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will showing my therapists XN's emails help any

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#1 Oct 21 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

will showing my therapists XN's emails help any

I have therapy tomorrow...and dont know if i should bring in the emails that I posted earlier this week or not. At the start of our sessions the therapist said he didnt think that they were necessary to see, but if I thought they would make a difference then I could bring in anything I wanted.

I feel like lately we have been talking about other issues in my life other than XN...I dont know if that is the normal course of therapy or not. I dont feel as stuck as I once did, but I know i am far from over the narc. Somedays are good..like today , but others are difficult to not pick up the phone and call him...and i still wonder why he hasnt called me.

Maybe, Im still looking for validation...I dont know.

Anyone have any thoughts?

Oct 22 - 12PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

I would think that, as you

I would think that, as you are paying for the sessions, you should bring whatever you want. I was a social worker and I don't think your therapist should have any attitudinal input into your needs and you should not feel you have to follow some path he is laying out for you. Therapy is all about you, where you are, where you want to be in a year, what growth is occuring, there is no model and as this is your life your therapist is there to aide you in getting where you want to go. think about it like a taxi. You are paying for transportation to your destination. the cab driver probably knows a lot of short cuts but you are calling the shots not the driver. If you have been hurt by a narcissist you have suffered a real devastation and it is not a quick process to come out of that. You have to heal at your own pace and from your own realizations. Don't let anyone tell you how to live- you are out of the relationship, using therapy to guide you, and it sounds like you are doing the right things for yourself. there are many therapists in the world if you have any discomfort with this one find another one. Maybe a female therapist would have some different insight into this type of problem.
Oct 22 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Carolyn- that is an

Thanks Carolyn- that is an excellent analogy about the taxi ride...that makes perfect sense. The problem with me is I also have a chornic illness on top of dealing with the Narc breakup. So, today's session was focused on my health again.....I do come out of these sessions feeling more empowered about myhealth....however, in the back of my mind I think...well what about the narc issue. I worry that not discussing it in therapy is just kind of hiding it...and am I not going to be prepared when another one comes knocking....or am I going to have a weak moment and contact the narc. And the flip side of that is Narc was my main support for this chornic condition listening to me....so having my therapist talk about my health is a bit comforting. I didnt talk about narc at all today. another crazy thing that weighs on me is Narc was friends with this therapist...met her online and she was the one that told me of his OW...but MONTHS after the fact and then encouranged me to give it another try with him 'saying I would hate for you to pass up this 2nd chance you too have...he says he really loves you and i feel you can trust him' I thought as a therapist she would know that he is a Narc...after all she was the one to tell me she felt his mind wasnt right. So, my view on therapists is a bit tainted...especially after I contacted her after narc D&D me and she then told me to walk away NOW. I guess I do have to find my own path. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Oct 22 - 6AM
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

Therapy

I took emails and phone records into my therapist. She couldnt diagnose him but it helped her understand him more so she could help me. She said once I started down the road to recovery she would teach me ways to deal with him. Not mean and cruel ways, but ways that would allow me to handle him and his moods. I would take them. The therapist should mainly want to focus on you and your recovery. Its going to be what will help you recover and get thru this not to figure him out.
Oct 22 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks everyone. I printed

Thanks everyone. I printed them out an Im going to take them....sheesh one is two full pages long. I dont know how he had time to compose such a thing!! The last two sessions havent been about XN at all...more about other things going on in my life...it was helpful...but I still struggle with things regarding XN. Last nite i had a dream about him...that he was talking to a man saying things werent working out with the new OW...and how it was better with me. ugh. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Oct 21 - 11PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

I took my Narc's e-mails and

I took my Narc's e-mails and some other stuff. I think it saved a lot of time describing him.
Oct 21 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

destiny

take a copy of WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ask him to please read it if he doesn't - GET A NEW THERAPIST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 21 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Barbara- I havent

Thanks Barbara- I havent read that one yet..maybe I should. so, you dont think the emails would help? “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Oct 21 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes

yes partly they will help but get the book https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=85733&c=cart&aff=21165&ejc=2&cl=4660 and read it and give it to him ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.