I just saw my best friend connect with my narc ex 2 days ago on LinkedIn. WTF????? She promised me she wouldn't talk to him ever again. WTF???? I feel betrayed.
I can definitely tell my best friend is upset with me. I feel kinda ridiculous for flying off the handle, but at the same time I still can't fathom as to why she would want anything to do with him (business site or not). I just don't get it...I'm trying to let it all go though.
Maybe you need a break from her. If she is upset with YOU, she is far from understanding anything that's going on, and the reality of the situation. You have so much to deal with already, do you really feel you should be apologizing to someone right now who wronged you in the first place? My advice is to just take some much needed time for yourself to heal, and keep the drama at an arms-length.
I have to agree with quietude
I think her minimizing your PTSD & Trauma is really not supportive and you need to put your friendship on ice for a bit.
You aren't paranoid - you're waking up to the truth
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
I'm feeling very out of control with my paranoia since last night. I had a setback last weekend (but there was nothing to contribute to it). But I definitely know my out-of-control feelings are because my ex invited her to be a contact on a business-networking site. It just irritates the hell out of me. I know why he did it, but why isn't it "a big deal" to my friend? I don't know. I shouldn't be dragging it out in my mind, but I am because that's the way I am.
Even when I was with him, she and him would sometimes talk through email (mostly about me and how unstable I am emotionally as a person). My friend would definitely be on my side and I asked for her advice a couple of times. I just hated that he always brought her up, "Well she agrees with me, she says this, I like that she's so pragmatic, blah blah blah." Well why doesn't he just go out with her then if he thinks she's so "pragmatic"? I'm not knocking my friend because she has always been the one with the level-head on her shoulders since we were kids. I was molested by my teacher when I was a teen. She's been there for me through the thick and the thin. And yes, a lot of what they discussed about me might be true, and yes I am emotionally unstable, but I hate that he ran to her as soon as he and I had a fight. I hate that he always brought her up, and I hate that at the end of our relationship he would call her and say, "You deal with her" as if I'm unmanageable.
I KNOW I'm too emotional, I KNOW I'm too sensitive- I've been this way since I was a kid. I KNOW I can't let things go. I KNOW I drive men away with my constant paranoia and dramatic thoughts.
I don't think anyone else would really understand what it is like to have been involved with a narc - unless they had themselves. My friends did not get the brainwashing, the feeling of being controlled by someone else - and the emotional rape these men cause.
They are sympathetic to me as they know my full story - but to them it is also a bit, oh get over it, find a new man.
I know I cannot explain fully to them how it really feels, because unless you have been in that situation you cannot understand. They cannot really understand how painful it is.
I was lucky that I had the ex of my N to talk to several times, and she explained his whole history. Everything made so much sense then and there was comfort for both of us, as we had both experienced what he is like (though she for 6 years and she has a child with him so her situation is far worse than mine - mine was only 6 months.) So it was infact a stranger who helped me the most in many ways - as she knew the real him.
That is why places like this are so good - because we all know how it feels.
I think back to 9 months ago before I had known my N - I never really knew such people existed. I would not have comprehended such people existed, and the spell they put people under.
If one of my friends had come to me with a story of such a person, I don't think I would have grasped fully how evil these men are.
Not that I am making excuses for your friend, but just my penny's worth.
Psycho-Boy hacked into my AOL Buddy list and sent lewd messages to all my female friends!
One who told him to go to hell? He stuck her on his blog's mailing list just a few weeks after I got out of the hospital.
One he told her the most OUTRAGEOUS lies about me. Sent her money and told her he would take her on business trips with him & leave his wife for her. Then sent her this video: (WARNING: ADULT CONTENT)
http://www.yuvutu.com/index.php?name=Video&op=view&video_id=168630
One of my best friends is half my age and in the UK. He offered her money to take her blouse off for him.
I felt like his PIMP!
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
I have to say I'm so proud of myself for not calling him tonight. I was very tempted to call him and yell at him to leave my best friend alone. But I realize he was just trying to provoke hurt and anger in me. He wants me to react. So I controlled my urge to call him. It's been 2 months and I'm proud of myself for resisting to call him! Yay!!!! I gotta be good to myself and give myself credit where credit is due. =) As Dad says, "give yourself a break."
Yay!!!!!! =) =)
She called me back. She said he contacted her to be a connection and she didn't realize she could look at his resume without having to have him as a contact. Her husband is in the same industry as he is and they were both curious about his resume profile. She is going to remove him tonight. She said she asked her husband about accepting him and he told her not to do it, but they wanted to see his profile so she accepted it. I know I'm making a huge deal about it, but why would he want anything to do with my best friend??? I wish he would leave me and anything that has to do with me ALONE. Shelby said she didn't realize it would be a big deal. I know I'm overreacting, but why would he want anything to do with her? I know, I'm paranoid. I'm going to put this behind me now. I am definitely paranoid.
why would he want anything to do with her
you've read plenty on this board - why do you think???
