Yeah, I saw that with the ex-Psych professor. It wasn't enough that I wished him and the OW a happy married life together (in my freshman year, he basically condemned marriage,and said that if he got married&had kids, he'd do it as a duty, then "move on" to search for God&Truth) Ohhh, he raged.
"He wants to move on from our latest crisis"-The ex-P was the SAME WAY. I'd tell him I REFUSED to move on until he gave me an apology (even a fake one would've been fine,heck,he could've gotten more NS from moi) I told him repeatedly, "I'm hurt" and he DID NOT CARE. He'd say "move on" and "will you drop the subject?" But this time I was the one torturing him.
"They exploit GOOD people into feeling worthless if that person doesn't give them what they want"-Believe me, there are times I wish I could exploit him to give him what I WANT... a genuine apology. What he did to me emotionally was sick. The fact that he's a damaged person and will never enjoy true happiness doesn't mean I wouldn't want to use the emotional equivalent to enhanced interrogations... The fact that he's down makes me want to kick him more.
It's too bad he's not on Rate My Professor being outed as an emotional abuser... but that would give him attention, which is what he would crave. He'd even like the negative feedback.
'Seem to work' is the point here. things only SEEM to work out for them when in reality the cycle just starts over again for them. It must be one hell of a way to live, to not be able to learn and grow emotionally through experience.
They must succeed on a superficial level in order to gain supply. But it is an act, and as we all know, while they can fool many, they cannot fool all. This act of theirs is totally exhausting for them. The thrill is superficial and does not last, therefore they must be endlessly seeking that supply.
So while we look like we have lost everything, and they walk away scott free, in reality they are free of nothing, because they will never ever be free of their false self.
Their seemingly free, happy appearance is the same as everything else about them. It is FAKE. So while you feel frustrated and angry that he is just cruising along and is happy, he is not. He is on that endless quest that he will never find. The difference is...we can, for the very reason that we experienced that hell. We can turn back to the one that truly needs us....ourselves. An N will never have that ability.
All I can say is Ground Hog Day. We look for resolution and closure that we never get. They look for love that they can never feel but everyday they get up and try again. All the while they are so pissed off and envious of us because we can feel love.
I know your pain.. I worked with mine (I got him the job) and at first it was all peachy. Then the D&D and he took up with another girl at our firm. It was humilating and especially so becuase she was not attractive. Not only did it hurt me beyond belief it embarassed me. All I can say is that was 15 years ago and I did go on to marry a wonderful man. When I reconnected with my N on FB (I didnt know anything about narcissim) I could tell it bothered him to see me living a normal healthy life. He very good looking was still unmarried (we are both now 43) It bothered him so much he needed to take me down again. Geez I dont even know how I got to this awful place Im in again. How could I have gotten so sucked in? I think becuase I had no resolution from the first go round. I think all these years I have been looking for some validation from this man that I mattered. In a way I think I did matter to him but not on a truly deep level.
they don't always win... for example my 'N'? ~ he's totaled both forms of trasportation he owns, in less than a week, less than 4 weeks after I left) ~ he's called upon his "estranged" family to suck life out of (his backup NS)... ~~Trust me, (and I see this now where I didn't see before why they were so relieved that I was in his life ;) ~~ they will tire soon...
doesn't seem like he's winning now...
I couldn't imagine working side by side with my 'N" (Note: he's not mine anymore!) bad enough to live in the same town.
I hug you tonight because I don't know what else to say or do.
With sincereity,
iAmMINE
~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~
~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.
because she realizes what a freak he is, or he dumps her, OR even worse, they get married and two years later he cheats, beats, or in some other way destroys her...
same for the work thing. you know its true.
is exactly right. My xNH is a member of a private social club. Yet he lives in the home another 40+ guy, has no investments, 401K, savings, over $100k in credit card debt, about to lose his car lease. What a winner
It IS always "gimme gimme"
'Seem to work' is the point
Nevergoback
Yep
So sorry u hurt
~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~
~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.
only until she dumps him
Seems...