You have got to read the text my hN sent tonight, please respond

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#1 Oct 13 - 8PM

jaycee

You have got to read the text my hN sent tonight, please respond

his text said "I love you now, i loved you then, i will always love you you are my soul mate always have been im so sorry i did this ma ma to you its me thats not a cop out it has nothing to do with you or anything you did ma ma you are the best ever your husband, his name"

Please tell me what the hell this narc is thinking, and why suddenly is he taking the blame and telling me im his soul mate. he's saying hes sorry for what he did. a little late there,

im thinking one of two things, 1. hes in desperate need of my supply, as supply is running low at the whore's
or 2. hes feeling guilty and wants me to forgive him so he can go on his merry way with the whore.....what do you guys think??
someone please tell me your version of this text........jaycee

#2 Oct 14 - 9AM

jen79

Jaycee you are still in trauma

For me it seems you are still in this trauma bonding thing. In this stage, we could tell you whatver, you could hear it with your ears, but you dont really understand. YOu said, what if he loves her? Jaysee. Do you think, that a man, who doesnt care if his som dies in war, is capable of love cause he found "the one"???? Are you listening to yourself jaycee??? You think he loves her, whole he is telling you how unhappy he is, and how much he regrets to have left you and the family...are you getting this? He is already cheating on her again. Sorry, listen, If he would not be a narc or P, and lets say he is "just" a cheater, do you know what a mature man, with empathy would behave now? He would make sure, you can move on, you would NOT throw any Love regret BS at you, so its impossible for you to move on, he would give you a real closure, he would talk to you in an mature way, again and again till you and him understand what went wrong in your marriage. Thats how mature healthy people, who "just" made a mistake by cheating, would behave, and believe me, it wouldnt hurt that much, it would hurt, but you wouldnt go through that roller coaster now. Jacee, do still have hope? That he comes back to you? Cause its sounds as if you would rather believe he loves her and not you, cause that would mean it was your falut and you could still change the situation - in comparison to HIM being a narc, cause this means, there is no hope, and your years with him were a lie and wasted? Jaycee, please start to face the trueth, I dont know what makes you think, that he is normal??? Read Michelle above.

#3 Oct 14 - 9AM (Reply to #43)

jaycee

jen

you are right, i would rather feel it was because i wasnt the one, and maybe if i was different, things would be different, maybe if i thought it was my fault, i could fix it. i dont know about his narc, because usually, narcs blame us for everything, and normally he does, but now hes saying its all him and has nothing to do with me, ive heard that song and dance before, but there have been many a time he blames me for everything.....i just dont know, im so lost, and so confused and pray he is a psycho narc, so at least, then i can know in my heart, she is not the one and he will continue his behavior for life.........Jaycee

Jaycee

#4 Oct 14 - 10AM (Reply to #45)

jen79

Oh jaycee thats the classic narc trap

It was all my fault and not you - oh cmon - gimme a break. Yes they blame you for everything, and now that you decided lately that you will divirce him and you will tie him down on court, he comes back at you with BS. You know they have the radar for that. Please jaycee, I know you are in pain, sometimes I thought I go crazy about it, I waited more than 1 and a half year till he left his woman, till I found my peace. Do you want to wait for that to happen, jaycee. There is no question, he is a N, maybe even P. It is so obvious for us, all he says is just blablahblah. You are in trauma, in pain, and jaycee you need NC, I am not kidding, it wont stop, till you go NC... Please stop reading any BS texts from him, delete them.

#5 Oct 14 - 10AM (Reply to #46)

jaycee

classic trap

jen, im so glad you feel he is a narc, and possibly a psycho, so things he does is psychotic, i mean, how does he play these games and not be insane. how does he go from wishing he were here and then going to her giving her all she wants, doesnt he get confused, i mean it has to be some kind of defect, i did ask him, what he meant by his text, he said i wanted to say something nice, i wanted to tell you how i felt, i said, were you saying you were sorry and telling me to move on so you can have your life with the whore, he said, no, i told you im moving on, from her, im getting out of there one way or another, i said well when you said move on, you were strickly talking about your situation over there, right? he said yes, im talking about going on my own, youre not the only one who wants me out of there, i want out of there more than you think. blahblahblah tell jaycee what she wants to hear.....i know hes lying, but i just want to know what he could possibly gain from this.. i dont get it.....if youre moving on then move on.........dont talk do it.....Jaycee

