Why do narcs do good?

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#1 Jun 19 - 7AM

adoette

Why do narcs do good?

Why do you think narcs do good?

My N was lauded as a tireless community worker and housing advocate.

Other NARCs mentioned on this site are foster parents, mentors, school counselors, special ed teachers, charity givers and promoters, coaches, cub masters, PTO presidents, lawyers fighting for the underdog.

beamoflight gave this explanation:

"Funny part is-- deep inside I think he helps so many people in bad spots because he wants to be good, just can't figure out how."

Why do you think Ns do good?

#2 Jun 21 - 4AM

JMi

My N doesn't do anything

My N doesn't do anything particularly charitable But he always liked to make grand gestures to obtain a 'hero' like image If it wasn't too much trouble that was - simple things like gentleman-ly behaviour and charm in everyday life for example make everyone who isn't too close to him think he's such a nice guy I remember our puppy got knocked over and killed and the N came round to the house and put flowers on the road and buried a little plant by the roadside - we all thought he was sooooo cute and in touch with his feelings but now i see it was more a show for whoever he wanted to impress at the time I now look at other experiences such as my Dad being diagnosed with cancer and him D&Ding me weeks after we found out coz he couldn't handle me needing him and being clingy - my hero Or the fact his wonderful Nana lives in a care home which he has visited twice in 4 years - i'm sure that now he has a new GF to impress he may suddenly spring into action on this one! What annoys me is that even though our situation is so ridiculous and public knowledge - everyone still thinks he is this nice guy!!!!! WTF!

#3 Jun 20 - 9PM

Gravity

Adoette

I actually JUST kind posted about this. i met my ex-psychopath at an afterschool program/daycare at a charity. He worked in the classroom with the youngest kids.. kindergarteners and first-graders. He has met just about all of his victims at this charity. It is because nice caring women are drawn to that place of work and he comes off as the perfect guy - great with kids, patient, understanding, ect. He is secretly a complete and utter wack job. My aunts ex-husband psycho was a nurse at her job as well. "Funny part is-- deep inside I think he helps so many people in bad spots because he wants to be good, just can't figure out how."

#4 Jun 20 - 8PM

Puzzle

Good question adoette. Mine

Good question adoette. Mine does not have a charitable bone in his body. I think he does it to appear sensitive and pull chicks. Also, a lot of these men are successful in these areas as they are not easily drained and things don't bother them. They are able to let everything go, do their job and not get emotionally involved like any normal person would. A lot of people can't perform in these jobs because they can't understand or comprehend the awful things that happen to others. My Narc put it like this once "that's life, shit happens."

#5 Jun 20 - 6AM

dolphingirl

stole from habitat for humanity-

They do it to because they can feed off of those who they appear to give to, it is a way to gain narcissitc supply with no emotional exchange. It gives them a sense of entitlement and power. My ex- Narc worked for habitat for humanity and got caught stealing from them. He never did anything for anyone without something in it for him. He stole air conditioners and ladders, they caught him and told him to never come back. He went on to work for other non-profits and did the same thing. Always took more than he gave. Seemed to be generous with money also, but it was always a way for him to gain power over someone.

#6 Jun 20 - 3AM

jackguy

To get supply

Narcs do good to get supply, to bolster their false self, to place themselves in a position where they are entitled to devalue others because of their supposed moral superiority. They also like being in the position of 'helper' as they feel it places them in control - if you ask a narc to help someone in something where they really have to put their own feelings aside, allow themselves to be used to nurture another etc they will never do it. If you look closely you will see that there is never real self-sacrifice there - it will all swing back round to supply.

#7 Jun 20 - 2AM

indenial

it is all about looking good

Mine had no personality so he needed to do big grand gestures or was over generous with money to make people think wow he's great. What the stupid fool didn't realise was that because of this he was open to being used and abused which he was by 2 women when I met him. I told him this too but I don't really think he sees it and to be fair he was so busy getting what he wanted from it that he was blind to what a fool he was making of himself. These fools are open to being taken. For a ride when they see someone as good potential supply or who is good supply. It doeant last because he will turn eventually but I've seen it happen to him and I think it will happen again. They only do good for heir own ends. Mine has done lots of good for me when it suited him. When it didn't he couldn't be seen for dust. SicK individuals.

#8 Jun 19 - 11PM

michele115 (not verified)

It's all part of image...

If they went around rotten towards the entire community the general public would catch on. The allure is in the sneakiness of it all... How can they badmouth you later after they've done you in if they haven't established a rep...? This is textbook.

#9 Jun 19 - 10PM

Steph

I think they DO good.....in

I think they DO good.....in order to LOOK good. It`s not sincere.

