Yes! He moved away! Far, far away!

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#1 Jan 13 - 12PM

strongerthanever

Yes! He moved away! Far, far away!

I found out today that my exN and his childbride moved South from the city they were living in. This is adding another 45 minutes, at least to the distance between us from where they were living. A good hour away! The traffic to get to this town, which is close to the AFB here in WA, is horrible. The childbride is still working as a teacher in Tacoma 40 min drive, if she is lucky, from their new home. I am guessing they moved here because he works down in that area now. He loves that area and tried to get me to move there when we were looking at homes. He grew up not far from there and wanted to go back to his childhood memories. We would take our boys on weekends to this area and hang out in Olympia, explore the rivers and parks. Now he is doing it with the childbride. Coincidence? I dont think so. I couldnt move there because my work was not available there. I needed to be near the software hub up North. He pouted when I was talking this out with him, "but where will i work? in the city, i will take a 40k pay cut!" I was not willing to do that! So, I am thrilled that he is not around here on the weekends. It wont be easy for him to drive by anymore. I feel sorry for his wife because she has a horrible commute. But, I'm sure he convinced her it was the best for the family and her little girls. This childbride has moved them already 4 times in 2 yrs.

What gets me though, i looked up the homes in that area on Zillow and it is a tri-plex condo, they are renting and the rent goes for 1400 or so a month. He threw a fit when I asked for 500 a month from him when he moved in! That pisses me off! How can he now be willing to merge funds and pay rent like that and not even pay me equal share in my home? What makes her so special, besides being his wife, that he is doing this? Even when he lived with me for the last 6 months of our relationship, he went back to school. I supported him 100% and lent him 5k to pay his bills! When he cashed in his 401k, he gave me back the money and 500 extra toward the expense of him living here for 6 months! are you f$%king kidding me?!

How can a Narc be ok with splitting the rent with one girl, and he did this with her in their condo before this place and that was about the same price, and not with me? Now their new place has 3 bedrooms for his son and her two little girls. Happy, happy family! Gag! But, I wonder if he told her this is where he wants and needs to live because of work and she was all willing to not challenge him or argue...because he is the man and husband.

I'm happy but yet pissed at the same time that he is making this life with someone else when he would convince me and say, "i see/saw us married" and take me house shopping, ring shopping all the time! I feel so used but glad he isn't around here anymore.

#2 Jan 13 - 3PM

mystwoman

Congrats on getting some

Congrats on getting some distance between you and your xn. Oh, HOW I wish xnh would leave! I'd be turning cartwheels down the dotted line on the freeway in happiness. lol. I completely understand how you feel about the narc's "illusion" of happiness, and it annoying you. Xnh is sort of pulling the same type thing at work. I've spent the past 16 years with him bullying and abusing me because he wanted to move to another state to be near his mommy. According to xnh, I was holding him back and ruining his life because that was ALL he'd ever dreamed of doing. He just SO wanted to live close to his "family" (aka, mommy). Whatever. So what does xnh do? He dumps me and has STAYED here in this little town just like stink on poop. He's been like the "thing that won't go away". However, Monday I heard through his not-so-secret "grapevine" that he's trying to buy a really large house 65 miles from here (YES!!!!). His credit really sucks and he's also hugely in debt, so I have my doubts about whether this will really happen. Personally, I think xnh is trying to "impulse purchase" something for himself because he's always been that way. When things get hard in xnh's life, he buys something for instant gratification. He seems to think this "fixes" everything. This behavior usually goes in direct proportion to his stress levels. However, according to what he tells others, he's SO happy without me. The stresses must be really getting to him because a house is a pretty big purchase. rofl. He's also spewing about how he's getting this house for him and his "kids". His "kids" are 18 and 21 years old, BTW. The oldest P daughter is grossly pregnant by a gang member, unemployed and on welfare, has a drug problem, and is highly likely to have huge trauma when she finds out that a crying baby is NOT going to allow her sleep until the "crack of noon" every day like she's used to doing. Xnh can paint his pretty little fantasy however he wishes, in his own mind, but somehow NONE of this strikes me as "domestic bliss". Even if this proposed house purchase actually DOES happen, xnh is still not moving near his mommy just like "he's always dreamed". It irks me that I've lived with YEARS of his abuse for not moving near mommy, and yet he stays in this state now. Obviously, I'm not "holding him back" and "ruining his life" any longer. So what's his excuse? The scapegoat (me) is gone, and how I WISH he'd leave. Oh well, I guess I'll go bleat some more like the scapegoat that I am, and eat the siding off a house. Maybe I'll feel better. lol. Hopefully, I'll at least get the 65 miles from xnh. I'll take whatever I can get.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#3 Jan 13 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

strongerthanever

I guess it is common...

