22yearsgoneby's story
22yearsgoneby's story
I cannot believe I have found the answers to my life story. 18 years of marriage, 2 kids , 2 known affairs, - and now he has left for the third time. Different this time - it is like I am dead - no phone calls, checking how I am -nothing.
But he has suddenly turned into father of the year - lives within two blocks of us and he is around all the time now. He is a workaholic and was never home - says he was avoiding the marriage. But I sensed he never really liked the routine of family life anyway.
Now he is obsessed with my son - not so much our daughter. I have also seen him on the street with the affair person from 13 years ago - is this typical? Do they go back to old relationships?
He has made a considerable amount of money I never knew about and invested it as he wished. Amazing for a guy I helped pay child support to his ex for 18 years. Never offered me a dime to get something I wanted. Has tried to join a notorious motorcycle club -lies and denies anything I remind him of having said. Broken promise after broken promise. He has told me he loves me more than when we first met - he just doesn't understand why he doesn't want to be with me. Then, another time he tells me I was a good business deal - good job, housekeeper , cook - loyal, etc . Now he claims he is filing for a divorce - will he really do this? I am so afraid of losing him for good.
There is a therapist in our area who has a new book out and claims some success rate in change - but we need leverage to motivate the narcissist - the fear of losing us completely. I have counseled with her and she has assessed my husband as "maladaptive narcissism".
I see all our stories are the same thread - mine is not violent - charming to a fault when he wants - so you get sucked in. I am not a stupid woman and I am so relieved to know this was so much more than a marriage problem . But it doesn't help with how all this has left me feeling - so many wasted years, betrayal - probably more than I know about,no self esteem, lonly , abandoned, and I invested so, so much.
What should I expect? Will he return again - someone please help me with this - I cry every day , cannot sleep well - depressed. I need to be here for my kids - they have been through enough.
afraid to lose him for good?
Grief
motivate the N?