CLOSURE & Grieving WHAT IS
CLOSURE & Grieving WHAT IS
So much is written here about closure and I'm still pretty
raw from recently pressuring my ex-Narc to get real.
That nanosecond was the miracle I had been praying for-
God allowed a hair-line crack in his otherwise perfect
mask and then I saw his empty soul. Funny how the clarity
can come. (And you can't put the toothpaste BACK in the
tube!)
Anyway, back to closure. I've been thinking these past
weeks why ending it with a Narc is different and why is
it so difficult to move on? While there are many reasons,
I did get insight into myself and here is just one answer:
I was in love with a mirage(one of HIS creation)...get too
close and *POOF*- he's GONE! I was enthralled (this
literally means: to be put or held in slavery/subjugated)
with his (carefully constructed)promises. He had NO INTENTION of honoring me OR his promises!
So, here's my epiphany...What is it that I REALLY miss
about the 'relationship'? The mirage (thing without
substance or reality) that I can't have or even touch? It
keeps moving further as I get closer. Do I miss
his deceptions and false promises? (Those were fabricated
to lead me on and keep me there) Do I miss the
lack of emotional intimacy? The neglect? (Narcs can't 'do
relationships' and can't really get close) No, no, no!
So what is it that I THINK I have lost? When I understand
that there was no WHOLE person (ex-Narc) there to love
and I see how truly messed up he is, I feel a sense of relief and gratitude. Relief that there are answers to why I couldn't connect in a healthy way to this person. Relief that the confusion is gone. Relief that I am NO LONGER his emotional hostage (and he is STUCK with himself!) Relief that I am using my gifts and energies in more positive ways. Relief that I get an opportunity to work on my life and myself.
For me, it is so much easier to grieve what he TRULY is than what I THOUGHT I had. What is he? Empty. Cruel.
Punishing. Self-hating. Self-righteous. Misogynistic.
Hypocritical. Lying. A predator. An emotional vampire.
A cad. An opportunist...
I could go on but I'm sure you get the point... When you
'miss' your Ex-Narc, you can help me add to this list!
I rarely think about him
Love is Love
Good points
mmmm
Now that's one Burrito with
Yummy!
Yeah, the only thing that
To add to list:
Echo
Questions
Transcend
I love this post
amazing
Yes...this IS fun! Thanks for playing along!
very clever no more an echo
Awsome post. I am not missing
beautifulmess
Yep
You are right..I think the
Do you wonder
Very true
now it's all about us
Just sand
...and nothing but sand for miles.
just poke me in the eye
Such a beautiful, warm, sunny
nymphie...so glad i could help!
yes, let's not romanticize!
There's no place like home...
Perfect summary
Beautifully written, no more