Worst fear....I think narcs ARE happy

When he publicly torments students? When he cruelly flaunts his girlfriend in front of someone who's grieving? When he wants to pretend that his girlfriend doesn't exist? When he badmouths his students and colleagues? When he refers to children as "snot-nosed urchins" and calls animals "dumb"? When he bears false witness against his students? When he keeps his engagement&a marriage "private",as if it were something to be ashamed of? When he doesn't acknowledge his own children, but has his parents raise them? I don't think so. The ex-Psych prof can lecture about happiness all he likes (it's a free country), but don't expect me to take him at his word. I remember my freshman year when the ex-P lectured about Augustine&Wittgenstein, his (in)famous sentence was,"Augustine is happy and Wittgenstein is unhappy." It provoked many LULZ because it was said so robotically. He wasn't happy about being a teacher (congratulations on tenure!) He wasn't happy about marriage (congratulations on a decade anniversary!) He couldn't stand kids (how did you celebrate Father's Day?) No wonder he always accused me of being passive-aggressive when I wished him well. Perhaps I am (not that I'd care)

The narcissist spends his life running away from the painful truth about himself. His whole life is a confabulation. Deep down inside himself the narcissist IS tormented. He represses his misery within his sub-conscious in order to survive (by avoiding painful thoughts that would lead him to depression & suicide). This is the reason why he must live in a fantasy world and why it is vital to him to force others to entertain this self-created fabrication that he thinks of as his life. It is also the reason that he depends on others. Narcissistic supply is the drug that takes away his pain. The narcissist has limited ability to feel emotion like the rest of us do and therefore, is not capable of ever feeling the emotion that we call happiness. When he obtains a big dose of narcissistic supply (e.g. at the beginning of a new relationship with a beautiful woman who adores him which, he believes, makes other men jelous of him) he may appear to be happy, but what he is really experiencing is a "high". As with all addicts, the "high" does not last long and repeated exposure to the same source does not obtain the same high which compells him to go in search of a new source. This is the difference between the true happiness that the rest of us experience (which continues with repeated exposure to the source of our happiness) and the occasional "highs" that the narcissist experiences. When experiencing a "high", he may well tell people that he feels "happy". After all, he has never experienced what we call "happiness", so that is all he knows. But the fact is that true happiness is a pleasure that the narcissist will never experience.

They are not happy . In order for a narc to be happy as we understand the feeling they would have to have the full range of emotions , which , as we keep saying over and over they dont possess . For exsample , How do we know we are happy ? we know we are happy because we have been sad before so we have a comparison .. Do you see ? A narc has very little emotion , the range that we have, say at 100 %, they have about 5% which is mostly made up of anger fear and the primal emotions . So forget any idea of a narc feeling happy for them that is a feeling they cant feel and if they feel ok with the world it is no way near how we would understand the feeling . xx

mine is happy when he is self-medicated on pot, hearing from with his "boys", getting attention from media, getting attention from fans, getting attention from strange women. he is not happy when alone, when in a committed relationship, when asked to do something for a GF. he loves to do helpful things for his guy friends and family though he did not raise any of his children and barely paid child support after earning millions. After about 5 or 6 years he started to do helpful things for me too begrudgingly... but I am sorry to say he IS happy when all that external stuff if coming his way and he is high - he lives for this and after 14 years of sitting on his butt, he is now getting fan attention again and is off to the moon (remember the "see I am back photos with the bar hooker looking lady..." - that was to impress the old guys he can still catch - so pathetic)

I promise you that he IS NOT happy. How could he be happy?? He lives a life of lies and deceit. You've gotta remember that Narcs are all about APPEARANCE! They want everyone to think they have the greatest life and the greatest material things and that they are blissfully happy. It's all a front of misery. I've watched mine long enough to know that he acts one way but thinks another. I know you are in a tough spot right now but I promise you that he IS NOT happy. Try not to focus on that or it will drive you crazy. Try to remember that they don't know HOW to be happy. Hugs! Sara