Jaycee

#6 Oct 14 - 10AM (Reply to #47)

jen79

Jesus...Jaycee

I wished better off were here, she can do that so much better than me. Jaycee, you still have hope and I totally feel you. But believe me, do you know whats going to happen? He is preparing you emotionally, manipulating you, so get soft and weak and hopefull, using your pain against you, so when the OW makes too much stress, he can come back to you at HOME. And in case, they dont have a fight, he will forget about everyhting he told you today. And even worse, he leaves her, dumps you too, and he moves on with some other bitch. Jaycee, he doesnt have feelings, he doesnt wish anything, he is putting an act onto you. It is all an act, by evil intention jaycee, he doesnt say what you want to hear for you, he says it cause he knows he will get something out of it. Why he says he wants to move out and coming back and still he stays and gives her everything she wants? CAUSE YOU ARE NOW THE WHORE FOR HIM JAYCEE. Do you understand, you are now the OW - just in case....he just needs supply. thats all. Gosh I fucking hate your husband, he is soooo disgusting.

#7 Oct 14 - 11AM (Reply to #48)

jaycee

Jesus jaycee

jen, you are so right, whatever angle he is playing is purely for him, at least ive never asked him back, nor has he ever mentioned coming back, only says he wishes he were still here, but never asks. the only thing we discuss and he gets frustrated because he says hes sick and tire of telling me the same thing, im moving on, i want out of there, i am getting my own place, i will prove it to you, etc...i know he has no money to do so right now, but lets see if he really means it, the only reason i think he does this is to keep one foot in the door in case he gets desperate and has no where else to go, but ive told him several times, hes no longer welcome here, but i will help him when he gets his own place, i will give him as much money as i can toward the bills here, when he gets his place. i dont even know if i believe him, i dont believe he is really going to get his own place, but he insists he is. i know right now, im his ow, emotionally, yet i could never be the whore, im the wife, she will always be the whore. bet she has no idea he has any intention of moving out, whether its talk or not. we'll see time will tell. and i can only wish he would dump her and me too, and find a new source of supply, i would love that, as long as hes away from her, i will wish him much happiness and joy with the next, because she will have had nothing to do with the end of my marriage, she will be a sad victim, and i will feel for her. lets just hope there is a her, soon, a new one, and i wont have to hear his bullshit and this whore will get whats coming to her.......Jaycee

Jaycee

#8 Oct 14 - 10AM (Reply to #44)

hopefuljms

Jaycee

Darlin, I feel so sorry for you! We all know your pain and have felt it. I don't know if you are in therapy or taking any sort of anti-anxiety meds but I have to say it is a good idea. Therapy saved my life and the meds were only a temporary need. I was on edge yesterday and called my therapist and she fit me right it. It helped tremendously. If you can't afford it I know there are services available for little to no money. Do you self a favor, give yourself a break. This guy is sooo not worth your time and effort. You need to take care of yourself and pretend he doesn't exist. Do not engage, do not talk to him unless absolutely necessary. If you have to communicate stick to the business at hand and do it via email. As soon as he starts with his BS STOP him and tell him that subject is not up for discussion. Most importantly take care of you!!!!

#9 Oct 14 - 7AM

fedup

Jaycee~It's the "Cookie Game"

Jaycee, do you remember being a young child? I don't know if you had siblings, or not,or cousins, but I think all of us fell for this game at one point before we wised up. My older brother would offer me a cookie. My eyes would light up, I would nod my head enthusiastically, say "yes", and reach for the cookie. At the last moment, before I had it in my hand, he would pull it out of reach. And laugh at my crestfallen reaction. So , once again, (with a big show of being magnanimous)he would offer me the cookie again.."oh, okay.....sorry...........' I reached for the cookie--and again, he'd snatch it back at the last second.And he'd laugh at me again..... And on and on and on, until I learned not to fall for it. It's mildly amusing when you're a kid. But when someone does the same thing with their love,affection, and respect~~~ ---repeatedly--- It's cruel. Jaycee, if someone has already written you a whole bunch of bad checks, each time with an assurance that it won't bounce, and every time the check bounces..... Would you still keep accepting their checks?

