Weight...

38 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 1 - 9AM

rhiannon

Weight...

This morning, my N asked me to get on the scale and weigh myself in front of him. I don't know about the rest of you, but I get highly offended by this. This isn't the first time he's asked me, either. In the past, he would always win with his pressure tactics, and I'd end up feeling embarrassed by the whole thing. See, he'll do that, and then for the next week or so, makes comments about everything I eat and drink. This morning, however, I firmly said... "NO." He kept pressuring me and I said, "Not gonna happen." He says, "Do you have something to hide?" (What kind of question is that anyway in this context?) I said "NO, nothing to hide, just not gonna do it." He got frustrated with me and said to get on the scale, he wanted to know. I told him that I was sorry, and that I guess it was just going to remain a mystery for him. He got pissed and walked out of the bathroom. Now, I'm dealing with his attitude. Whatever.

Has this been an issue with anyone else? I'd be interested to hear your opinions on complying to an N's request to weigh yourself in front of him. It doesn't seem like a respectful request to me by any means. Especially for a woman.

#2 Jul 3 - 10PM

enoughalready

weight

Damn! Do they clone narcs? Yes, he always wanted to know exactly how much I weighed! He wanted me to step on the scale in front of him. Telling him I was 110lbs, 5'2, wear size 0-2, fitness train/bodybuild was not "good enough". Even though he said he "hated" skinny anorexic "chicks" I think he loved them. He lied so much, don't know who he was or what he really liked. Everything he said and did was a contradiction!

#3 Jul 2 - 5PM

Susan32

Same thing here...

My mother also has issues with my weight, even though I'm not overweight(!!!) Whenever she'd come to visit, she'd critique my weight. My ex-P was the same way... he'd make strange looks if he considered my food "weird" (his favorite insult),he'd comment on my food portions, he'd comment if I were eating meat ("you're going to come down with mad cow disease") or just command me to "eat your food." He made comments about my weight, despite the fact he was the one getting paunchy at the end and I had lost my appetite.

#4 Jul 2 - 3AM

NancyM

rhiannon

Sorry to say I had an experience in my first relationship. When I came out of hospital with my baby, he gave me the ultimatum to lose the pregnancy weight within 6 months or he was gone. So I lost the weight and I left him within 6 months. Dump this loser.

Nevergoback

#5 Jul 2 - 10AM (Reply to #35)

Lisa E. Scott

NancyM

Bravo is right! I'm glad you lost that dead weight of a man! What nerve!

#6 Jul 2 - 4AM (Reply to #34)

ewa

rhiannon

Bravo! :)

#7 Jul 2 - 1AM

Maggie

Strong

It shows how strong you are that you didn't comply - really really well done. I know how hard it is when they repeat themselves and repeat themselves-very threatening- And the bad attitude is just stick. My Mum was like this to me - I wish I'd had the strength then that I have now!!

#8 Jul 1 - 3PM

broken23

oh dear this man needs to be

oh dear this man needs to be hit with the scale. good for you for saying no. that is utterly humiliating and do not let him do that to you. although my n could not do that to me. im 5'1 and a size 0/2. however he is 5'10 and at points 205 pound with a huge beer gut... however this should prove that they can never be happy....here is the opposite perspective. he would shake his head and i would get yelled at for not finishing my food, apparently thats why he would have to eat 1.5 times and that is why he could never look good. yup! he HAD TO FINISH MY FOOD and thats why he was overweight. In hindsight, I am so amused at my own behavior ... if was at his place when he wasnt looking id put the food i didnt finish in a paper towel and then in the trash so he wouldnt see it. one time he found half eaten cupcakes in there and he told me he would never buy me food again. at restuarants i started to order only appetizers...because when i couldnt finish a 16oz steak he ordered so i wasnt worthy of being taken to a steak house. and if i threw up from over eating he would say i intentionally puke. thank god i am free from his hell and enjoying my freakin food as i type.

#9 Jul 1 - 12PM

Amy

Oh my....

It's humiliating to have someone you care about badger you about your weight! Mine told me I was "chunky" when we got engaged. He said I was drinking too much with the other bf while we were apart and I let myself get "saggy". I am 5'7" and wear a size 2/4. I am not chunky! Because I had just lost my job, he told me I needed to "be on a schedule" and go to the gym every day. After 2 months of going to the gym 2 hours a day, 4-5 days a week, my body is soooo defined. Oh, and I have made a ton of friends there because everyone knows me. Guess what he says now??? I work out TOO much. When I tried to show him a pic of my back that a friend took while I was doing pull-ups, he wouldn't look. When we go to the gym together, he gets annoyed and we leave after about 30 minutes. Rhiannon - it's a CONTROL thing. I guarantee if you were to lose weight, he'd tell you he likes you better with weight on you! I agree that he is the only weight you need to lose! PS - my ex N fiancee' is 5'9" and weighs 205!