for Narcs to have bad credit? Mine does, well, the last I knew it was 200 points or a little more below mine. He wanted to buy a house too but on my dime. When I mentioned to split the downmpayment, we stopped looking at homes. I know that he is and has been repeating his pattern with the OW. He likes looking at homes and he is really fixing the outside situations like, "if i have a truck, i'll be happy. if i move close to where i grew up with awesome memories, i'll be happy. if i quit teaching and find another job, i'll be happy. if i get more time with my son, i'll be happy. if i make more money, i'll be happy." He isn't working on the inside issues. I do find it sad that the OW is in this situation. But, she started to date him a couple months after filing divorce and married him 6 months after it was final. She moved in with him too after only knowing him a few months. She didn't take the time to find herself and fix her issues. I find it more sad that there are kids involved in all of this. And know the exN has moved farther away from his son which he always said he would not do. It was so important for him to be 20 min away. He didn't want to spend time in the car with him driving him back and forth during his visitation. So, that tells me he probably lost or gave up more time with him. Which is sad too. But, his son has a stepfather that does stuff with him, coaches his teams, and is more full-time than the exN ever was. His siter even said she wondered if he really loved his son as a father should. And now knowing of this disease, I dont think he does. He uses his son as a sympathy card really. He couldnt spend an entire week with him during the summer without getting irritated and needed space! And now his childbride is fighting for custody of her girls. I think she has them 50/50 because the mom is usually the main caregiver. I do need to stop trying to figure them out. I am just glad I can move throughout town without running into them. I joined groups that do things in Tacoma and I've been avoiding it because it is right down the street from where they lived. I couldnt handle it and still never want to see him again or with someone else. I'll read more on this and continue to remind myself of the things you ladies have said. Thanks again!

#4 Jan 13 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

onwithmylife

strongerthenever

my Narc had horrible credit for many years, racked up $20,000 in credit cards debts and did not pay a dime, had bad credit for 7 years and rebuilt it and was able to buy a home, no sweat. He was always more interested in my money and wanted us to buy a house together and we almost did on 3 different times, luckily god intervened for me, as might have very well killed me for the house, he said once," he never loved me, he just wanted us to get a house together so he could drive me off a cliff."what a thoughtful comment from a man who professes to love me, UGH

#5 Jan 13 - 6PM (Reply to #11)

strongerthanever

OMG! That's horrible

Who says this kind of stuff to someone? Oh wait, a Narc! My exN never said anything like that. Just comments like someone else was more chatty than me. Yes because she doesnt know you or it is during happy hour. Big difference than at home. Or that someone elses breasts were more pleasurable. Or that "so-and-so wouldnt do that or be that way. she was ok with it." Or calling my son f#$king retarded for putting a dish in backwards in the dishwasher, or calling him a jackass. But never any comments of beating me, killing me, never used the word "hate" like from what I've read from others. It is like he knew that if he really did say it, he was a jerk. He knew it would get back to his family too. As far as I've been told, his OW (bride), and her ex-husband got their house foreclosed on in 2008 a few months before she filed for divorce. Even though her name was not on the deed of trust, they did take out a loan on the equity right before it foreclosed. My guess is that it didn't get paid. It was around 80k. So, if that loand defaulted, it is a mark on her credit. And this is her 2nd yr of teaching. Before that she was a stay-at-home mom. She isn't making much and he left me with a few thousand to his name. He owes more money to his family. He borrowed a lot to fight for his time with his son but now, freely gives it away. Makes no sense.

#6 Jan 13 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

onwithmylife

srtongerthanever

The first time we tried to get a house I went to see a lawyer by myself, i told him that day as it was all my money at stake and none of his, he got so angry when I cam back from seeing the real estate lawyer, the lawyer was a great guy and came up with a plan that was so totally fair to us both, if we broke up, I would get what I put into it and we would split the profits 50/50, cannot get any fairer than that but did the Narc like the idea, heavens no, he wrote me one of the nastiest, ugliest letters and left it on his desk for me to see, it was HORRIBLE, He probably wanted ALL MY money if it did not work out,,, such undying love for me..................these men are repulsive, all about them never any love for US he once said he wished I had bigger breasts but later said my breasts were just fine, now i can breathe easier. Oh yes the dishes,whenever I put them in the dishwasher, guess what, he would put them in HIS way, nutso...............

#7 Jan 13 - 6PM (Reply to #12)

onwithmylife

strongerthanever

The first time we tried to get a house I went to see a lawyer by myself, i told him that day as it was all my money at stake and none of his, he got so angry when I cam back from seeing the real estate lawyer, the lawyer was a great guy and came up with a plan that was so totally fair to us both, if we broke up, I would get what I put into it and we would split the profits 50/50, cannot get any fairer than that but did the Narc like the idea, heavens no, he wrote me one of the nastiest, ugliest letters and left it on his desk for me to see, it was HORRIBLE, He probably wanted ALL MY money if it did not work out,,, such undying love for me..................these men are repulsive, all about them never any love for US. they love to compare, mine said he wished i had bigger breasts but later apologized and said they were fine, now I can breathe easier....