#10 Oct 14 - 6AM

jaycee

I know that anything and everything he says is a lie

I know anything and everything he says is a lie. I know actions speak louder than words, he can tell me or text me whatever he wants, bottom line he continues to live with his whore and give her the illusion, yes, that hurts, more than anyone can say. the pain is overwhelming, and yes, at times, my hope is he is saying these things because he is not happy there and will keep his promise to get his own place. i know he is lying and she has no idea that he even speaks to me, let alone, tells me how unhappy he is. i know he has no intention of going on his own, he just tells me what i want to hear. he is cruel and abusive emotionally destructive, i do know that, i wish i could move on in my heart, but letting go after so many years, after i did everything for this man, its sickening, i have to let go of him. i spoke with my cousins husband, a rather hot looking(telling you this cause hes hot but not a narc and so you know its not some goofy nerdy guy who would say nice things just to say them, awsome guy last night, my cousin is so lucky, hes faithful and loves her and his kids. he said to me, move on, how could you ever love a guy that did all these things to you, i dont care if you were with him a thousand years, hes a piece of shit, he doesnt love you or his kids, and i highly doubt he loves anyone but himself, he said, it makes me sick about your son, i would die before i wouldnt see my son, i dont care if my son were 70 years old, hes my son, and this guy is a douche bag for having done this. he told me i need to meet someone and move on, he said you might find that a relationship with a real person will give you a whole new outlook on life, and i said where am i supposed to meet anyone, he said anywhere, he said your beautiful, funny, and so fun to be around, we all miss that part of you, dont let him waste anymore of your time or your life, hes not worth it. i cried, i know all of you are right, and i know he was right, he also told me that no matter what i did for this guy it obviously wasnt enough, and who knows if anything will be enough, and who cares, hes worthless and everyone knows it. how sad, a man has to tell me i need to move on and forget about this guy, he said if your cousin walked out on me, id say see ya, id be hurt, but i would never let someone keep me down, not after doing all i have done, and you should feel the same. my point here is everyone knows, strangers and friends alike, that my hN is just keeping me on a string, and has no regard for me whatsoever, and i need to move on, it makes me sick, but i need to let go of the past and let him make his life with his whore or whoever he ends up with, i cant control that, and that also makes me crazy, i wish i could just make him walk away from her and find someone new, as NO i dont want him back, i just want him away from her, sounds crazy but in an immuture way, i hate loosing. and i let her win. what i should have done is kept him here and made both their lives a living hell, like they did too me, and then when he was over his little obsession, dropped him like a hotcake. thats what i should have done, the should haves the could haves are eating me alive, i swear i am riddled with cancer from all the pain and stress, i must be down to 100 pounds or less, i cant eat, cant sleep and feel sick everyday. please someone make the pain go away........ Jaycee

Jaycee

#11 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #33)

michele115 (not verified)