Just quickly- why do you think he messaged you asking where you would be out so there's no surprises? He did this so he could purposely have you see him ACTING over-the-top happy with his new fling... to PURPOSELY hurt you and gain the upper hand. It's so funny that I can see it as clear as day with your situation, yet over the weekend I did what I didn't want to do and moved back in with him (was only moved out for a week) and just over the weekend, he has told people I got kicked out, I changed his password on his FB so he has to get a new one (even though he just forgot it), told his mum on the phone that we were out all weekend on drugs and made me out to be the biggest culprit, didn't go to work today because he was too tired (after he slept most of yesterday) and told me he lost his job because of it and blamed ME because I MADE him go out on Saturday night- when in actual fact, I said let's stay in and he told me to go out... kicked my puppy off the bed this morning, spat at me, swore at me and told me to move back out- all because I woke him when his alarm went off but he went back to sleep, and when I got up tried to get him up for work, and told him he should go even if he's a couple of hours late! I feel stupid for believing that he could change when in only a couple of days has proved me wrong! I am now standing back, looking in on this relationship as if I am an outsider, writing everything down, and his actions are now just confirming all of my thoughts- soon enough I will leave but this time it will be for GOOD and i will listen to the advice given on this website and it will be NO CONTACT!!!! That was where I stuffed up! You girl, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're upset... so what, you had a moment of weakness and acted like a real person- he thinks he has won... you now need to find that ANGER and get him out of your life and then YOU will be the WINNER!! My heart goes out to you xxx

I couldn't care less if he lives in a permanent state of bliss. It's the bliss of someone who is DAMAGED. Who has no real understanding of the awful person they are because if they ever start to accept that, they would die inside.

Sweetheart OMG look at what you just wrote: "Next DAY........sent me a text, asking where i would be out......." so that there would not be any surprises and bump into each other". That is NOT happy - that is fucking SICK SICK SICK!!! Please don't go down this road. Don't spiral downwards today over this bullshit...they are miserable, depressive, compulsive, self-loathing, SICKOS! They would not know joy if it slapped them in the face. He is a restless, anxious sicko to do what he has just done. He will do it to her also if he already has not. You must NOT SEE HIM AGAIN. Look how sick this has made you and look how it has not only not gotten you any closure, but you have been made ill by his pathetic antics.

I do not care if he paints the town yellow with the new woman, they are still the most miserable creatures on the face of the earth, a snake is happier.They are all phony, fake creatures putting on false masks to puff up their pathetic low self esteems, look at it this way When Halloween comes along, you can put on a mask and take it off the next day, their mask is permanently on until the day comes and the monster is revealed. Not a chance at happiness for them, not a chance,

It is all a facade, it really is. A narc's happiness is not real any more than their love is. Their emotions are shallow - for them happiness is fleeting, just as everything else is... what they want, who they want, what they do... they bore easily and often and change their minds as frequently as a babies diaper. (and they're full of shit too!) I know the pain you're in right now. It is so confusing and tormenting that he's seeing someone else, yet keeps you lured into the fantasy of HIM and you don't know from day to day WHAT he really wants or really feels. My exN told me he couldn't imagine being with anyone else and then left a few months later and I found out after he'd hooked up with OW pretty much immediately (I suspect there was an overlap but short of asking her I can't prove). Not knowing then he is a narc, I thought SHE must be so much better than I and that he must be so happy with her to have discarded me the way he did (they also took a wonderful trip together early on). But theirs didn't last and he's had several other women in the 2 years since he discarded me. My exN doesn't seem unhappy to me, but the grass is always greener and the supposed happiness he shows the outer world is not real, it is a temporary illusion created to avoid his own emptiness and indifference. He may even believe in the illusion himself for awhile (idealization phase). You didn't do this to yourself, a narc manipulates to control and then walks away leaving us in confusion and despair - it feels like it is all our fault, when in truth, THEY are the ones who wrote the script and lead us to believe it was a true story. We are not responsible for the lie, only for our reaction to it. It is hard for ANYONE to react in their best interests when the truth is so well disguised and kept hidden through emotional manipulation and control. Believe in yourself now, stop believing in him! The mask of a narc is a very convincing, yet completely false persona and how can anyone feel real happiness when they don't have any emotional depth or empathy? Only by getting swept up in their own illusion then faking it when once again it can't be maintained! ((hugs))

I don't think they are happy......I reflect on my "honeymoon period" with my Narc....I thought we were happy, etc.....Our relationship had so much going for it....our situations (both had one kid, same age, lived in same town, same big company, same values, etc...) our chemistry, etc....Well, we went to his HS reunion about 2 months into the relationship and guess what he did????? He bragged about his daughter (who was 10 at the time and very typical) and ignored the fact he was even IN a relationship......I was standing right there!!!! A couple brave people turned and said, Oh, how are YOU TWO doing, how long have you been together???? etc.....It was actually embarassing....a couple people who knew him from school said, hey are you two fighing??? Anyways, the point is....we are NEVER important to these people as much as we should be in a healthy relationship.....not even during the "good times".... So, don't worry that he is "happy" with this woman....HE ISN'T!!! My exNARC's exGF thought he was soooo happy with me based on the pictures he would post of us on FB and the fact he took me home to meet his Dad, etc.....BUT this couldn't be further from the truth.....but how was she to know this??? I should have ran, but I didn't......I learned so much though.....