#10 Jun 19 - 5PM

Susan32

It's all for show

After the final D&D, the ex-Psych prof bluntly said, "I'm a teacher. It's how I make money." For some reason, I can't imagine Annie Sullivan or Jaime "Stand and Deliver" Escalante saying that. Gee, no inspiring words about being a role model to your students or sharing in philosophical dialogues with them? The ex-P's reputation in the eyes of his colleagues went down the drain because of the way he treated me, especially the public ugliness of the final D&D. The raging&endless lecturing didn't endear him to them at all. Some Ns/Ps have colleagues supporting them, because they're good to their colleagues (not their intimate partners)--but the ex-P was lousy even to them. Believe me, I've slipped up mentioning the ex-P when speaking to former professors of mine... but they maintain NC (should they be honorary members of this site?) and do NOT speak of him. He lost his colleagues' respect. It turns out his colleagues had been on my side the whole time. He'd say that he was a professor because his father is a professor, not out of his love for philosophy or teaching. I've never seen someone so blase or indifferent about their own profession. When I was excited about having worked at Taco Bell, he didn't get it. His students regarded him as a pompous bore... and so did his colleagues.

#11 Jun 19 - 8AM

Gerri

Yup

My ex actually gave up work to work for a Charity - It was purely because the charity is connected with Glastonbury Festival - UK. He's in it for the status. Last year we were swapping back stage passes for charity donations and I actually heard him say - let's keep some of the money. This was just before he spotted a guy who was out of it - he left his bag. My ex took the bag round the corner, raked through it and took an Ipod out of it. I was also collecting money in a cancer box on the side - I came in one day and the cancer box had gone. He'd taken all of the pennies out of it, thrown the box away and said that some of the coppers that I had put into it were his from the table, so he was taking them back. What a complete tosser! xx

#12 Jun 19 - 8AM

Hunter

Adoette

its not about doing good, Its about the supply they receive for doing the good deed. also All the positions you mentioned are positions of Control. Hunter

#13 Jun 19 - 8AM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

It's all about image

It's just another way for them to get more attention, adulation, admiration and applause. It provides primary NS to have so many "fans" think so highly of them. This is still all about them and not really about helping others, because they don't CARE about others. They care about themselves, first, foremost and always. But they want to be seen as caring individuals by others and they want to believe that they are good guys, but it's all part of their false persona. If they acted like the true heartless, soulless, jerks that they REALLY are, all of the time, they would be outcast from society. And remember, it's also about power, control and manipulating others. If a psychopath can get people to like him, he can get them to do anything.

#14 Jun 19 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

OnlyChild49 (not verified)

Good Guys!

The line in your post "they want to believe that they are good guys" caught my eye. Do you know how many times the N said - I really am a nice/good guy??? Ugh!! And he was very sincere. I've felt if a person is good, they don't need to tell others - others will know it. I got so sick of hearing it!! I suspect he was trying to convince himself. BTW, this was in front of me - no audience.

#15 Jun 20 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Same with mine

He would say "I'm the sweetest, nicest guy you'll ever meet." After the big D&D where he brutally slaughtered me emotionally with pictures of him and the new OW kissing, plastered all over FB at a party, he said, "I'm really not the monster you think I am. Just because I wasn't a nice guy with you, doesn't mean I'm not a nice guy."

#16 Jun 19 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

heritage

I agree Smitten

Ex N for the firstg 2 years of relationship bought me everything in sight while I was working for a friend of his. He wanted to look like a great guy in their eyes. Then he wanted me to quit and said he's take care of me because he wanted to spend more time with me. Well when I quit he stopped buying me things and never took care of me. It was alll an image thing. He loans his friends tons of money and he owns 2 timeshares and just let them use one for a week. he's a dentist and he doeds people's tgeeth for free in return for them giving him favors. It's all a dirty handshake. All his friends are ffriends are benefits. They are aquiantances, not friends. he knew I was on to him. He made me sick. He's a phony. He tretaed me so badly and wouldn't take me to things we were invited to because he acts differfent around other people and there he is treating me like dirt in private. I use to look at old pics of him and his ex and he had his phony grin and she looked miserable and now I kno0w why. I became that same woman. At his surprise 50th he spoke to me once. It was horrible. I felt like I didn't matter. But bou did he work the crowd that nigh. 50 people all there for him. He was in his glory. Drove home in silence. I remember hating him that night. I told him the next day but he didn't care. He charmed everyone there and that was his purpose. Ah!

#17 Jun 19 - 8AM

Littleone

I think that it's all about

I think that it's all about image. They want to be SEEN from others to be a good person. Because they know they are not.

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