I'm even embarrassed to admit this....but it hurts...

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#1 Aug 18 - 7PM

Sunafterrain

I'm even embarrassed to admit this....but it hurts...

I'm having yet another struggle today. Please be forewarned, I don't want to share this and have anyone triggered. Hunter, you're going to be hardcore, not sure what i need right now....

I'm having a horrible time with cog/dis and sorrow eight months out. It's like i didn't grieve this in the beginning the way I am right now, particularly finding out he's newly married and having seen a picture of his new wife.

I appreciate a beautiful woman (NO I AM NOT GAY), I just can acknowledge beauty in other women. My ex knew this.

Anyway, one of his first targets that I found out about, was from a high school reunion. I could see him trying to morph into her, her interests and such. She was a credit consultant and had her own successful business and I knew ex was heavily in debt. When I found out about his going to another state to date her and that he had been love bombing her for two months prior and right after the reunion (I saw the reunion pics on facebook and confronted him), I contacted her. She had no idea about me. when I confronted him about it, I was out at his house. When I said, "oh this makes sense because she's a credit consultant!" he laughed (this was before he went to see her) Then he asked if he should try sushi....something she had written on her fb wall about. Bastard.

I said to him, "she is quite pretty, but a little overweight...you've mentioned you don't like overweight women, must be about the money!" He laughed again.......

FF, the same lies he told me, he told her too. After I told her, she knew was basically confirmed as to what he was all about. She was involved with someone else, but that didn't stop him. He kept trying, then she ignored him after that. I never spoke to her again.

I knew it was money he was after. With all of his debt, wanting new furniture and to remodel his house, I knew...paying mounds in child support and having lost over half his retirement in the divorce, but okay doing that because he still maintained control in keeping his kids in a joint custody arrangement. First wife wanted out so bad, she would give him whatever he asked for.

His new wife is very beautiful and very young. She is "full figured". He told me he wouldn't be attracted to the first target (the one I talked too) because, "Babe, you know I don't do fat chicks". Half an hour later it was "I heard from all of my guy friends that fat chicks are better in bed".

I'll never forget that. I believed he liked my body, as he NEVER complained (until the very end- I was flabby and I'm SKINNY AS A RAIL), but seeing her...

It isn't about her body. It's about his lies. Now I feel incredibly unattractive. Fat chicks are better in bed? After ten years of giving him EVERYTHING he wanted in bed, until the end when I didn't want to be an "Object" anymore?

Now I'm embarrassed about my body. I feel everything he said about how much he enjoyed me was a fucking LIE. I'm so self conscious now, I feel so ugly. TOO THIN. Now I wish I had weight? That I was "FULL FIGURED"?

Two of my daughters are way overweight and they are very beautiful. I love them so much. I have friends that are overweight or full figured and they are beautiful too...just looking at them....their faces are so beautiful...as are their hearts.......

I'm destroyed by this, now realizing what happened. Its bad to be thin now and I can't help what my body looks like. I almost wish I was heavier. Would he have loved me if I was. Gee, would I be "better in bed" if I was?

I'm sorry, I'm in such a bad place right now, reality is overwhelming....

Where I once felt confident about the way I look, now I don't want to be seen.

I never thought I would hate being thin. Ever.

I hate my body. And I hate myself.

He lied to me about it. All of it.

Never in my life did I ever wish I was heavier and had money.

I know, it's nuts.........but he destroyed me. Through and through.......

I hate myself. Thoroughly. Even the way I look now.

when before I met him....I was comfortable with myself.

#2 Aug 19 - 10AM

Sunafterrain

I just wanted to say thank you....

