Before Your Next Spin, Please Consider This!... Or: So, You Think YOU'RE A Mess?

I know this info is not new to you, and some of this I've said before, but if you would let some of this really sink in, you would not be spinning, but rejoicing.

For me, part of why he was hard to shake (and why he stayed in my head for too long) was that I kept thinking that I 'lost' a really good man. I still wasn't 'getting it'- even though I was devouring books and articles about personality disorders.

And then it hit me.

I THINK I HAVE PROBLEMS? I mean, we all have issues, quirks, and DEFECTS of character (it's what makes us interesting!) -oh, and low-to-luke-warm self-esteem.

BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE A 'SELF'!

Imagine a 'self-esteem' SO LOW that there IS NO SELF.(And WE think WE have 'issues'!) So much has been written about the Narcs need to CREATE a 'Self' (false self), to FAKE a 'Personalilty' or person-hood. They are MORE than just 'broken people' or people with 'broken selves'- they truly lack what it takes to be FULLY HUMAN! You know, with a range of 'messy' emotions and a fully-functioning conscience! (We really give them FAR too much credit- and POWER!) Can you even IMAGINE not having an identity?

Seriously. Let that sink in for a minute.

Okay. The experts say it better. Here is one of many articles on that subject:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201111/behind...

And this is an excerpt from the book, "Why Is It Always About You?" by Sandy Hotchkiss. On page 121, she writes:

"Narcissists are people who never learned to make it on their own. Except for their fantasies of perfection, envy of others who have what they lack, and unacknowledged fears of humiliation, they are empty on the inside. They have no real self to bring to a relationship with another person, but they desperately need someone else to join them in their emptiness and help them maintain emotional equilibrium..."

(Read more here: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/06/14/still-missing-mr-narc-still-b... )

See? They have "NO REAL SELF to bring to a relationship"- they are empty, needy, hollow people. Yet WE STILL ACT as though we lost something of value- that HE was 'The One That Got Away'!

If we learned nothing else from our Narc-Encounter, at least we can now feel (and have a renewed sense of GRATITUDE for) our humanity: WE know how to love, to be real, to feel a FULL range of emotions- to be altruistic, at times, and at other times, a little selfish...But the point is: we have choices!

The NarcoPath is STUCK being his deranged and disordered self!...

Please go forward today in that awareness AND gratitude. I will seriously SLAP any of you who post the words, "Help" or "Spinning"!