F**k!! I Broke Contact after 9 Weeks!

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#1 May 19 - 6PM

Anonymous (not verified)

F**k!! I Broke Contact after 9 Weeks!

After 9 weeks of no contact and an afternoon of drinking wine and playing pool with one of my best friends, I decided to try calling my Narc's number that is still in my cell phone. I wasn't planning on talking to him, but I guess I was curious what would happen when I dialed his number, because he had blocked it over 9 weeks ago (and I was drunk). I basically got a recording that the number had been changed/disconnected. I was really shocked that he actually changed his number after all this time, since I had not tried contacting him since he told me not to. So I then sent a message to his last known email address that I had, wanting to know if it was still valid. All I sent was a message with a subject that said, "You're going down." Nothing else in the body.

He replied almost immediately back with: "Why because you and I were not compatible? Because I found someone I really love? I didn't mean to hurt you but the longer we talked the more it felt like my relationship with Gina (his wife) and I didn't want the same thing all over again. You're better off without me and you know it. My divorce is final in Sept and I am planning on marrying her soon after that."

I haven't responded to this. I know I shouldn't have said anything to begin with (yeah, don't drunk dial). Right now I'm thinking, what's done is done, can't take back my email, but at the same time I'm hoping he's sweating it and I'm making him paranoid with the "You're going down" comment in the subject line.

On the other hand, I find myself arguing with him in my head about what he said. Responding to his accusations that are pure projection and I know it. Comparing me and accusing me of being like his ex-wife (the crazy bitch). This is one of the worst things he compared me to in the end or our relationship. The crazy bitch he couldn't stand and be married to any more, and I was just like her!

#2 May 20 - 11AM

Disillusionedx2

it happens...

but do you see why it's best to stay NC? It's not worth the BS!..now you're topsy turvy again and want to get the upper hand. There's no such monkey as an upper hand dealing with an disordered individual, he's a coward and is just doing what he has done in the past, mirror your behavior back to you, let it roll, face the situation as it is and leave the macadamia alone, because at this point unfortunately you initiated the "threat" and he could possibly retaliate by calling the law, it's just not worth it. Kill the email contact, and kill him, it's over, let it go, as he said, probably the first truth he has ever spoken, you're definitely better off without him, best wishes!

stay~strong

#3 May 20 - 7AM

momoya

They ALWAYS Want to marry!!

They are so shallow. They really are drying up puddles that suck us dry! screw him! Forgetabout it! don't even sweat it. Just promise no more drunk dialing! He's a tool!

momoya

#4 May 20 - 6AM

Hunter

She's not a crazy bitch and

She's not a crazy bitch and neither are you. He has made both of you crazy. In fact look what you did, you sent him a crazy email. Is this how you normally behave. My guess is, no. He did say one thing that made sense, you're better off without him. Hunter

#5 May 20 - 10AM (Reply to #29)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Yes, I know we're not crazy

Yes, I know we're not crazy bitches but that's what he called her and how he referred to her. He would tell me stories of the "crazy" things she supposedly did, and of course I believed him at the time. Now that I know what he is and how they all lie and say the same things about their exes, I don't believe most of it. And for the things she DID probably do, I can understand why now. He initially presented himself as the typical victimized husband, portrayed her as verbally and physically abusive, said she cheated on him, blah, blah. When the D&Ding started with me he would say I was just like her which was so insulting to me and he knew it. I mean how hurtful is it to tell someone they're like the crazy bitch you hate that you're trying to get away from?

#6 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #33)

Done sourcing

Crazy

We can all act crazy from time to time, especially around someone who is actually crazy. I think the difference is we feel guilty about it afterwards, and somehow want to resolve our ambivalent feelings, and that is perfect for the predator. It's part of why we are perfect for their dysfunction, we have a conscience and a moral compass, which they lack. We have the power to choose, and that is a gift. If a vacuum cleaner goes nuts, you don't talk to it, email it, text it, drunk dial it, or stalk it. You unplug it!!! NC is pulling the plug on the f'd up vacuum cleaner...Good luck

#7 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #32)

Deidre40

It's amazing. Mine alluded to

It's amazing. Mine alluded to me being 'crazy' on that website a few days ago. I lurked, and saw a recent post. haha! He said...''they're all crazy,'' meaning women. lol Crazy cuz I woke up and broke up with him? lol People seem to be ignoring him, now. I've heard he's bashing me on his FB wall. What a loon! And I'm crazy? aye yi yi! Hang in there. You will be fine soon enough. {{hugs}}

#8 May 20 - 10AM (Reply to #30)

Hunter

SK

It's typical behavior! So you broke NC! Looks at his words, they spell Jackass! Don't do it again, k? :) next time you're drinking have friend keep the phone! Hunter

#9 May 20 - 10AM (Reply to #31)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I was already home by myself.

I was already home by myself. The friend I was with doesn't know about this whole nonsense with the Narc. I should have called my friend in California who knows the whole sordid story and saw me go through all the crap with him. Or, I should have come here. I've always resisted my urges before but I drank too much wine. I also realized this morning that I didn't eat anything for dinner last night, so that didn't help at all.