For being there for me. Since I found out about NW, I've been in the worst pain. Maybe it's a good thing I found out about it because it brought forth the major grieving, with crying and anger, that I"ve needed to get out but have held back. Your advice and encouragement helps me soooo much to know that what I experienced and am experiencing will be a thing of the past. I can see healing coming, but it's going to take awhile. I think finding all of this out, just pushed me forward, even while painful. I appreciate everyone's input and am hoping for a better future ahead. I could feel the pain of some of you here, that have recently experienced this. Funny, how it all seems the same... I know there will be bad days, and I'm grateful that you were all there for me last night. I'm soon off to the therapist this morning and am looking forward to this session very much. Ya know one of the things I'm most grateful for when I think of him now, is that i don't have to change my entire persona to fake someone out for money or anything else I need/want. I'd rather be just where I am at in this life, with the ability to love and to feel. Thank you all again. I'm so so so grateful.

#3 Aug 19 - 11AM (Reply to #35)

spinning

Sun, how nice to hear this

from you! Great work processing this! You are on the path to healing and to thriving and finding yourself again. It's HIS LOSS!!!! You are strong, attractive, beautiful, nice, honest and fun to be around. Focus on these things. Sun, lots of women would LOVE to be naturally thin! I bet clothes look great on you! I bet there isn't any style you can't wear because of your hot, thin figure! There's nothing wrong with it! It's summer time and you can show it off! Why not try it? What you focus on becomes your reality. Who cares about whatever his next VICTIM looks like. You know what she's in for and I'm personally so glad it's not YOU! In his eyes she's a toaster, an appliance. Yuck! Who needs that??? Sun, I'm so pleased you are feeling better and really trying to get through the hard, hard part. Please consider all of your good qualities and focus on what you KNOW about yourself rather than the TRASH he tried to push into your head. Love and hugs and good vibes for continued strength and clarity from, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF. THE SICK FREAK ISN'T WORTH ANOTHER MOMENT OF MY TIME.

spinning

#4 Aug 19 - 11AM (Reply to #36)

Sunafterrain

Spinning...

I'll get there, but now comes the really fun painful part...processing all of this in therapy. Thank you for your encouragement. :)

#5 Aug 19 - 9AM

Layla

You did a SERVICE to the forum here with this post!!!

See? Bet you didn't think you would be helping an entire group of people trying to find their way but you did......I read through all the posts here, and amazingly enough, all of us beautiful women are entirely DIFFERENT, but we were all treated the SAME EXACT WAY! Imagine that??! See? These psychopaths really are all the same!!! It's NOT us, IT'S THEM!!! Great thread!

#6 Aug 19 - 9AM

BadaBing

Sun

I feel like you and I are in the same place grief wise and I really feel your pain when reading your post. I really do understand your feelings and conflict, and I have struggled with the same things but not regarding weight in regards to sex. There really is no real pleasing them or making them happy on a long term basis simply because they get off on hurting us, raising the bar and enjoy seeing us try and attempt to please them, all the while he is planning on something else. It is so painful but given enough time and education I think we will get through this and come to see that we were never lacking or not good enough, we just tried to love someone that is not capable of healthy and giving responses. WE are good enough and we are worthy I just made the mistake of thinking he was.

#7 Aug 19 - 11AM (Reply to #32)

Sunafterrain

Bada

I struggle with the sex part of it too. Quite a bit. The things he said and did toward the end, nearly destroyed me sexually, as well as in other ways. One of the last times I was in bed with him, he said to me, "What do women like in bed?" I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it. After ten years giving my ALL to him sexually, anything he wanted, rarely being pleased myself, and he had to ask that???? There is soooo much to process. Who the hell asks a question like that? I felt like he asked it to hurt me. what man doesn't know what women want in bed. I kept telling him and he'd never do it, except towards the end, by then I was so done with him, I didn't want him doing anything to me. It felt like he was "testing" me out, object wise, preparing for the next one. He also wanted more deviant stuff. I'm not prude, but I just couldn't do it. I felt that seed was planted in my head, as if I wasn't good enough to be GIVEN TOO< but he was going to make damned sure he pleased the next one! Being left with the visuals of that with the new victim, is excrutiating for me. I don't know what your experiences are/were Bada, but sexual abuse is very painful, no matter what form it comes in, with words or with actions and I experienced them both.

