Narcs Using Enlightenment as an Excuse
Narcs Using Enlightenment as an Excuse
My exN talks as if he has inner awareness and that his motivation in life is to walk a path of enlightenment. He believes everyone he meets has something to offer him which enriches his life and that he chooses to not become attached to them or whatever they offer as if that would be breaking some spiritual code. He is all about living in the moment and accepting 'what is'.
He believes it is our choice to be where we are at all times and since we all are on our own individual spiritual journeys, that belief allows him to wash his hands of any responsibility for what we feel, especially when he decides it is time to move on and we are discarded (often completely).
He talks about how happiness can only come from within and should not be dependent upon attaching ourselves to ANYONE or ANYTHING in order to be whole.
On the surface the philosophy makes sense, but doesn't this just sound like the perfect narc handbook to justify to themselves and others their detached emotions and selfish behavior?
My exN discards with the assured right to chose for himself in any moment regardless of whatever his choices may have lead people to believe in the moment before, with little or no concern about how this affects anyone who loves and cares about him.
I think this is what has caused me the most painful and confusing cognitive dissonance. He is so good at convincing people that he has good intentions and really cares. It felt so real when he wanted to be here but when he changed his mind it was all simply gone.
Even now, knowing what I do, I easily slip back into self blame thinking it was all my fault the relationship ended because I could not be enlightened enough. That I caused all of my own pain by attaching too much importance on my love for him and his place in my life. There is truth to that which screws my head up immensely because it doesn't take into account the fact that I was deceived and manipulated by him.
I know we need to allow others the freedom to be who they are, but he uses this to get away with detached and cold behavior in relationships while at the same time saying he wants us to be happy.
In The 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, he says "But beware: Some people who are unresponsive, withdrawn, insensitive, or cut off from their feelings may think and try to convince others that they are enlightened..."
"If there isn't an emanation of love and joy, complete presence and openness toward all beings, then it is not enlightenment. Another indicator is how a person behaves in difficult or challenging situations or when things "go wrong"..."
These two paragraphs were the only things that helped me find any consolation in times of severe anguish from the spiritual failure I felt I was when my N dumped me. He had me believing it was my inability to love unconditionally or to allow him the freedom to be himself that he could not stay.
Can anyone else relate to this kind of spiritual talk by the narc? This has been the hardest part to reconcile for me in my recovery.
I'd love to hear your opinions...
He claimed to be an enlightened vegetarian...
Yes!
Enlightment...seeing signs
Signs
Journey on...
OH my GOD!
Same narc!
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Thanks Journey
Becsta777
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Journey
I could have written this
Justified in his mind
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I have an audio book of The
Journey
Ha ha Idealk9
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Journey
What a coincidence Idealk9NYC!
Journey on...
Full of shit, he is setting
My ex-N used his so called
Hi Lina
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Journey
Oh Ya Lina
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Using Christianity as a weapon
Oh this is definitely a
Psychopath
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Gawd this is so CLASSICALLY
journey if you want to read
Thanks
Journey on...
I can def relate. its
Finallyletgo
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Cowardice as "enlightenment"