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
if she's (or anyone else) REALLY your friend - they'll realize you are going through PTSD and a traumatic time and not judge you or cut you off from talking about it as much as you need to.
If they do - they aren't a real friend. Period.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
I still think it stinks...
I think it's good that you are listening to your instincts, actually. I wish I was 'more' paranoid when I was with my N and suspected, but did not act on some things.
In my opinion, she needs to be on friendship probation for a while at least...
Oh, he wants something to do with her because it's a direct connection to continue to hurt you.
Yeah. That's what I was trying to explain to her because she said she didn't really see the harm in it at first. But regardless if she understands or not, she says she does and she is removing him as a connection. I need to learn to trust my best friend. I need to learn to trust again.
time to find some new friends
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
to bring up the thread on the video of Madea "Let Folks Go" but I'm sure if you watched this it would help you. Your GF has done you wrong and is not fixing it.
Yes you need to get rid of your GF of 13 years. She is TOXIC. She has done you wrong. Unfortunately for you that means ending a relationship that has meant a lot to you. But there has always been a rule with me and my GFs and that is you never date their ex. They are OFF limits.
You need to go NC with her too and yes BLOCK her. If the relationshiop is importaint to her she will fix it and will let you know that she has.
Pisces you are so much better than that.
BIG HUGS to you.
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.
I definitely know she's not dating him. She's married. I just don't know if that means she has been talking to him this whole time? Or if she's not talking to him, but she's a connection on LinkedIn? I don't know! I tried calling her tonight, left a message. She hasn't called back. I sent her 3 texts asking "why?" and "I thought you said this about him and I thought you were my best friend. Why?" Alas, she hasn't texted me back.
I even texted my Dad about it and he hasn't even called or texted me back. Am I being unreasonable?
I feel sooooo betrayed. I can't believe she would do that to me. We grew up together. She promised me she wouldn't talk to him after we broke up. She said she didn't want to. I am SOOOOO upset. I feel soooooooooo betrayed.
one of the two now ex friends since grade school and the other since i was almost 16.I am now 53.They knew him one month before they started bad mouthing me-yeah,nothing like an involvement with a pathological to show you who your true friends are and aren't hugh?
for 35 years and she took sides with my third N because he was ssoooooooooo supportive of her and her family. WTF. I was the one that needed the support. Her husband didn't just leave her after 12 years via a phone call.
The N even brought Xmas presents that year. So kind of him. As Madea says LET FOLKS GO. If they are not interested in fixing the prob with their relationship with you and supporting the ex N then they need to go. They weren't a ROOT in your life and they are not worth keeping. So phony they are.
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.
going through this. What I've learned throughout this is, you know who your true friends are in times of need. I've also had several disappointments/betrayals by friends who I thought cared about me, disappear during a time of need.
I would not share anything about your xN with this friend again. She'll likely share it with him.
Yep. I can't trust her at all anymore. Even if they are just "contacts" on LinkedIn, I can't trust her. I have no idea if they are still talking or not. What kind of friend does this??? WTF??? If it were the other way around I wouldn't have anything to do with my best friend's ex. She told me and I quote, "He's the biggest asshole and I frankly don't care if I ever talk to him again." That was last July. And now 2 days ago she's connected with him on LinkedIn??? WTF??????
You know what, I rarely cuss on here...but I fucking HATE this!!! LOOK what this shit does to people! I mean really, no wonder we can't hardly TRUST anyone ever again.
I feel your pain, sweetie. And I'm soooo sorry. All I can say is, there may have been things that were overlooked with this 'friend' too, that are now just coming to light because of this whole experience??? I say, better to find out now that she's a flaky, idiotic, fair-weather dumb-shit than 13 more years down the road. UGGGHH!!
There are good people out there, this board is FULL of them!!
((hugs))
I feel like she over-looked how it would effect me. Afterall, she hasn't seen the sides of him that I have. But, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt (even though I could feel myself slipping and I was clearly freaking out) so I'm glad she called me tonight because I definitely want to continue to trust her. She said she feels it's a little ridiculous because it's a business-linking site so it's not the same thing as Facebook. But I know for my ex it's the same thing! He doesn't even have Facebook because he thinks it's stupid. I'm sure he uses LinkedIn as a way to say, "hey, look how important I am in the business world."
Don't mean to be negative BUT...
I can definitely tell my
picsces
PiscesJNJ
I'm feeling very out of
Friends
My ex sociopath narc
same thing here
I have to say I'm so proud
She called me back. She said
you already know the answer to this
I know the answer, but it's
real friends
up to you
Yeah. That's what I was
eye-opening
I agree...
So I should block her too?
I don't know how
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.
I definitely know she's not
Married women fall
I feel sooooo betrayed. I
I knew
I knew my ex GF
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.
AMEN!
I'm FREAKING OUT! I'm having
I'm Sorry You're....
Yep. I can't trust her at
pisces
I feel like she over-looked