#8 Aug 19 - 7AM

Soldier Girl

Sunaffterrain

You know they are A sexual right ? They target what they want if there motive was money for example and they met a gay man with money they will even change teams And a lot of Narcassits are moving into the gay community for that reason alone black white brown bi straight Young old big small man women whatever it's not personal but I know it feels personal . Big hugs X S

#9 Aug 19 - 12AM

Caligirl

Sun

Your post just breaks my heart. I was exactly in your shoes a couple of months ago, after leaving my exN! I had CD so bad. There is so much good advice here, especially Hunter's post below, so I hope I don't repeat, but wanted to share my experience. When I was with my exN, I couldn't figure out what he wanted in a woman. I am 5'5", 115 lbs, attractive, long brown straight hair, and yet I thought I wasn't attractive. Never before had I felt this way. I wanted to be overweight! I would look at large women and some extremely overweight and think if I had been overweight maybe he'd have not d&d'd me. I knew his 1st wife was overweight bc she is on his FB, and his son told me. Then I saw pics of his 2nd wife. She was bigger than 1st! I think almost 300 lbs by the looks of it and kind of homely, steel-rimmed glasses, a mullet, oversized t-shirt. When I asked him about it, he snapped, was mean, tried to say she was 145 when they married. NOT, I knew was a lie, had found a wedding pic. She was huge wearing a blue cocktail dress. Third wife is overweight now, but she may have been about 150-160 before. My exN and I never resolved the fight we had regarding his 2nd wife where I was criticized and called names, condemned that I was shallow, etc. I kept trying to figure things out. Yes, I had heard the better in bed theory. Later, a couple friends said, due to lower self-esteem, they're easier to dominate. His 1st wife said he dominated her. Sorry to any of you full-figured sisters here. Another male friend of mine said it was the only women who'd put up with him. Even his son told me that large women aren't as strong, and I was strong bc thinner women are. My exN said he had been with all kinds of women, and in the end, he was ranting about beautiful women he's dated. I felt very insecure with him bc I could not figure this out. It took awhile before the fog cleared. I am honestly happy with my body once again. I don't look with envy on plus-size women. We're all women and have things we wish we could improve on, but I'm thin and that isn't going to change. I walk almost everyday and it's more about being healthy than looking good. Just know that it will get better. It wasn't about us, it's about them, their disorder. It's about who they can use, what they can get. They see women as objects. As long as they are getting supply, they really don't care. There is no sense with the narcissist psychopath which I think mine was. Btw, the pic of mine with 2nd wife (marriage was only 4 years), she is just all over him adoring him like a love sick puppy. It was sickening. I found out he has already discarded two more OW's, defriended from FB, one was asian and skinny, the other was hefty. He told me he discards women, calls them names, chases them off. One woman he was dating when he knew me, we broke up sort of, he said he told her to f off by email, called her a b!tch, and never contact him. After I left, she was posting flirty profile pics on FB (I know I peeked), when before she never posted a pic of herself. Now, she's gone. He told me he never looks back with women, but obviously he does, and he friended and defriended them in like two months. I just mainly wanted to say hang in there, and it WILL get better bc I was there. Time N/C was what did it for me, and probably exercise and massages helped. Your self-love and self-esteem will grow, just give it a little time. (((Hugs)))

#10 Aug 19 - 12AM (Reply to #28)

Sunafterrain

Cali

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Everyone's experiences with their N's this way, helps so much. I've been contemplating it for a long time. I really can't afford it, but for me, I'm going to join a gym just up the street. Contemplation for months. I hate my body. I hate looking in the mirror. I see a tired old hag. I hope joining and getting into shape helps. If nothing more for the exercise and self esteem. Just in sharing.......a few months ago, my daughters and I watched a video of one of their brothers birthday parties (I have six children), and my daughter said, "Mama, you were SO beautiful!". It was the were that killed me. Ironically, it was the same time that N and I became intimate..... I watched that video in amazement. I don't know that woman anymore. she is so distant. Who is she? I don't look like that anymore. He destroyed it. Oh and by the way peoples? Yea, he was the WORST alcoholic ever. She's not. now he's into "healthy living" when he was into the best wines. I became alcoholic with him, and stopped when I was getting out of the relationship. I've struggled with it on and off since, as a coping skill. It doesn't work. Healthy living? REALLY? SO he stopped being alcoholic?> What a fucking PRICK!