Jaycee..."Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, there was a husband and a wife. Before that, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. The Boyfriend and girlfriend decided to get married - that's how they became husband and wife. They had this beautiful big wedding on a yacht. The boyfriend only made 40K a year, and the girlfriend made 80K - but that didn't matter because they were in love. Soon thereafter they bought a big expensive house in the suburbs and lived the American Dream...about two years later a son followed. After that, things got a little fuzzy. Allegedly, the wife had a personality disorder, she "Abused" her husband. She denied him sex, and banished him to the sofa for 18 months. He grew very lonely and very sad, his wife was such a meanie. He did everything for his family, he worked hard, and did all he could to keep peace and really really wanted his marriage to work. He would go about town, weaving his sad story to anyone who would listen -the only requirement was that they had ears. He'd even sit down sometimes along the side of the road and if a stray dog was wandering by, he'd talk to the dog...most smart people could see something wrong with his story, but there was one person who was very naive and thought that certainly, there is good in people, and so she listened intently, and provided support as best she could. She began to see how much suffering he was going through, having such a terrible mean wife, who would remove tags from his car to keep him home, imprisoned! Would deny him the opportunity to go to his meetings - perhaps she suspected he'd go from 0-13th step - but heaven's me...recovery is recovery how dare anyone interfere? Late at night, she'd have these terrible terrible fights with him - for no reason other than "She was crazy" of course - and we all know what it's like to be crazy DON'T WE?...Oh how much this poor man suffered. And so in time, the only person who would listen to him (even the stray dog started crossing the street when he saw the Narc) decided to take him under her wing and nurse him back to health. The potential for true happiness was there, afterall the only thing he needed was a little understanding and encouragement. And so eventually, this poor beaten down man somehow gathered the "strength" to take a stand against his horrible, terrible, miserable, mean wife and he actually left her! This of course took a lot of work on his part, because it's not easy being a victim - especially when you're a willing participant but yes! He gathered up the strength one day and finally did it. That of course verified that he really was unhappy for certainly everyone knows that married men don't leave their wives - so of course the story must be true and he really was looking for change and was truly unhappy because his wife was horrible, terrible, miserable and mean...AND, since she was all these things and EVERYONE knew it because he made sure to tell everyone what a horrible, terrible, miserable and mean woman she was, everyone supported him especially his mother who bought him a cell phone so that he could "communicate" with others under the horrible, terrible, miserable and mean conditions he was living under. Certainly, it only made sense that he somehow secure a place to go rather than standing up to his wife and dealing with the issue one way or another. Why should he? That would actually make him a man with morals and values. Certainly his horrible, terrrible, miserable and mean wife deserved none of that, nor did his son. So eventually he joins the one listener he found who actually soaked up everything he had to say like one empathetic little sponge. When the divorce began, his empathatic little sponge made sure to help him with all his paperwork so the horrible, terrible, miserable mean wife could not destroy him. Under the circumstances, it seemed like the right thing to do - certainly it was not an illusion. And as most people who go through divorce know, there was lots and lots of dissention, pain and misery but of course, this was all because the horrible, terrible, miserable, mean wife who was blindsided, victimized, cheated on and lied to brought it upon herself! Despite all her conniving, she was somehow able to secure in her "insanity" child support but not enough to really provide for her child and in the end, she's probably still recovering - she may not even be able to fully realize what hit her - despite the empathetic little sponge trying to tweet a suggestion in her ear after SHE was later labeled, Bi-Polar because she just couldn't understand his need to cheat, his need to lie, his self-centerdness, his passive aggression, his compulsions, his trolling for ass on Facebook amongst a host of other things. After all that, the epathetic little sponge also became crazy, horrible, terrible, miserable and mean. He was last seen with another woman talking about how unlucky in love he is and how perfect the new woman was because she wasn't horrible, terrible, miserable, mean and CRAZY like allllllll the others before her. While the horrible, terrilbe, miserable, mean and crazy ex-wife is not fully recovered, she is free of the bondage and is well ahead of the game in terms of recovery simply because of the time under her belt. She has a semblance of a social life and does not have to walk on eggshells. Her "mental illness" seems to have dissipated and she looks younger than she did when she was married. Her son appears to be thriving beautifully. The empathetic little sponge is only now starting her recovery and was lucky enough to come across a support forum run by a Ms. Lisa E. Scott. Many times the empathetic little sponge wants to really reach out once again to the horrible, terrible, miserable, mean and crazy ex-wife just to reiterate how important it is that she learn about narcissism for her own sanity since they share a son; however, the empathetic little sponge does not want to bring her anymore misery than what she has suffered. But sometimes late at night, when she is in her darkest despair, the empathetic little sponge can't help but envy how much further along and how much more at peace the horrible, terrible, miserable, mean and crazy ex-wife is in her recovery, how much more peace she must be feeling, and how free she is, and really wishes sometimes she was in her shoes. Jaycee, whether you know it or not, you've already won.

