HELP....He's Baaaack!

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#1 Sep 12 - 6PM

Beachcolors

HELP....He's Baaaack!

So my N has made contact after two months of being gone and NC.

Get this....he is saying that since his mother dies in June he has been doing some soul searching and thinking a lot about his life.

He said
"you are the only one who really knows me"

"you are the only person aside from my mother who loved me unconditionally"

"i now know that im better with, being with you makes my life better"

"your the only person I truly trust"

"your the only women who hasn't tried to take anything from me"

"i haven't always been good to you but i have treated you better than any other women i've been with"

"i know i've hurt you but i always loved you"

"im ready to spend my life with you"

"im going to forgo the beach house so i can give you the home you want where we live"

"you make me want to be a better man"

This is why we stay at first. It's so hard to stay away from someone you have LOVED when they say things like this. GOD HELP ME!

#2 Sep 14 - 9PM

NanC (not verified)

They are soooo full of

They are soooo full of (literally shit!). My x N called Saturday, I didn't answer. I sent him a text with a "?". He calls again and I don't answer. I text him and say "What?" He calls me again and this time I answer (like a dumb ass!). I tell him my daughter is not with me so I have nothing to say to you. He starts to cry, literally bawling, and saying "why can't we get along?" Please, I'm begging you, please stop being sooo mean to me! I can't take it anymore!" ( I know I'm getting stronger because I was more disgusted than anything else with his stupid crying). I've learn, from this website and all of yall's wonder support that it is NOTHING BUT BULLSHIT and he's trying to blow smoke up my ass! (Excuse my language, but I am sick of this clown!). He tried that same crap on me. "If only you would have put your arm around me. All I wanted was for my baby to show me that she loved me!" I felt like telling him, "shut up stupid!" First of all, nothing is ever enough for you and second of all, don't call me "baby"! (That's what he calls his new gf!) Please, let's stop hurting for these worthless, pathetic men and women! They are not even worth wasting another SECOND of our time!!!Let's stop doubting ourselves by thinking, "maybe mine is different". They are not different, sister! They are all made from the same cloth!

#3 Sep 15 - 5PM (Reply to #38)

trueblue101

Well Said NanC

I suddenly feel very empowered by this response. NanC, good for you girl!!!!! It is always the same with them, all of them. I am so sick of wasting my time, energy and emotions on my ex-N. Even on his best day he wasn't good enough for me (and I have no doubt that the same goes for all of you).

#4 Sep 15 - 8AM (Reply to #37)

James (not verified)

IAmen to that!

Please, let's stop hurting for these worthless, pathetic men and women! They are not even worth wasting another SECOND of our time!!!Let's stop doubting ourselves by thinking, "maybe mine is different". They are not different, sister! They are all made from the same cloth! Amen to that Sister!!! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#5 Sep 14 - 10PM (Reply to #36)

Barbara (not verified)

never different

I hope you are keeping a journal of all calls, encounters, texts, ims or emails including date and time and what is said AND TAKE IT TO YOUR LAWYER!!! NanC - stuff like this is VITAL and needs documentation and you need to take it to your lawyer IMMEDIATELY! He hasn't called or seen her since he got her for her bday (of course, new gf in toll). My daughter tried to call him several times yesterday but wouldn't ever answer. Tonite he calls, I could hear his gf in the background and NOW he wants to talk to "his baby girl". He is such a show off! He is just using her to try to make himself look good. Your child is not a thing or an object - Narcs believe they are objects to be used to hurt or manipulate you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#6 Sep 14 - 6PM

Beachcolors

Thanks

Thanks for all of the feedback.....i know it's all psycho bullshit but it helps so much to get the benefit of support. Support from people who know what it's like is soooo helpful. It's so hard not to believe them but history really says it all.

#7 Sep 14 - 6PM (Reply to #25)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

UPDATE

So did you respond? If not has he tried to make anymore contact? How long were you able to go NC before he started with his crap?

#8 Sep 14 - 7PM (Reply to #26)

Beachcolors

I have ZERO intentions of going back

.......i had been NO CONTACT for over two months. We had one incident where he drove by my house, saw a truck in my driveway and then called me from a business....as i had him blocked from calling. I think he had always been trying to make contact beacuse I found out when his text made it through that my cell provided can only block numbers for a certain time.....he emailed me all of the declerations of love. I have spoken to him. I know it's dysfunctional but I wanted to hear him say all of those things. I wanted to for once hear the things I always wished he truly felt. Of course I know it was all lies. I told him that while he might feel this way right now it won't last. Just to f**k with him I told him that I understood why he was so in love with me but there was too much water under the bridge for me to come back. I told him that no one has ever loved me so much that they would give up their dream beach house. I told him that he had to let go of his obsession for me and move on with his life. I know it's playing with fire but I couldn't help myself....I love f**king with him! Now i will have to re-block him and add his new email to the block list also.