#11 Aug 19 - 1AM (Reply to #29)

Caligirl

Yes, the gym is just the ticket

You will feel healthy and stronger, just the thing to boost your self-esteem. You will be feeling like the woman in the video your kids say is beautiful again. I'm sure you still are, but it's just your self-esteem took a big hit. It's what they do. Mine had never been so rock bottom. It will get better. I went to the horse races today, wore a black dress and big, white and black hat. I got compliments on the hat, and I almost didn't wear it. Once you are feeling better, you will experiment and take more wardrobe risks. I have lately, and it's fun and boosts your confidence! As for your N and "healthy-living." He'll probably go back to drinking. These N's lie. It's b/s. He'll go back to his old habits. I wouldn't listen to a word. Just take care of yourself. Success is the best revenge. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if the next man you land is a hunk, not a 5'2" assclown with a gut, bc you are going to be looking and feeling fine!!

#12 Aug 18 - 11PM

twisted

Of all the mind numbing

Of all the mind numbing things a narc puts us through..this might be one of the worst. They murder our self esteem. They make us believe that we are never good enough...if only we were this or that, that would be the magical answer. NO. There is no magical answer because there is no pleasing a narc. They are impossible to satisfy, and you see it's a very common theme - they claim they want one thing and then act on another. They switch around their words so that you are left constantly guessing at what they want - THEY don't even know themselves! If they get what they claim to want, they will then raise the bar again and again, making it an unreachable standard. They strip down your self esteem to the point where you can't even see straight! I'm brunette, and mine claimed for 7 years while he was with me that he hated blondes. And now the OW is as blonde as blonde could be. And when I questioned him on that? He said (in classic narc fashion) 'I never said that. I just like beauty." BAARF. He complained I never wore skirts. So I wore skirts. Then I had to change my hair. Then I had to wear certain earrings. It was always something. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't believe that you are not good enough, or that you could have done anything different and had a different result. He would have found something regardless. And, he will do it to her too. He will find something.

#13 Aug 19 - 12AM (Reply to #25)

Sunafterrain

Twisted

sounds like something my narc would have said too....... His first ex wife was blonde, short and cute! second ex wife, was about five six, brunette and had a beautiful body! Me? Five five, blonde and thin, blue eyes New wife? Full figured, brunette, brown eyes...beautiful. Hmmmmmm.........what she has that none of the rest did at this stage in his life? Money. that's it. Money. And I knew he was willing to be whatever for whomever, to have it. Jackpot.

#14 Aug 19 - 1AM (Reply to #26)

Done sourcing

He has had three wives, all

He has had three wives, all pretty...he can walk down the aisle, looking for his next victim...they seem to keep their options open, because they only appear to commit...but what are they really up to??? The correct answer is who the hell really cares...they are gone...that is good news...you can get over this...Do you wish you had more money so that he could come back and spend it??? Would he then love you and be normal???You can put pretty paper and a nice bow on an empty box, and you have a present that looks nice and has no substance! What we thought we had was an illusion. What we all have in common is that halloween is over and the masks are gone. ds

#15 Aug 18 - 11PM (Reply to #22)

Sunafterrain

She is SO beautiful

How could he find fault in her? She is the PERFECT catch. Stunning. In every way. Yea, I feel like shit. I wish I looked like HER. That makes me angry! NEVER in my life have I wished to have a few extra pounds, be catholic and have millions. Shit! How could she EVER not be good enough? He got the jackpot. He seriously did. And given what he looks like and who he is, it is unbelievable. He must be feel REAL powerful about now........while he's indulging himself in investments left and right. BASTARD!