#12 Oct 14 - 9AM (Reply to #40)

betty2020

Bravo!!!! Standing

Bravo!!!! Standing Ovation!!!!! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#13 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #35)

jaycee

michele

i get your story, but what if his little sponge, never finds out, what if she has a lifetime of his illusion, and what if just what if he really loves her and is only saying these things to me because he feels guilty or feels so bad he thinks it helps. maybe hes not a narc, maybe just a cheater who happened to fall in love once again. he seems to do that every several years, the last one lasted almost two years, he was gone, but not gone for almost two years in the nineties, yet he never let me out of his web and i never knew anything about narcs then, but what if he loves this one, and all the things he is saying is because he thinks they make me feel better because he feels bad for falling in love with someone else. what if shes the one.............Jaycee

Jaycee

#14 Oct 14 - 8AM (Reply to #39)

michele115 (not verified)

Jaycee

You mentioned once he was a sex addict, not sure if that was in anger or if he really is. You asked: what if she has a lifetime of his illusion, then asked: what if he really loves her CAN THESE TWO QUESTIONS BE IN THE SAME SENTENCE? Illusion and love? Foryou or ANYBODY else? Can illusion and love go together? Because if they can, now I'm really cluster fucked because I'm going to have to ask myself what am I doing here on Vain Encounters.... Then you ask: what if he is only saying these things to me because he feels guilty WHAT IF IT IS THAT JAYCEE? Are you going to rescue him once again, "absolve" him of his guilt? What about you and your feelings? ARE you ready to fully forgive him and have no ill feelings about this issue? Because if not, it's a moot point and doesn't matter, because it has to be all about you...excuse my french but F-HIM! Then you say: maybe hes not a narc, maybe just a cheater who happened to fall in love once again. he seems to do that every several years AND I WILL RETORT: OKAY, WE DON'T HAVE TO CALL HIM A NARC, LET'S JUST CALL HIM A GRANDIOSE, SADISTIC, SELF SERVING, SELF CENTERED, IMPOTENT, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, INSENSITIVE, PIECE OF SHIT, HORNY MF, USELESS, SPINELESS, DEGENERATE, SCUM SUCKING, PIECE OF COW DUNG ABUSER (Ladies, can you think of other adjectives to include? I haven't had my coffee yet)...either way, is his treatment of you okay? 24 years and he treats you like this? Okay Jaycee, maybe he's not a narc...he's all of the aforementioned instead - why argue semantics? More frustrating, you say: yet he never let me out of his web NOW, I UNDERSTAND LOVE AND THE THINGS WE DO...BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ENABLE YOUR BEING A VICTIM TODAY AT THIS POINT ON THAT COMMENT ABOUT HIS NEVER LETTING YOU OUT OF HIS WEB...NOT TODAY I WON'T. TODAY YOU HAVE THE CHOICE...YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THE CHOICE BUT DID NOT KNOW IT LIKE ALL OF US HERE - SO I'M NOT JUDGING BUT SAYING YOU HAD BETTER REWIRE YOUR THINKING AND YOU HAD BETTER DO IT NOW!!! EXPLAIN HOW TODAY HE'S NOT LETTING YOU OUT OF HIS WEB. WHO IS HOLDING WHO IN THE WEB TODAY JAYCEE? I WILL BUY IT HAPPENED FOR 24 YEARS, AND I WILL SAY YOU HAVE A VERY BAD TRAGIC PAINFUL SITUATION - AND I DO EMPATHIZE WITH THAT - BUT TODAY OCTOBER 14, 2010 - NO ONE IS HOLDING YOU IN HIS WEB BUT YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE THAT. YOU JAYCEE AND IT HURTS, BUT UNTIL YOU TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS AND DECIDE THAT YOU WANT TO START THINKING DIFFERENTLY, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO WILLINGLY BE TRAPPED IN YOUR WEB....YES, YOUR WEB...YOU ARE THE ONE CREATING THE WEB JAYCEE. YOU ARE CREATING IT BY NOT TRYING TO BREAK FREE. NOW YOU KNOW THE FACTS, WHETHER HE'S A NARC OR NOT...SHOOT WE EVEN KNOW THEY ESCAPE DIAGNOSIS...WHO CAN WE REALLY SAY IS A NARC? WOULD YOU SAY HE WAS ABUSIVE? IS THAT ENOUGH? I'm sorry I'm yelling but if I wasn't afraid of flying across the Atlantic Jaycee...grrrr...then you say: but what if he loves this one, and all the things he is saying is because he thinks they make me feel better because he feels bad for falling in love with someone else. what if shes the one. And I am going to calmly ask: Can he love? and lets say he can...do you think it is a kind, considerate manly thing to do to know that a soon to be ex wife is hurting but instead of laying the facts on the table, no matter how painful - embrace honesty...do you think that it is more "humane" and better treatment for him to LIE TO YOU to "make you feel better?"...does this make sense to you? Think about what you are saying Jaycee...either way, how does this make sense or contain logic. IT DOESN'T! and that is because that is what NARCS or GRANDIOSE, SADISTIC, SELF SERVING, SELF CENTERED, IMPOTENT, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, INSENSITIVE, PIECE OF SHIT, HORNY MF, USELESS, SPINELESS, DEGENERATE, SCUM SUCKING, PIECE OF COW DUNG ABUSERS do!!!!! So what was the original question Jaycee?

