Why can't they be pleased? (Just Curious)

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#1 Mar 22 - 5PM

lesd

Why can't they be pleased? (Just Curious)

I am just curious as to why Narcissists can't be pleased. I had an incident today with my N husband. He went off on me again. He loses his stuff all the time and blames it on me or the kids. He needed a piece of workout equipment again and claimed he saw our autistic son playing with it. Since I stay at home, I see everything, and I'm positive my son was not playing with this piece of equipment. Normally, he blames the kids when he loses something, and then he'll find it in his car or someplace else he left it.

Anyway, he took it as an opportunity to go off on me and tell me how I don't do anything for him (I practically do everything but wipe his ass when he sh**s) and how I don't give a damn about him, and he was going to find someone else who actually cares.

Two weeks ago he told me that if I just put his uniform together before work and made sure the kitchen was clean at night he would be happy. According to him 2 weeks ago, that's ALL I needed to do. Not to mention I do the laundry, clean the house, take care of the kids, etc. etc. etc. So that is not all I do for him. I do A LOT more.

Now he wants me to make his breakfast and lunch for him before he goes to work even though 2 weeks ago he told me he do that himself, no problem. I said to him, "After I start making all your breakfasts and lunches before work, what else will you pick to make me wrong? It's never enough. You're impossible!!!" First all he needs is this. Then he needs that. Then he needs something else. It never ends and he always comes back to you don't do anything for me. You suck.

He then told me that I was a frigid bitch and that I sucked in bed. This is because he only tries to have sex with me at 3:00 in the morning. And since women hit on him all the time because he's a cop, he's going to take adavantage of "all the p***y out there" to quote him exactly.

No matter what I do for this man it's never enough. So, I ask again, what is the psychology behing this "you can never please me no matter what I ask you to do" mentally? Thanks for your insight.

#2 Mar 23 - 4PM

AnotherPath

He's got you in the

He's got you in the "devalue" stage and it doesn't get any better, believe it or not it will get worse. I did everything for my exN for such a long time and totally lost who I was. The devaluing stage went on for about 6 years and looking back was horrendous. At the time I didn't even know how bad it was, I was so lost off in numb land. I'd completely changed into a compliant fearfull slave who attended to all his needs and thought about what he needed. YUK don't even know how I got there, oh yeah brainwashing!!. Start planning your exit now, because either he could become really violent or just leave you anyway after a load of more derogatory behaviour towards you which will eat into any little self esteem you have left. Your kids will thank you for leaving, as it's too unhealthy for them to be seeing this in my opinion.

Ending the dance

#3 Mar 23 - 4PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

loan sharks.........

they're emotional loan sharks..anything they 'give' you, from a smile to dinner out, has a high price and even higher interest...the interest keeps accruing...and you can never pay it back....that's why they can never be satisfied...because in their minds we owe them a debt.. with interest that is compounded by the nano second.......

#4 Mar 23 - 6PM (Reply to #11)

wallaby (not verified)

Great Image NarcNarc

It's going in the N image bank.

#5 Mar 23 - 10PM

Barbara (not verified)

lesd

you need to be in touch with this organization: http://www.abuseofpower.info/ you sound very resigned - that is B.S. start networking and see if you can get supervised visitation and get rid of him soon. You're asking for validation and tactics that don't exist... he's not human - get out ASAP I know you think I don't understand but I do. You want to please him so he calms down and you can go... but Narcs have BACKWARDS & UPSIDE DOWN REACTIONS to things. So you try to placate him - he'll rage; you try NOT to placate him - he'll rage... either way you're screwed. And it's NOT your fault. You need to make plans NOW. There will NEVER be a "safe" time. Ever. Get out asap. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#6 Mar 23 - 7AM

lesd

Where I'm at

Trust me, I am not staying right now to make this relationship work. I know he will never change and I know it won't work. I'm in a transition period right now, and I am trying to keep my sanity while doing so. I've started online journaling, been slowing putting away money and I've been to a therapist that specializes in domestic violence. You have to understand that I have 3 small children under the age of 8, with one having autism. I don't have any proof of his abuse because I was always too terrified of calling the cops since they are all friends with him. And I was terrified of retaliation. And the other truth is, is that I know he will get some type of visitation, and I am terrified of leaving my children alone with him. When they get a little older they may be able to handle him, but not right now. I have to be there to intervene when he rages. If they were with him on a visitation and one of the kids (especially my autistic son) lost something of his, I can't imagine what he would psychologically, or maybe even physically, to do them. I can't allow that. Not now. I can't leave my children in a bear's cave without me being there to jump in between him and the kids when he's on the attact. They are too tender hearted to take what he dishes out to me. I can take it, and I will have to because it was my decision to marry him (unfortunately). You see, I was a complete mess when I married this man 10 years ago, and just in the last 2 years I woke up to what he really is. Now I have to take responsibility for what I did and do my best to protect my children. Trust me, staying for now will protect my children the best. He works a ton and is away from the house a lot. He rages in between his jobs and then goes away. I rarely ever let him babysit the kids, because it would be a disaster. His own daughter (my step-daughter) even likes it when he's not home. Now that she's becoming an individual he's been going off on her. Because she's not like him, he calls her a loser, a slacker, lazy, unmotivated, etc. etc. She's only 15 years old. I hope you can understand my predicament and help me to get through this transition period. Believe me, I am not staying forever. Just until I know it's safe and can leave with some financial help. Thank you again for your support and advice. It will help me stay sane during this time. ************** I tell you how I feel, but you don't care. I say, "Tell me the truth," but you don't dare. You say love is a hell you cannot bear. And I say, "Give me mine back and then go there for all I care!" - Fiona Apple (Sleep to Dream)