#16 Aug 19 - 2AM (Reply to #24)

freaked

sunafterrain

I felt I should intervene here and bark at you to stop it stop it stop it... sweet girl.. only after reading your post..i got my LightBulb moment just now..and think it is my honored duty to share it with you.. I TOO continuously thought I was shabby and OW (fat,short,acne faced divorcee) must be the Most Gorgeous Beauty on earth...and that Madonna and Jaqueline Bisset would curl up in shame because of their lack of beauty in comparison to this new OW.. and then.... i read and re-read and re-read your Post.. Dear Sun, I will feel so relieved the moment you can catch this Light Bulb Moment I am sending across to with my most affectionate wishes...all the way from...ahemmm..this socially backward land .. In a lighter vein..I noticed there is a Pattern in your narc's choice of victim...first blonde, then brunette, then blonde, again brunette... awww.. every Narc has a personal pattern, they have to be 'unique'.. like a tiger's stripes. Please PM me and rant away if it would help you in some way.. EVERYONE on this Forum has been of unique help in my journey.. and I will do all I can to be of help to everyone here. Hugs and love PS: and to not sound narcissistic myself...i happened to be a truly striking beauty when the narc crossed my path and married me. Till 5 months ago..i had still looked so youthful..but this Discovery of Truth has gone and riddled me with terror...and in 5 months i have aged 20 years. Sunafterrain... i do hope you have friends and relatives who you can chat with?? I have nobody..makes my journey that much more difficult.. Have to give special thanks to: Lisa Goldie Scoop 58 and going strong Arwen Hunter Sparrow for responding to my loneliness with such warm affectionate words.. You all rock..and today I am Alive ..because of your support dear Friends and Fellow Victims

#17 Aug 19 - 12AM (Reply to #23)

Caligirl

Sun

Nobody is perfect and money can't make you happy. If she is overweight than she doesn't have the perfect body, although maybe she is happy with it, and well, confidence is attractive. Sorry, but true, so I'm working on that! It is like twisted said, he will find something wrong, whether it's the way she clears her throat, chews her food, loses her keys. I mean there is just no pleasing them. Now, he's her problem though, and you are free of the impossible-to-please narc! Yep, you dodged a bullet.

#18 Aug 18 - 10PM

Hunter

Sun

I was just about to go to be and I checked in. GRRRRR! Look this is what they do. Idealize, devalue,discard. They take us as low as they can. I could never understand what my Narced liked in a woman. I'm an attractive tall brunette. Clearly you know my personality.He's a short bald little F&^K. He was engaged to an asian girl, the OW is Asian and another OW is a tub of lard. 20 years ago the OW was a short dumpy blond. She is still around. I think this particular blond always gets my sloppy seconds :) Point here, is looks, are moot to a narc. Its about using and abusing who's in the line of fire. Personally you dogged a bullet. This chick is so screwed. just sit back eat the popcorn, heal,soon you will see. Screw him, your hot, he's not and neither is his chubby chick. Here a little food for thought. Im not 100% better, Shit he did and says goes through my head all day long. I don't like to talk about it anymore because its waste of time in healing. But for your all of you Im no different than you, I just refuse to let him take over my life. one day he will be gone for good. Anyway, he would call me 10 times a day, of course I was so in love with him i would answer every call. (this makes me sad to even type this) He'd say "HELLO THERE" I'd respond " Hi my love" :( at one point i said "this is getting a little silly" and he said "no i love that" Yeah and D&D time " you thought we were having a relationship" . My point, not sure I just need to show you we are all human and All walking in the same shoes. It just takes time. Married to chubby, Doesn't matter, he's a narc and he wont change. Hunter

#19 Aug 18 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

Sunafterrain

Hunter

Mine is five foot two. Big huge flashy smile. Sexy baritone voice.....but receding hairline...and a tummy for sure that he hides....from the back, naked, he looks like a frog.... everyone I know thinks he's ugly as shit. That his smile is plastic and fake. to me, he was gorgeous. Gorgeous. I want to be over this. NOW.