#8 Jan 13 - 1PM

Briseis

Hey Neighbor :) I am

Hey Neighbor :) I am familiar with that nasty traffic you speak of. I've lived in Tacoma and Seattle (and am now south of there) but it's been a good fifteen years and in just that bit of time, it's unrecognizable. Anyhoo, one thing you need to understand about NPD will help you not take his refusal to fork over a measly 500 bucks personally. It's not the money, and especially it's not YOU. For a Narc, "supply" is the real currency. Money is only a means to procure it. And for all you know, his childbride is swinging that rent, or he has bullied her into some equally unfair amount. Beware of assuming you understand how this relationship is going. From another person's POV, looking at the situation the two of you were in, they could have gotten it ALL WRONG, just based on superficial knowledge. You are (whether you realize it or not) still attributing his behavior to yours. He wouldn't do X because you were Y. Stop that. He wouldn't do X for reasons that have everything to do with his mental and emotional pathology. And his unfortunate childbride is someone you ought to pray for (we all ought to). As an aside . . . I heard you guys got a fair bit of snow a couple of days ago, I watched some YouTubes of people sliding up and down the hills LOL man oh man, all it has to do is snow two inches around here and the whole area goes to Hell :D

#9 Jan 13 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

strongerthanever

Thanks for helping me!

Thanks to you all for kicking me in the butt! And reminding me to not take this personally or go down the road of self pity. It is so easy to do that sometimes! The reason why I am concerned as to where he is living is because I caught him driving by, neighbors who know him, since he lived here for 2 yrs, seen him around and i heard he isn't that happy. Knowing him, he thinks the outside stuff, like moving to that area and close to his childhood memories are going to make him happy. I get that. She is just the means. She isn't special or different from me in that sense. You see, he told me by words and action that he wouldnt do X because i was Y. All the time! Blamed me for his sneaking around because i was Y. Yep, we did get hit but here in the valley where i live, it was gone by noon the next day. Thanksgiving was a good amount. But, today you dont need a jacket. It is warm. Crazy weather!

#10 Jan 13 - 1PM

Hunter

Stronger

They are all sad pathetic and weird. Liars, users and losers. You are trying to figure out how the mind of a cluster B personality works. You can't ,Professionals can't . By snooping you are making yourself upset. stop! If are confused keep educating yourself on the disorder. The more you learn the better you will feel. The only, and I say only,way to feel Better is to erase them as they have you. Focus on who you are what you like, go out with friends. 2010 was one of the worst years of my life. I've decided to pick myself up, NC is the only way. Learn from me. I've been there, I'm better( not 100%) I feel alive again. It is a long process be strong. Hugs Idealk

#11 Jan 13 - 1PM

Hunter

Stronger

#12 Jan 13 - 1PM

strongerthanever

and the neighborhood is where we looked in 2008!

I just have to add that my exN and I spent some great time looking at this neighborhood 2.5 yrs prior! I just pulled it up and i knew EXACTLY where this was. OMG! Isn't this freaky that he moved his wife to the area he was jacked about with me just yrs prior? He liked the neighborhood and easy access to the highway. It also has some parks not far from them. Does anyone else think this is sort of sad, pathetic, and weird?

#13 Jan 13 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

KellyG

It looks like to me is what

It looks like to me is what he wants is to live in that neighborhood and that is the bottom line, he doesn't care who he lives with there or who he has his wife as long as he can use her money to get him what he wants! You put your foot down with living in that neighborhood, so he had to find someone else that would. He is most likely just using her to get what he wants! Be glad it is not you!

#14 Jan 13 - 5PM (Reply to #3)

strongerthanever

You are right!

It doesnt matter if it was me or her. He had to find someone to not give him grief and just bend to his every desire. Yeah...I'm not like that! I believe in partnership and what is best for the kids, not me. The OW has moved them a lot and it isn't fair either. Hopefully one day she will wake up and see the signs. maybe they just enable one another. I heard from the grapevine of his that she was "crazy" in the past and had to be put on medication. They don't know what it was. Maybe bipolar? But, crazy with crazy. I am glad it wasn't me. He tried to get me to move in the opposite direction too a yr later. And when I kept insisting he cash in his 401k, because he had absolutely no money (lived paycheck to paycheck) he stopped. The OW is getting child support each month and I heard from the grapevine that she just got an increase too. So there you go! Thanks for knocking sense into me!

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