OMG, almost these exact things have happened to me in the past with my narc. Over the past 5 years, I have seen this kind of behavior with my narc, and of course, after reading how many of us all have gone through this makes me realize even more the sickness in these f*#kers. Two years ago my narc sat down with me and said we had to talk about the future and where would we live, would I sell my house and move in with him, would I use his last name or hyphen mine, etc. All the while, he had a bimbo on the side and I didn't know untl a year later!! He did this over and over again. There was always someone waiting in the wings. But I didn't realize the extent of it until later. Even as recent as a few months ago, he kept texting, emailing and calling saying he missed me, etc, I gave in and met him, and the same thing as you, he walked me to my car, kissed me passionately and then disappeared for a few weeks. Then when I went NC he through a fit!! These guys are all the same, selfish, self serving, pathological, you name it. What we must do is to ignore and move one. As Sandra Brown says, "it's hard wired". I know how you feel because it is so hard for me to shut it off when you have loved someone so deeply. And it is a constant and daily struggle for me. But I keep praying everyday, and I ask God to help me get through this because even though my head knows the deal, my heart is still dragging behind. LOVE YOU!! xoxoACgirl

I really understand and feel exactly the same. I try so hard to let it all go and just focus on me But The fact that he all but tortured me and now has such a wonderful life with ow galls me So unfair So unfair All I can say is that you are not alone nd when we really hit th bottom there can only be one way to go x x.

First, what did you do to yourself? You feel and he plays with that. Hes's happy?? NOT! If he's so happy why is he serving "scrambled eggs" You ,her, her, you. How is someone who plays games like this HAPPY? He's a lost soul. Next time he calls, DELETE,DELETE. F&@K him!! You need to be Happy ,once you flush the toilet the Constipation will be relieved. Hunter

I feel the same today, and it makes me sooo mad. We are still sort of living together, although not really "together" as he says (I think he just wants to justify it in case he screws someone else) I've been at my parents all weekend (my dad is terminally ill and I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him) Meanwhile, the N hasn't been in our home. Guess where he is? Club hopping, with mates, drinking beers and flirting with floozies. Is he miserable? I don't think so...

some consolations are available here http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/narcissist-victims-syndrome-survivors/discussions/messages/11523062 I too am deeply upset because i can see he appears to be very happy with the OW. I am peeping in and feel like a loser.. a jobless wretch ..i need to stop looking over his shoulder...the OW ..egad.. she is dumber than anything..and thus she is adored by this cheater

You are looking at the situation with emotional feelings only. Look at it logically and with common sense. If he is happy then why the hell is he contacting you? He will NEVER be happy. But neither will you, until you get him completely out of your life. Stay away from him and you will be happy again. xxx, Ruby

I DON'T AGREE...SO HE WENT TO THE BAHAMAS, SO WHAT, HAPPINESS IS NOT A PLACE YOU CAN GO...HAPPINESS IS WITHIN US....IF HE IS SO HAPPY...WHY DID HE GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU...YOU TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM...HE TEXTS YOU NOT TO BUMP INTO EACH OTHER...THIS SOUNDS LIKE HE IS HAPPY???...HAPPY PEOPLE DO NOT!!!! AND I REPEAT DO NOT SET OUT TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE UNHAPPY...WHY WOULD THEY?...LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHTS WITH YOU, CRY AND YOU CRY ALONE....DOES THIS REALY SOUND LIKE A HAPPY MAN...YES IT DOES IF HE HAS MANAGED TO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY...WHICH HE HAS...

Do not beat yourself up for having a heart and soul! The only true emotion they feel is anger/rage. EVERYTHING else is an act. They fuel themselves off of OUR emotions. It's as close as they could ever get to true feelings it is all an act! Be kind to yourself. Peace! Coffee

I humbly disagree and can only refer to the EX narc I don't think he is happy at all, and he can never live up to the perfect ideal he has in his own mind. I also think he has tons of self loathing that he hides well. He wears so many masks and I do not think he is ever satisfied for long, he has to constantly be entertained heaven forbid he is bored. All his needs must me met too, he is always finding a need again and again for someone else to fill for him and then he gauges and puts a grade on that, was it good enough? I disagree that I find the more I see him clearly the more I realize how he isn't satisfied with where he is in his life, the car he drives, or now who he fucks