#20 Aug 18 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

Sunafterrain

Hunter

I see what you're saying But what hurts, hurts. Denying that it does is worse. I can tell you that admitting the pain, is better than keeping it inside. It sucks. it does. But what hurts, hurts. And it feels better to express it, and have others input to put me back on the right track, then keep this shit swirling in my head. we are all walking in the same shoes, Chica. Yea, married to chubby...but she is beautiful and pregnant. Something I wanted with him that was never given. Hurt hurt hurt....... I know I'm close. Someday, it won't hurt so much. But right now, it does. Bastard!

#21 Aug 18 - 10PM

SoaperGirl

He probably did like your body

Sounds to me like that narc was playing games with your mind. Keep in mind narcs have a tremendous need to be envied. I have come to the conclusion this is one sick narcissistic society we live in (which I kind of think where narcs get a lot of their values from.) If you'd been fat, he would have been touting the beauty of skinny women - they play upon our insecurities. They know our weaknesses. As an obese woman myself, I live in a society that worships tall, thin women who look like fashion models. Not me at all! Maybe it's no wonder I find it so hard to think well of myself. I'd love to give away some of my flab! I'm short, blonde, obese, age 62 and starting to get gray haired. Nobody will ever put me on a magazine cover. My point is, no matter what you look like, narcs will find a way to make you feel bad about yourself, make you feel not good enough, inferior as that's what they do! They get off on it! They are fake! It's not you,. it's them! I'd love to have a tall, thein body,but it's not gonna happen, not in this life time. Best thing for you to? Well, here it comes: REJECT CRITICISMS AIMED AT YOU! Your self-worth is within your grasp. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS! Accept and love yourself as the beautiful person you are right now!

#22 Aug 18 - 11PM (Reply to #17)

Sunafterrain

Soaper

awesome post. truly :)

#23 Aug 18 - 10PM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

Soapergirl

Great Answer!! I think you are gorgeous !! We all are. Hunter

#24 Aug 18 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

Sunafterrain

Soaper

I've never met any of you in person, never seen a pic, but your hearts speak volumes. I guess that's why our psychopaths chose us, right? I've always been thin, exception when I gained almost a hundred pounds with my second child. Took me six months to lose the weight, but I got my metabolism from my mother. Even when she was dying of cancer, she still maintained her lovely figure and was beautiful....without hair even! Through all her chemo.....she was still beautiful....... I've NEVER questioned, EVER, how I looked until he was out hunting again and hit me in a place that I never thought he would. I thought he liked my body, only to find I wasn't heavy enough. At the time, I looked not at what the woman he was targeting looked like, but pissed at the reasons why, and what he was telling himself to make it okay....she had money, lots of it. I ruined that target for him by contacting her. But this one, well, he hit the jackpot. She has millions, she is young, has young children, is very beautiful...and now pregnant with his child... I've never had issues with men I've been with, finding other women attractive, full figured or not...I would oftentimes agree. My ex P hubby did this to me too...with my ex best friend...she was VERY beautiful...her face, beautiful smile, fun to be around...so he told me when he left me and was with her for a few months "I see past the fat, K, it's about what she can offer me". No words spoken were ever so true. And since then, because I'm in the know with her, he has beat her to a pulp, put her down, threw her self esteem into a perpetual hell... I went and visited her recently. She is missing teeth. Heavier than she was. I was so shocked, but immediately saddened........so very very sad, because that is what these men do.........she said to me recently "He has compared me to you soooo many times" Go figure. what a bastard. They're all bastards!

#25 Aug 19 - 4AM (Reply to #15)

OneoftheEXs

It's his justification....