**************
I tell you how I feel, but you don't care. I say, "Tell me the truth," but you don't dare. You say love is a hell you cannot bear. And I say, "Give me mine back and then go there for all I care!" - Fiona Apple (Sleep to Dream)

#7 Mar 23 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

AnotherPath

Staying with him will cause

Staying with him will cause your children far more harm. There are many women who have written here stating that they stayed for the children only to find the children either turn against them as they become like the abuser or they have no respect for the mother for not leaving. You need to get out ASAP for the sake of the children. If he gets visitation (like mine who has a conviction) if he does anything abusive you will find out, take them to social services, get reports, go to court and that will be the end of it. What message are your children getting by staying? That's it's ok to abuse, that it's ok being a child living in fear of an abusive parent. Being an ACON I can't tell you how much witnessing abuse as a child has affected me, that's also why I've ended up in hospital and on this site. Rescue your children.

Ending the dance

#8 Mar 23 - 5AM

Healingnow

Lesd

Hi, Is this the example of brainwashing here, yet you sound like you see what is going on. My exN would never have said any of that to me. I wish he did so the signs were obvious. Maybe we weren't together long enough and he wasn't revealing all yet. My God a cop........that sounds dangerous to me. If he ever decided to turn you'd know it, I mean if he felt threatened. If I were you i'd fake dead so he goes sniffing elsewhere. After he's knawed at your carcass for a while!

#9 Mar 23 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

rache

Healingnow

You are right- on there girl-friend with it being DANGEROUS! There was a cop in Good ol ky (wont give the town)-friends in office/stick together-etc,well,he has this wife(kids involved)-him seeing another woman([probably more than one)but,one was mentioned,and,He didn't want to get a divorce,as,child support was OUT of the QUESTION! HOW dare he have to give the wife ANY of HIS money.So,whats his logical plan and what did he do?He killed her A**.This was a few years ago. This guy Lesd is involved with has VOICED his CONTEMPT of her.EVEN my PSYCHO wouldnt say that sh.t to my face,and,there is a possible life insurance policy on my a**,and,my psycho has possibly offed others.NOT caught up yet.Lesd is in a VERY DANGEROUS place!

#10 Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

never a SAFE time or SAFE window

if lesd is waiting for a "safe window" it will never come... she needs to get with a DV advocate or someone from that Abuse of Power site and get a plan to get out and HIDE OUT! while the divorce happens... more: http://behindthebluewall.blogspot.com/ ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#11 Mar 22 - 9PM

rache

Lesd

IF,you choose to stay with this man-just know HE will NEVER change.QUIT trying to figure him out and bend over and take it.YOU are asking for it.

#12 Mar 22 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

rache

FYI

IF my man said that directly to my face i would have got his night stick and shoved it up his unsuspecting A** when he was on his belly sleeping.MY ex psycho done most of his Sh.T behind my back and gas-lighted/projected/lied like a mfker.YOURS and the smack he said to your face would have resulted in psycho and me seeing WHO was crazier.Being raised by narcissists/psycho's resulted in me reacting like one(working on myself in therapy).....PS:I would like to add,that,i do not think like one.OR,have a personality disorder per se.But,PTSD does strange things to people.Its called survival..

#13 Mar 22 - 7PM

Barbara (not verified)

lesd

WHY are you still with him? WHY are you listening to anything he says? WHY are you tolerating it? Are you in therapy? Have you seen a divorce attorney? (TOMORROW would be a good time) Here's WHY: http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/AlwaysAndNeverStatements.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Blaming.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/ChaosManufacture.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/DomesticTheft.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/FalseAccusations.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Harassment.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Isolation.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/MoodSwings.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Projection.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Raging.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Scapegoating.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Shaming.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/ThoughtPolicing.html http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Threats.html Why are you even entertaining this sick predator's b.s.? Why are you bothering? Have you bothered to read the WHOLE blog here? or go through the WHOLE message board and read what catches your eye? Or have you decided to go into willful denial about this animal and deny what's right in front of your nose? For you and your children - GET OUT before you end up disabled or dead. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

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