#15 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #36)

jen79

jaycee she is not the one

jaycee, the overwhelming pain is speaking out of you - your mind is not clear. SHE iS NOT THE ONE. And yes he is a narc - he is a psychopath. I dont need to hear more than that with your son to know that. He didnt fall in love with her, he doesnt even know what this is. Please go NC, jaycee, the pain will never stop, your mind and perception will never clear up, till you go NC.

#16 Oct 14 - 9AM (Reply to #38)

MovinOnUp

Have to agree

Have to agree with Jen that how he treated his own son and daughter proves this guy isn't capable of love. I know how hurt you are, but you're pinning for a guy that shit all over his own children. Crapped on his own son while he is bravely serving his country. And this makes me see a shade of red I can't even begin to describe. His steroid induced body should be dropped on the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan without a weapon, and no troops to back his sorry ass up. And the fact that he has the effin nerve to refer to you as mama as he disrespects his own children... leaves me speechless. You're not his mama. And I'd slap him in the face if he ever calls you that again. Slam the door down on this coward and he'll be outside your house wailing for his mama within days. Picture him in diapers. That's how I see him. Just an overgrown baby that needs multiple nipples to get through the day, a wet nurse or three. For the record, this return would have nothing to do with love. He'll just be looking to get his needs met by someone who expects nothing and makes no demands. That said, I do understand how hurt you are. But please don't lose your head to the point where you use the words "deep" and "depth" to describe any words that come out of this guy's mouth because he is as shallow as they come. You really do deserve so much better, Jaycee. Many years have been wasted for (by) both of us, but we need to cut our losses and move on. We need to learn from our mistakes and have faith that the future holds more promise than the past. Not just for ourselves, but for our children. And that future shouldn't be contigent on any moves the N does or does not make. (((HUGS)))

#17 Oct 14 - 8AM (Reply to #37)

jaycee

jaycee she is not the one

jen, but what if she is, what if im wrong what if hes not a narc what if he loves her, oh im in so much pain...you say shes not the one, but none of us know this.i pray you are right.....i pray hes a narc and a psychopath........Jaycee

Jaycee

#18 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #34)

Used

jaycee

michelle 115, has done it again...put in to a story, that could be any of us.... but is you....you have won..you are the winner you dont feel like it yet.. but you will.. m115, could be talking about me and my exh,s ...the stories he has told his g/f about me... are like reading this story... good luck to myexh,s women she is going to need it!!! so will your husbands women....gee, what a prize she got!!!...well she definatly.. WON THE BATTLE BUT LOST THE WAR!!!!

#19 Oct 14 - 6AM (Reply to #32)

blueeyes

Jaycee-

Its all about choices. Every minute of your life depends on the choices you make. Noone but you can take the pain away. You can do this! Just a thought but does the whore see his texts to you? Maybe she should. Your in your life's drivers seat. What road do you choose?

#20 Oct 14 - 6AM (Reply to #27)

jen79

Jaycee your cousins hubby is right spot on!