Sun, I'm sorry you had to feel this way.... i have been there. he met me when I was skinny but still compared me to his ex for other things to make me feel bad and to make me feel the ex was better than me, when I gained 25 pounds while I was with him (self esteem just plummeted), he still looked at other women for other things and wished I was thinner. He's never happy about just me and that really destroyed me too. You are beautiful regardless of your weight, I can see it in how you express what's in your heart. But you know, he had to tell you that, he had to tell you that fat chicks are good in bed, if you were fuller and he met a new OW that is skinny, he would tell you he always thought skinny girls were pretty. It doesn't matter what you look like because he says that to JUSTIFY why he is not with you and with that OW. Everyone around you will say you are way better inside and out compared to the OW but that doesn't matter, he will still think of ways to make you feel like she is better, otherwise he will feel stupid for not making things work with you thus getting OW, and he can't be stupid because he is perfect. He needs to convince himself that he is doing the right thing and these are the reasons why.... I know how it feels like to feel insecure, I lost myself to my exN where friends didn't recognize me after 3 years - I stopped looking in the mirror. They have a way to make you feel inferior so you think they are better. It's really awful how they do this but since they don't have empathy, it's only a loss to you and your poor heart that aches for what he said. I have had a bad week for a single text he sends me, it is awful I know but we are all just trying to heal our hearts. Keep on writing and we will keep on reading, hopefully somehow we help to ease some of your pain.

#26 Aug 19 - 1AM (Reply to #14)

bakingfortherapy

Please sun....

Please, beautiful Sun.... Please take a deep breath. I hate what these bastards do to us- they make us question and doubt everything we are ----- that they once loved! They change what they want in a woman at a whim. It doesn't matter what "type" they claim. They are liars and users who want attention and supply. They will get supply anywhere!! As long as it is serving their purpose. Mine always loved thin redhaeds but is now with very short brunette. She is also very very sexy and a little whorey in dress and I am very old style and vintage flower sundress girl ... I have wondered ... If he likes that than what dud he ever see in me fir a decade??? The point is.... They want supply!!! You are beautiful. Do not let this bastard make you feel less than or not good enough! IT IS NOT YOU! It is him fulfilling supply!! I hate him fir making you feel thus way!!!

#27 Aug 18 - 9PM

Layla

Tall, thin and blonde.........

I am so glad Coffee brought up a great point...........you see, I am tall, thin & blonde too......I am 5'11" tall and all legs.......named after the song too! 41 years ago little Layla came into the world.....guess what? My abusive N husband hit on ANYTHING! He is an abusive alcoholic, and the smell of that alcohol on him made me sick...I was sexually abused by him as well.......my story will come soon, still trying to condense 8 years so someone will want to read it! Anyway, on to my point....one night I was sleeping and he came to bed completely off his rocker drunk and tried to make advances toward me....I was able to give him the bums rush successfully which was a rare thing so he left the house....turns out (I found this out 3 months later) he walked down the street to this totally white trash woman's house and was trying to have sex with her and told her "my wife won't have sex with me"....anyway, this completely trashy woman in all the worst ways told the WHOLE neighborhood- how HUMILATING!!!! These abusers are psychopaths THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US and they DON'T CARE WHO THEY HAVE SEX WITH!!!! It's disgusting!!! Our looks are of NO consequence but I know it HURTS! They are sick in the head we must never forget that! You have nothing to be embarrassed about...it's that freaking subtle brainwashing that they do, sometimes not so subtle...they ALL DO IT there is not one ounce of originality in these azzclowns- same ol' song and dance every single one of them!!! Guess what? You and me don't "size up" to a couple of psychopaths- YAY US!!!! love~ Layla

#28 Aug 18 - 9PM

Beach Dreamer

S-A-rain You are HURTING!