#10 Jul 1 - 11AM

rhiannon

Thought of a prime example

Thought of a prime example of something that happened shortly after I "got weighed"... Sometimes I like to have a few (I stress, A FEW) M&M's in the evening. I freeze them. I like them really crunchy and cold. You can only have them out of the freezer so long before the coating starts to get sticky. Main point... I'm really picky about my M&M's! One night I went to the freezer, grabbed my M&M's, and went to the den to watch tv. My N was intoxicated, and I was already annoyed. He says, "what are you doing?" I said, "eating M&M's" and gave him a bug-eyed look like "duh!" So, after I set the bag down on the coffee table, he proceeds to pick it up and head into the kitchen. I hear him fumbling around, hear some dishes clank, and hear the freezer door open and shut. He walks in with no bag, and some M&M's in a tiny little bowl. He sets them in front of me and sits down to watch tv. I immediately got mad and said WTH is that?! And that I wasn't a child, and I didn't need my food portioned out for me. I was so mad, I didn't want them anymore. So then begins his efforts to try to get me to eat them. He gets one in his hand and repeatedly tries to get me to eat it. I repeatedly refuse and tell him to leave me the (blank) alone, I don't want it. After about 15 minutes of that, he gets angry. We had some leftover dishes on the (granite) coffee table, one of them being my grandmother's dish that is special to me. So, he picks it up and just lets it drop. I'm AMAZED it didn't break. I said... "WTH are are you doing? Why did you do that? That's my grandmother's dish!" He glared at me and said "eat the M&M... or do you want me to take this further with you?" I was dumbfounded. In that moment of dumbfoundedness (I guess I waited to long to answer) he picked up my dish again and let it drop a second time. Dish is still in one piece (it's a trooper!). He looks at me again and says... "EAT IT." As I continued to stare at him, he picked the dish up again and acted like he was going to chunk it across the room. I hastily said "Fine. I'll eat the (blanking) M&M." I felt like such a schmuck for giving in and eating it... but I didn't want my dish broken. Never in my life have I felt so small. It was humiliating. After eating it, he put my dish down, told me I "was such a child" and then everything was hunky dory. He went back to watching tv and acting like nothing had happened. He's a piece of work.

#11 Jul 1 - 11AM (Reply to #29)

Steph

umm...WHAT??

HOLY SHIT he is CONTROLLING! and you are the child? wow. I am so happy your grandmother's dish is still intact:) It's as strong as you! soooo......why are you still with this "man" again?

#12 Jul 1 - 11AM

ewa

LOL

Is he keeping you on the diet and then checking the results to see if he has succeed to make you slimmer or fatter? Maybe measuring his success. Mine used different tactics he said i should go to the gym, because in his opinion i was not enough fit. He used to say i have the most beautiful body he has ever seen, and then told me that i should exercise more...He also wanted to buy me exercise machine and put it in the flat, but after we moved to next flat the flat was to small for the machine to fit there. When i asked him why is that he said: Because you always say you are not happy with your weight. When we broke up with him and out from the flat we shared i bought myself a bike , put it at home and exercised every day for and hour. I lost weight of course.I work in the office and sit on my ass whole day so it of coursed helped. Guess what the N did? We work together so he started to talk to the people in our company that i have lost weight and look so great because i have listened to his advice.

#13 Jul 1 - 11AM (Reply to #27)

Steph

lol

yes, thank goodness he was in your life to give you such great advice, hey? lol what a loser. takes credit for YOUR hard work. congrats on the weight loss:)

#14 Jul 1 - 11AM

ewa

LOL

doubled post sorry

#15 Jul 1 - 10AM

rhiannon

Even though deep down it

Even though deep down it really angers me and I know it's messed up, it amazes me how brainwashed I've become to actually have thoughts that this is possibly a reasonable thing for him to request. What has happened to me???? Thank you for all your responses... they're helping me snap back to reality.

#16 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #24)

Steph

"What has happened to me????

"What has happened to me???? " brainwahing. Happens to the best of us:) Once you go no contact....you start to see things so clearly. Even now for me, 6 months out, something will just randomly pop in my head that he did or said and i'll think WTF??

