Was This Bad Form on My Part?
Was This Bad Form on My Part?
There are times I feel intense anger at the waste of 7 prime years of my life on a jerk like my ex...but at the same time, I feel more empowered and wiser than I ever have...I know I wouldn't be able to claim either had I not endured what I did. The saying "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" has real poignancy to me these days.
I will say that when we were going through our split, I was especially vicious to him...I planned to have no future contact with him and knew it was 'now or never' for me to vent at him. Did I ever!
I said really endearing things to him along the lines of "you know, it really sucks that I could have been with a real man while I was going through the most heartbreaking time of my life (my mother's fight with stage 4 cancer that she succumbed to) instead of being stuck with YOU". Or my personal favorite..."If I wanted to live with a dick, I would have chosen a guy who's got a really big one and a bank account to match". That sent him into a total frenzied rage, to which...I pretty much snickered. I was evil as hell to him when we were splitting...that was 7 years of pent up resentment flowing like a broken dam. I have felt no need to contact him, or see him...we have a shared hobby that forces us to be around each other from time to time...I know his ego is severely bruised, much of which comes from the comments I made before I moved...I don't care. It was way cheaper than therapy and was an excellent release, directed at the proper individual.
But really, the best revenge has been him having to watch me literally flourish without him. When I moved, I had no job, a crappy car, and not one stick of furniture. I'm more than sure that he fully expected me to fall on my face and come crawling back to him. Today, 14 months later, I have THE dream job for someone in my line of work...I just bought a new car, my home is furnished and best of all? I look GREAT! He has to watch this all happen. He has attempted contact and I continue to reject him...he will never be a part of my life again. Not even as an acquaintance.
I almost feel bad at times by how mean I was when we were splitting and that I find personal amusement by saying the hateful things I did with the full intent to damage him emotionally...but then I think...."how badly does he feel that he sold me a complete lie and wasted 7 years of my life?"...and that wry smile returns to my face.
The Good Witch of the West in me, though....it doesn't feel right I said the mean things I did to him, I guess mainly because I'm used to dealing with decent people and I would never say the things to them that I did to him.
By the time I left him, I knew he was a malignant narcissist and figured he had it coming from me and on behalf of every other woman from his past who never got the opportunity I had to lay him out with an emotional brick. So I temporarily lowered myself into the gutter and engaged him on his level...I turned into a narcissist for those few weeks during the split. I had to force myself to say the things I did in a few instances...but I was pissed off like I have never been pissed off before. I think that has allowed me to move forward without the need to have "closure"...I got it before I left.
Just wondering what the general consensus here is regarding my approach to slamming the door in his face physically and emotionally before I left.
ive done exactly the same thing for more than 6 months now
That is awesome, girl! I
You go girl!
Sounds like the perfect
You get a big high five from
I think we all have regrets,
Hi Syren - Welcome to the forum
Thanks for this comment, it's
LOL, well....any friends who
this is fantastic
Recovery happens in stages,
got to be prepared for setbacks
The Best Things Do Not Come Easy
One other thing....
Absolutely
Hi Dee! Oh Gawd...the
Laying him out with an emotional brick
Thank you, Rose! And yah, I
NARC & FAIRY TALES....Fact or Fiction
The Fog - Post D&D & Reconciliation
I am so sorry you are going
Re: Odds NOT Good
I can relate!
I'm in Chicago too, Layla! :D
Seriously. What is up with
Especially the ones who wear
I never met anyone who felt
Yep, absolutely the "victim"
I unleashed a foul torrent on
Rage