7 days NC- !!! He's just made contact!!
7 days NC- !!! He's just made contact!!
And the 'worst' thing about this is, that whilst I ended it last Tuesday evening. I ended it, I reclaimed my sense of choice and control over me and my life, and yet, his failure to contact me makes me feel so D&D, even though I ENDED IT.
It's like the space of this past week has allowed all the warning signs that I disavowed throughout the relationship to glare mercilessly in technicolour flashback, screaming at me 'Do you now see just how horrendous being with this man actually was Liberty!!!!!'
This is positive, but it hurts so much. Thanks to you all I have transcended the moment 24 hours ago of internalising his shame and persecution around this and instead detaching myself and striving to thank this process of grief for healing me and making me stronger in spite of the pain.
The tears are falling less in the past 24 hours (first night I didn't cry myself to sleep) I am feeling anger more consistently and beginning to realise that I am focusing more on me, my future and his 'appearance' in my mind's eye is becoming less powerful, more 'flimsy' reflecting the flimsy and pathetic illusion of a man he was. I feel less afraid of his image and as Marie and Peru have said recently, and beginning to sense that in time, he will fade and so too will I eventually feel nothing.
I can taste psychic freedom....
I couldn't be going through this and winning without you all.
Thank you so so much.
Have a good day,
Liberty from London, UK
xx
[4 hours subsequent to this post]: I have just received this text message from him:
'Hey Liberty. I don't want to lose you.'
I am not afraid as we live in different parts of Europe.
What is he actually saying?
Oh Lord, I do feel afraid not of him, but of the feelings now present. I can only say this to you guys, for I know you won't judge me,hope you won't hate me for sharing the feeling, but, (saying this in whisper) 'I'm glad he contacted me'... Oh God I've said it.
Suddenly feel weak.
Liberty
xx
Thoughts after his contact.
to add to the hoovering....
time_to_move_on
I messed up...
I probably would have texted him back too, don't feel bad
seekingPeace
Guess what my ex made contact today lol
it's fine but NO MORE CONTACT
Its ok we have all messed up
Its ok we have all messed up
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Peru
Weather you reply positive
I always like hearing thanks
Heartfelt thanks and gratitude to you Dear B...
Liberty
Liberty--just made contact
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calamity gina
calamity gina apologizes
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calamity gina
thank you
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My Blog
Ok forget my last post i
Liberty - NC
How did he make contact and
I know that my exN is now
mommies boys