#9 Sep 14 - 7PM (Reply to #34)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

Do tell

Just out of curiousness what was his reply when you basically rejected him? I love that you had the opportunity...what I'd give for that, but right now...I'd actually go back! Yikes!

#10 Sep 14 - 7PM (Reply to #27)

thisisnotfun

I'm glad you feel good about

I'm glad you feel good about what you said. I know it must have felt wonderful. Yes, to get the last word...... I'm so proud of you. :)

#11 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #28)

Beachcolors

it did feel good and get this

So.....i just logged into my old email account and guess what! It showed my N on line and available to chat. Hummmm....this weekend he was ready to give up all other women to be with me. "Im past all that now" he said. Like he is having a chat about the weather......what a tool!

#12 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #30)

cupcake (not verified)

Beachcolors!

??? So guys am I right in thinking that when they are caught/exposed they go into best behavior and hiding for a while. They they just revert back to their normal pyscho evil selves when they feel comfortable again?

#13 Sep 14 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

Barbara (not verified)

into hiding

always... BUT do not hold your breath - I have seen some go into 'Pretend Guy' mode for a few years before the real them comes back. that's why I tell EVERYONE to put them on the exposure sites I keep listing - they can go into hiding for a LONG time if they're scared enough about being busted and need to do so. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#14 Sep 14 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

thisisnotfun

I believe so. With

I believe so. With everything I have read, they don't remember what they say or do. I used to text back or email back everything N said to me. I told him, you don't remember what you say. I also told him, say what you mean and mean what you say....He would get so pissed off.... and disappear for days....

#15 Sep 14 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

Beachcolors

Totally agree

I totally agree that they are only on their best behavior when the want something. As soon as they feel a little comfortable with the thought that they can still manipulate you they can't keep up the nice guy routine. If you try to point out something contridictory to my N he launches into this quasi language where he talks and talks without saying one damn thing. He like to use the phrase "you don't understand reality". As f**king if! Well, tonight we can go to bed and rest assured that the one thing we know is true is that they will never change. It's a comfort to know that we know that we KNOW they will never change. What a release!

#16 Sep 14 - 8PM (Reply to #29)

thisisnotfun

Gosh, I know the feeling.

Gosh, I know the feeling. My N was always on Match chatting with women but would tell me I was the only one for him. What jerks......... I pity the ladies that date them. Stay strong and know you got the last word.....

#17 Sep 13 - 7PM

Carolyn

ask him to put the beach

ask him to put the beach house in your name only-as a sign of his good faith. I bet he disappears again. he is playing on your heart strings a song of his sorrow and as soon as you get near again he will harm you emotionally. the line that he treated you better than the other women he abused is a really scary commentary on what he thinks will work to get you back. Stay away unless you get the beach house of course!

#18 Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #23)

Barbara (not verified)

doesn't matter

a beach house a mansion a Mazeratti 100 million dollars NONE of these things could get me to have willing contact with a pathological man ever again. How could a pathological put a woman in a trance state without her realizing it? Inducing a trance is nothing more than helping someone get focused. There are many â€œwaysâ€ to go into a trance, so inducing trance in someone else is not that difficult. Since trance is nothing more than intense focus, the pathological with all the intensity he has inserted in the beginning of the relationship can easily use the intensity to encourage hyperfocus. The enormous amount of time he is spending with her allows him to get her to hyperfocus on â€œthem.â€ A pathological does not have to understand the mechanics of trance. He is a master of watching what works and doesnâ€™t work in controlling others. Stumbling across â€œintensityâ€ in a relationship is all he needs to get to work using it to his advantage. Neuro Linguistic Programming which is a â€œcousinâ€ to formal hypnosis, induces trance by preoccupying the ego with statements like, â€œYouâ€™re so wonderful and beautifulâ€ and then targeting other messages straight to the unconscious mind through short story telling. Pathologicals are master storytellers â€” inducing her belief system in his virtues while she is in a trance state. Sandra Brown, MA - Women Who Love Psychopaths Beachcolors - NO CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#19 Sep 13 - 1PM

Beachcolors

Funny trend....

OMG...it does seems that many are "back" at the same time. They must be on the same lunar cycle! Wow...it's so hard not to buy into this crap. Oh, if only it was even a tad bit true but i know it's not. Damn him, he's so good at this. I have to keep myself together this time. Malfunctioning robots is the funniest thing ive heard all day!

#20 Sep 13 - 4PM (Reply to #20)

James (not verified)

They must be on the same

They must be on the same lunar cycle! Somewhere it was questioned about the cycle of the seasons and how their dysfunctional relationships and D&D were affected by the seasons. Well, summer is almost over and weather will soon be here! I wonder if that has anything to do with all these attempts to reconnect? Remember the children's story about how some creatures will work all summer long and store up for the long weather ahead but how some lazy creatures didn't. We all know what creature survived the long cold weather months and those that didn't... http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#21 Sep 14 - 3AM (Reply to #21)

Scoop

Yep James its the onset of

Yep James its the onset of winter .Mine even said in his "do you want my knob back or not "email that "you have been round long enough to know what happens this time of year ". It is a serious test for all of us . Its kind of sickening that we get dumped for the summer and while i have been crying my eyes out he has been running around having a ball ,i supose his heating isnt working very well and he needs something warm next to him , he does in fact need a plumber . Peru x

#22 Sep 13 - 7AM

baddream

Predictable--they are all malfunctioning preprogrammed robots.

