, and it doesn't help that an N will grab on to any place they feel they can get their hooks in and make it even worse. The guilt I've felt over leaving has been incredible, despite the fact that he did some really bad sh*t which resulted in my ending it. And in his mind I think he really believes he's an innocent victim of my horrible-ness. Professes to be clueless as to why I left...no fault of his certainly. RIGHT!

#31 Aug 12 - 9PM (Reply to #20)

betty2020

They begin to end it when

They begin to end it when the devaluing starts. Well before the physical break happens. Its already set in motion. They may toy with you and keep you hanging till they secure that next supply but they already got one foot out the door. They are emotionally completely detached. My exN wanted me to be the one to give him the final push. So i gave into him for the last time and gave him his wish. Good Riddance. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

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