Please listen to him, sometimes god sends us angels in form of people close to us. I know how you feel, your mind and heart dont match each other yet. Butwhat you need to do, is grieveing the loss of the man you thought he is, even if this was more than 24 years. Dont waste more time jaycee. Dont waste your time on waiting for him to move on from her. YOu said, she wins and you dont like to lose - uhm, what did she win, jaycee? And what did you lose? From my perspective, she is the one who loses, and you are the one who wins. He is no catch, he is a damn psychopath. Let her get the "catch", that doesnt give a crap about his son being in irak. Which father says that, please, about his son? Let alone all the other abuse he did to you and your family, this alone, him not giving a dman about his son, isnt that enough for you to see jaycee, that he is not what you thought he is. Remember the psychic you warned you years before you married him.... Please listen to her and your cousins husband...these are signs from the universe, to push you. YOu end the abuse, the pain and all this unbelievable suffer, by ending it, by accepting the facts. Jaycee, I pray for you today, I hope you let in sink in you... Hugs!

#21 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #28)

jaycee

your cousins hubby

jen, thank you for what you said, you are so right, the fact that he could do this to his son, should make me hate him and be glad i am rid of him, but he heart and mind dont match, the pain is so overwhelming, i wish i could let go, im so sick, i feel like im dying and i dont want to die i just want to accept he is not leaving this girl, not for a long time, probably never, i just wish i could understand why he continues to tell me how he loves me and how much he misses me, and how hes getting his own place, why? why not be cruel and heartless and say, i love this girl, im not leaving her move on with your life, why cant he do that?Jaycee

Jaycee

#22 Oct 14 - 7AM (Reply to #29)

jen79

Jaycee, he doesnt love her

Believe me, he doesnt love her either. She is supply, and so are you, you and her are objects to him, and that he is a full blown N/P is shown through his lack of love and affection towards HIS son's situation. There is no doubt anymore, he is a psycho, and he doesnt love you, and he doesnt love her. So why is he telling you all of this, why is he so cruel? Jaycee, we cannot understand that with our hearts - dont even try!!! Because we are so different, and we would never do such a thing. But believe me, he is a psycho, and the reason he is telling you this is because he KNOWS thats what you need to hear, so he can keep you as supply. Sometimes supply means for them - KNOWING SHE STILL LOVES ME; KNOWING SHE DOESNT MOVE ON; KNOWING SHE STILL HURTS OVER ME!!!!!!!!! Maybe he just felt sorry for himself that day, and needed the warm "wife supply" to comfort him....for that second. All they say is a lie, who knows what he tells HER about you. I spent so many months in this state you are in now, jaycee. The moment you accept, and grieve the loss of your love - he died, he is dead, and the evil twin is left there to punsih you - believe me, you will start to feel better, heart and mind will slowely match again. Forget the competetion with this woman, jaycee, you have won, not she.

#23 Oct 14 - 8AM (Reply to #30)

jaycee

jaycee he doesnt love her

jen, i keep reading what you are saying and i wish i could believe he was a psycho and a narc, but today im beginning to think he just didnt love me and is searching for the one, and i wasnt the one, and maybe just maybe she really is the one, maybe he is telling me these things because he feels bad and wants me to feel better. i dont know anymore all i know is i am consumed with pain, it hurts so bad i cant take it anymore, i should hate him, i should despise this man, why do i love him why do i miss the illusion of him, why do i feel like she won........why...........Jaycee

Jaycee

#24 Oct 14 - 8AM (Reply to #31)

michele115 (not verified)

Jaycee you spent 24 years with this man

Narc or not, it is going to hurt. It is a habit, it is 24 years of your life... Jaycee, people DIE. If you married the best man in the world, yes, you would mourn but you wouldn't stop living right? In this case, you're dealing with a bastard who treated you like crap! Any honorable man, at whatever point he realized he didn't love anyomore - would have had "the talk" and you would have been divorced. No one with morals and values hangs around for 24 years then goes hunting for "the one" Plus, you said he cheated before. That is what this POS does. He's not a man...he's a user and an abuser. SO, what is she winning again? I've yet to meet a man that has a 24K wanker. Are you going to tell me that his is gold? What did she win? Plus, you say he's broke? You can do bad all by yourself Jaycee and that is the truth, and you will at least have your sanity. What did he bring into your life? How did he enhance it? What did you share? Jaycee, it doesn't matter, the man is no good...You should send the bitch a thank you note.