I've been reading all the posts on this thread and been following some of your stories.. Now isn't it interesting that we have so much in common? We have been NC for weeks or months, part of us relieved to have him gone, the other part missing him.. Suddenly they are reappearing....Not just one, but it is happening to many of us. They are making contact and trying to get supply from us again. It feels good and bad at the same time, right? Seems to me their behavior is predictable and pathological. They are all doing and saying almost the exactly same thing. Like a bunch of malfunctioning robots. We can predict what will happen next if we respond to his overtures. The robot will turn us into their whores and then put us out and destroy us..Let's not let it happen again. The robot must die!

#23 Sep 13 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

Monica

Malfunctioning robots....I love it!

Baddream...I love this description of our N's..."malfunctioning robots." OMG, that is priceless and such an appropriate description. And yes, you are right, they turn us into their whores and then put us out and destroy us...over and over and over again. If they are the malfunctioning robots then we need to be The Terminators. Move over, Arnold....

#24 Sep 13 - 4AM

Rose-Marie (not verified)

... and another thing

N2 made many promises, even before the D & D. We would do this together, we would do that together, he would give me this, he would give me that... It was all empty talk. We never did any of it. Once he got used to my presence, it was downhill all the way. Rosy

#25 Sep 13 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Monica

Empty promises

I could fill a book with all the empty promises my N made to me. Never came through on a single one. Not one. All talk. All B.S. A total coward and loser. Like Madea said, "What was I thinking??!!" "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Talk is cheap. So was my N. And, yes, once they get used to you and find another source of supply, it is all downhill from there.

#26 Sep 13 - 4AM

Rose-Marie (not verified)

I and Me

Notice how many times the words "Me" and "I" come up in these statements. These are HUGE red flags. He is asking you to pander to his needs to make HIM feel better. What about you? Where are your needs in these statements? I read about this somewhere and believe me, these statements are red flags of the self-absorbed of the first order. Rosy

#27 Sep 12 - 10PM

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

He's probably saying all

He's probably saying all that stuff cuz he's freaking out that you never responded to that odd picture message he sent the other day! Be strong girl. I know it has to be incredibly difficult I havent even been able to go NC with my husband for more than 13 days!

#28 Sep 12 - 9PM

Beachcolors

Thanks guys

Thanks for all the advise....i know that it's just him pulling out the bigger guns to get me back in the cycle. It just hurts so much beacuse these things are what i've laid in bed wishing he would say (and mean) and now that he has i have keep pushing him out of my life. James....as much as i've loved him and even though that did bring me a lot of joy i wish i would have never met him.

#29 Sep 12 - 9PM

cynthia (not verified)

so the worm comes crawling back?

YOUR THE ONLY WOMAN huh with a whole list of things? I am trying to put myself in your place now, I think I would say to mine, and YOUR THE ONLY PSYCHOPATH I have ever encountered in my life that nearly destroyed me, being with you made my life HELL, your the only person I NEVER TRUSTED, your the only man who tried to take EVERYTHING from me, the only man who made me feel and treated me like a whore, and I will never be ready to spend the rest of my life with you. Wouldnt you love to say those things? BUT DONT, as Barbara said, NO CONTACT but I want you to think about those things because that is the truth. If you have the book Women who love Psychopaths, READ IT AGAIN from cover to cover, read again about their permanent deformity and know they ARE NOT CAPABLE of doing any of the things he said to you. My counselor would always say to me, Go ahead Cynthia call him back, go back to more damage or you can hold fast to what you know the truth is. They are just words, hold fast to his ACTIONS, they talk to talk but not the walk as the old saying goes, they are empty words to get you under his spell again. The choice is yours, personally I would probably cry hard for about an hour knowing it was all bullshit and wishing it wasnt, dont let him do anymore damage than he already has done, dont allow anyone to do that to you ever again, stay strong.

#30 Sep 12 - 9PM (Reply to #11)

Beachcolors

so right

Cynthia....your dead on. He is the only man that made my life hell and tried to take my life from me. Part of me LOVED the things he said but no so deep down i know that that it's not really me that he wants. He wants my soul.....on a silver platter.

#31 Sep 12 - 8PM

James (not verified)

So sorry by I too remember

So sorry but I too remember these lines from my ex too when she came back begging for that second chance. As we all know I did give it to her and just guess where I landed 17 years later? I do like this board and all the members here, but truly I wish to my God, I never heard the word Personality Disorder... http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

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