SAR Your N MESSED with your head..."RUN FOREST...RUN" All I could think of after reading your letter is Dr. Phil's famous line: HOW's that working for you? *BY the way :::All of us "Fluffy" woman out here,,,thank you- you have made our nights!! You are RUMINATING at a very high price. It's bad enough he kicked the shit out of you but now you are kicking what's left. And from the sounds of it...there not much left? *What does your weight have to do with anything? Please tell me. I run into men all the time, they think I am beautuful and tell me I need to lose 40lbs. One night a guy said that to me(note he was marriedN and hitting on me...but acted like a divorce could be emminent?? Blah, Blah, Blah) After he said it...He looked at me and said "Oh, I hope you don't think that 's shallow of me to say that to you???" I didn't say anything and waited and smiled...I said, "oh, well of course it isn't, AND I suppose if we started dating, you wouldn't mind if I checked out the size your penis first before we go out?" SHALLOW-SHALLOW-HEARTLESS NARCS This ass turned BEET red and was stunned at my response. And I felt GREAT! Because I recognized a N for the first time since my NC 2monthes ago. He wanted NOTHING to do with me after that...and believe me...I was FINE with it. I am only saying this because you might be looking at you body size and feeling bad...BUT IT'S your heart and soul and mind that this N messed with. The OW is just a PAWN to your N....it wouldn't matter what she looked like to him because he is after something. He is a PREDATOR who hit his new prey. NO MORE...NO MORE....don't let this man get any more of you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YOUR MAN DOESN't have a HEART. It's not about your size over someone elses?????? It's about his ILLNESS, HIS SELFISHNESS, it's about GETTING TO YOU....it's about him making you sick. Sick of yourself...stand back and look at this for what it is. You are in a very sad place, you are hurting so desperately. I feel very sorry that you are. Reading/listening to YouTube about RUMINATING, COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, and Malignant Narcissist/and survivors would really be an eye opener for you. And if you read it or listened to it already...DO IT AGAIN....and AGAIN...and AGAIN. Write down what you have in your life to be THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for...focus on what your gifts are...and I got a NEWS FLASH for you????YOUR BEAUTIFUL, lovely slender body is one of them. Your are beautiful and lovely...and he chose to cut you out...BUT YOU need to protect what's left...NOW...! I have walked the dark hazy walk you are in...I have....please forgive me if you think I am blunt...BUT YOU CAN NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING MORE...NOTHING! He'd love to know he f_ucked a great "finale" with your brain....DON'T LET HIM.... It's going to be OK...you will regain back your love of yourself...START NOW!! You have a choice: BE skinny and miserable? or BE SKINNY and HAPPY!! You get to chose...HE DOESN'T ...HE IS MUY FINITE!! Bury him in your thoughts.....I wish I could for you...BUT I can't I am actually angry for you. And I wish I could tell your SHALLOW SORRY ASSED NARC what I think....It, sister would be my PLEASURE!! This ain't no rehearsal...and the motors running....NO MORE TIME TO WASTE on that SORRY ASS! This response is not like me...but I feel moved to tell you my thoughts and feelings after reading your letter... "Hang in there little "BuckaROO" ....everythings going to be OK" You will see!! peace BD

#29 Aug 19 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

bakingfortherapy

Hallelujah...

Hallelujah!!! Beachdreamer.... U ROCK!!

#30 Aug 19 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Beach Dreamer

Can't Stand it When somebody is Bullied

BakingFT :) Sun's letter got me going last night. It touched a nerve with me and how blatant and rude N men can be. I must be moving into the "angry" stage and the "Self-Protective" stage. I could feel how Sun's ex was emotionally BULLYING her. Made me mad! All we have left is ourselves after the N is through with us. Broken, Hurt, Sad, Confused, and Emotioanlly Handicapped... is what we are left with after they PLAYED us. But we can't afford not to love ourselves. We have to nuture and protect our wounds. It's a slow process but we have to. Otherwise the spiral continues to pull us down...down...down. I really believe we are innocents when a man LIES, CHEATS, and is a PREDATOR for his selfish plan of action. How can we blame ourselves for anything when we stand back and truly see the web of deception that we were LURED into? Thank GOODNESS for this websight! That let's us vent when we are hurting or healing. And for all the strong and gentle voices trying to nuture and protect us with their insight. I am very THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for all the support and help I get here. ThankYOU all BD

#31 Aug 19 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

Layla

I feel EXACTLY like you do, Beach Dreamer!

; ) And I am pissed off too! Hahaha!

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