#17 Jul 1 - 10AM

betty2020

my ExN would only date

my ExN would only date someone under 125lbs. He made this clear in his profiles on line. I was never asked to weigh in but i have been on the thin side my whole life so i guess it wasent an issue with me. He is very particular about a womans weight though. Tell him to go fuck himself and hit him over the head with the scale and leave for good! Im so sorry for you. Dont take it personal these mutants are not human. Dont forget that..

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#18 Jul 2 - 12AM (Reply to #21)

aceonelady

weight too...

My ex N was always looking at pictures of lean legged women...divx videos with tiny japanese girls...gaming women figures from viking muscled warrior women....when he started talking to me i told him i was tall and not skinny at all,breasts ...Italian type,volupteous but very well built...he told me is ok,you are beautiful...well,when he dumped me 10 hours after i went to the USA from Europe he told me i was a bit overweight for him and to fuck me he had to think about sometime else...He was a huge Porn addict ,and was used to masturbate,later he told me he was wondering how would be to be with a man,and if a gay guy (a tennant)would talk to him superficially,he would tell me that it was creepy ...he was a maintenance man and this guy lived there where he works....Then later he told me no,i am not gay dammit,i just wanted you to get the hell away from me...But last time i googled him he was on a site about High S chool Musical,and he is 42 years old...now i am thinking he like them young but when i told him that he said all his exes where older than him...but he told me too that with the most of them he never had sex with them...but he did live together with a woman for 18 years and has 3 children....he had sex with me twice...then withdraw....oh and he told me he didn't care about breasts,i had nice ones but wasn't for him...i am very sad...

Aceonelady

#19 Jul 2 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

betty2020

He sound very similar to my

He sound very similar to my exN. I did find out that mine was into the young ones. Teenagers. He kept it well hidden till the day i left. He is under investigation now. It is a good thing you are away from this creep. I have a feeling you only know half of the real story about him. What a mutant.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#20 Jul 1 - 9AM

Lisa E. Scott

Rhiannon

No effin way. Are you serious? I cannot believe he did that. That is so unbelievably controlling and sick. You must understand that is not acceptable behavior. You must get away from him. I can't see why you would stay with this man. Can you name one redeeming quality he has that makes you stay? Stayingstrong said it perfectly (as usual): "Get rid of him. That'll be the only weight you need to lose." I've put up with a lot, but if a man did that to me, I would tell him to go f*ck himself. He has NO right!

#21 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #19)

MovinOnUp

I agree...

Even the husband that choked me once wouldn't dare to pull this one. This is off the chart in your face disrespect and control. He's not even pretending that you are more than an object to him. RUN RHIANNON! RUN!!!

#22 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #12)

rhiannon

He puts an "I'm looking out

He puts an "I'm looking out for your health" spin on it. As far as I'm concerned, I can look out for my own health. What's ironic is that HE's what's being a detriment to my health. I talked with him on the phone just a while ago, and he told me that he is really disappointed in me, that I must have something to hide, that I don't trust him, what kind of relationship do we have if you can't weigh yourself in front of me? He's "only looking out for my best interests." What's sick is sometimes I actually start believing this stuff.

#23 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Lisa E. Scott

Rhiannon

Of course, he puts a spin on it. Of course, you start to believe what he says. He has brainwashed you and he's counting on you to believe whatever he tells you. It's time for you to "take back control," Rhiannon. This is YOUR LIFE, not his to dictate as he pleases. You are not a child or a prisoner. You are your own person who must break free from this wretched man. What redeeming qualities does he have? Can you think of one?!

#24 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

rhiannon

It's a little scary that I'm

It's a little scary that I'm sitting here trying to answer your question and nothing is coming to mind...

#25 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

Lisa E. Scott

Rhiannon

Hmmm, isn't that telling?! You cannot think of one redeeming quality in this man. Move on, please move on, Rhiannon. You deserve so much more!

#26 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #16)

Steph

I can think of one redeeming quality

he clearly has good taste in women:) Other than that, he's screwed! Listen to the ladies and RUN!

#27 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #17)

rhiannon

That made me smile :) Thanks

That made me smile :) Thanks for the pick-me-up.

#28 Jul 1 - 10AM (Reply to #18)

Steph

:)

anytime

#29 Jul 1 - 9AM

Happy1

I've had similar experience.

I've had similar experience. Mine has told me if I gain 5lbs he will dump me.

#30 Jul 1 - 9AM

secondchance

no way!

i would kill someone who did that! what are you doing with him?

#31 Jul 1 - 9AM

almostlydia

Weight

he's zeroing in on what he thinks is your most vulnerable spot. We all have different ones and he's figured yours out. Look out girl, he's getting ready to tear your *ss down! Read the writing on the wall. Anyone who does that is NOT loving you just the way you are.

almostlydia

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