#25 Oct 14 - 4AM

blueeyes

Jayce?

I can tell you this much from the knowledge (PROOF) I have read so far is that guilt doesn't enter their brain! We have guilt in the TRUE sense of the word. He cannot. He could have sent you that text because he had bad sex w his whore and thought he would fuck w ur head cuz he's in a bad mood? Really it could be nothing. I love you doesn't mean I love you, it means "I love me and what you did for me". JMO XO

#26 Oct 14 - 2AM

ewa

jaycee

Jaycee actions speak Lauder then words. His actions in the past were very hurtful for you. That hurtful that you have found yourself on this board with us. And now the only action he took is to send sms. There is no miracle, this people will not change, or at least the probability they will is very low. I can imagine what you feel now. Me myself i do not know what i would do if i got such a message. However we need to remember what this people did to us. Stay strong!

#27 Oct 13 - 10PM

MsVulcan500

Jaycee,

Everything everyone is saying here is spot on. We don't know exactly why he is saying these things, we are not disordered like he is. But one thing I can tell you is he is messing with you big time, and you are allowing it to continue. He probably doesn't want to come back to you, and he may not be happy where he is, but he does want all of the supply he can possibly get, and he will say what he thinks will work. He wants to be in your head so you don't move on. He wants to take 24 more years of your life. He wants to be able to take whatever he wants from you FOREVER, and he is getting away with it. As long as he keeps your mind jumping at what he may or may not mean, you are not moving on, moving away from him. This way you are always at his disposal. Another thing I just thought of is these guys are all about ego, and what feeds his ego more than having 2 women fighting over him? Don't feed his ego. Walk away with dignity and don't let him use you. Let anyone else feed that ego. You've served your sentence, it's someone else's turn.

#28 Oct 13 - 10PM

ClusterF

Desperate

Definitely. Don't fall for it and don't respond.

#29 Oct 13 - 10PM

kiwi10

maybe he misses you and

maybe he misses you and wants his wife back and he;s not a narc... but he's still a cheating abusive asshole best case scenerio and you deserve so much more

#30 Oct 13 - 9PM

jen79

feeling guilty???

"or 2. hes feeling guilty and wants me to forgive him so he can go on his merry way with the whore.....what do you guys think?? someone please tell me your version of this text." LOL. Sorry, but what guilt? In his world, what kind of guilt jaycee? He had CHOSEN to abuse you, not just ONCE, he had chosen to abuse you AGAIN and AGAIN. There is no feeling of guilt for any abuser, who does that again and again...if ever, then he is afraid of feeling shame. But i think in your case not even this. If I learnt something about them, and no yours is NOT different and special, then if they throw something like this at you, then just to keep you reeled in, he is pushing a button, and that he stays there means NOTHING. Cause what he says, is an ACT. And this might sound awfull now for you, but I think what has happened here really, YOU are now the OW for him, even without sex, your the other woman for emotional concerns, he needs to know he still has you in his toxic web - just in case...there is no consideration of your feelings - nor does he need your "forgivness", so he can continue - thats what NORMAL people need, he just needs you as his (sorry) WHORE. You are now his WHORE... I know its hard jaycee, but facing this, is what will free you one day of him. Hugs and Love And BTW: He is an total utter pig, to send you this, not one second he thinks of you.

#31 Oct 13 - 9PM

jaycee

ok for the last time

i asked if anyone would like to dissect this text. that is all, i explained what i thought it may or may not mean, i gave two examples of what i thought he was up to in this text and why he would send such a long, deep, oh my God, text, yes he sends texts but not in this length or depth, so for the last time, i was asking what someone elses take is on it, but if you dont want to just answer it, that is fine , im not going in circles about it, i just happen to like other peoples views or perspectives, thats all. Jaycee

Jaycee

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