#10 May 20 - 6AM

itsallgood

During an argument before I

During an argument before I understood the dynamics of our relationship, my ex- narc told me that I was becoming just like his ex-wife. My comment to him was, "Maybe you do something that makes us respond the same way." That obviously added fuel to that fire. Anyway, his divorce became final, our wedding was called off, he was engaged to a new woman 7 months later, called off that wedding one week before. And now, for the finale, his ex wife and 2 kids moved into the house that his 2 ex fiancée lived in. No matter how you turn it, it's all drama and nothing good can come out of breaking no contact.

#11 May 20 - 10AM (Reply to #27)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Same here

"Maybe you do something that makes us respond the same way." I said practically the same thing during an argument one time too. Like you, not having a clue as to how these guys manipulate us into the arguments in the first place and screw with us on purpose. I remember the very first time he actually called me his wife's name on purpose. I was so insulted I hung up on him. The next time we talked I told him I couldn't believe he said that to me and he said I was sounding just like her, telling him that he was lying because SHE was always calling him a liar. Well guess what? He was LYING to me!!!

#12 May 20 - 9AM (Reply to #26)

Deidre40

OMG...It's amazing how they

OMG...It's amazing how they all say pretty much the same stuff. lol Mine told me the day after I broke up with him--and when he was trying to get me to go back with him...''you are no better than my ex.'' WHICH ONE? :P He had four of 'em. lol He meant the last one. lol I told him...I'm nothing like her. But, he apparently just wanted a reaction. She punched him in the face on more than one occasion. I really would love to know the truth behind all that. He just basically said she was 'coo koo'

#13 May 20 - 3AM

ewa

" Comparing me and accusing

" Comparing me and accusing me of being like his ex-wife (the crazy bitch). This is one of the worst things he compared me to in the end or our relationship. The crazy bitch he couldn't stand and be married to any more, and I was just like her!" What are you talking about? She maybe went crazy because of him. My exN made me behave crazy, because i all the emotions I was behaving like a crazy bitch too...but he made me behave this way. There is nothing to be offended for belive me.

#14 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #24)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Those were his words about

Those were his words about her, not mine, so essentially he was calling me a crazy bitch too. And yes, I do believe he tortured her and drove her crazy for over 25 years. Now that I know what he is and what he does, I have a whole different perspective on the situation and actually feel sorry for her. In the end, she was anorexic, in therapy and on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. He told me how she once kicked him in the balls many years ago while he was holding their baby daughter. At the time I thought how horrible! What a terrible woman! Now I understand why she did and don't blame her one bit. He more than deserved it and I applaud her now. It was probably after she found out he had been cheating on her with the woman he is now with who will be her replacement. This new OW that he plans to marry once his divorce is final is a recycled GF from 25 years ago and it fits the timeline.

#15 May 19 - 9PM

TovaBella

Smitten Kitten

Oh SK, Stop. Breathe. Don’t respond back to him. Let him sweat it out…leave him thinking. He deserves no other words from you. There’s a quote that someone told me a long time ago and I think of it when I feel like breaking NC to tell off N. “You are the master of the unspoken word, but the spoken word is master of you.” Basically what I take from it, is that we are more powerful when we are silent…because they have no idea what we’re thinking. Think about it, he doesn’t know what the heck you meant by, “You’re going down.” He said what he said to hurt you and that’s the bottom line. Think about it, he thought of the worst way to hurt you…he compared you to his crazy bitch ex-wife. I’ve learned that when these guys have their ego’s bruised by us not behaving the way THEY want us too, they go right for the jugular. Don’t respond to him, go back to NC and walk away. You can’t win with these guys…they feel nothing. Also, I know you don't want to not respond to his second threat, but if you do and he does contact your house...it will be horrible for you :( Lots of Hugs to you, TovaBella

#16 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #21)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I know you're right. I had an

I know you're right. I had an entire response typed out to his second message, but I'm not going to send it. At least I got it out. Let him sweat a little and wonder WHAT I will do or IF I will do anything. Since he thinks I'm a crazy psycho bitch like he does his wife, maybe that will make him nervous. She used to threaten to tell the husband of the previous OW before me (she doesn't know about me) about their affair because he doesn't know. And my N is actually afraid of that guy. The only reason I haven't blown his cover with all 3 of them (the exOW, wife and new OW) is because I know he would contact my husband. If I didn't have that to worry about, I would have done it already.

#17 May 20 - 12PM (Reply to #22)

TovaBella

I so understand, Smitten Kitten.

I totally get it. Trust me, when I read your post and how you wanted to respond to his second email so he wouldn't think he got the best of you...I knew EXACTLY where you were at. But I was texting with Hunter earlier and she said something that made perfect sense. She said, "You can't beat crazy!" She's right, Smitten Kitten...it sucks, but it's true. It says SO much more when we're silent, because with all the shit they do, they are already pretty paranoid, haha. When we're silent, it just adds fuel to the fire, know what I mean? You said so yourself, your N is afraid of one of the husbands, haha. I swear to gosh, they are ALL so damn sick and demented. Big Hugs to you, TovaBella

#18 May 19 - 9PM

Steph

Ah yes, the good old drunk

Ah yes, the good old drunk dial lol Not laughing AT you, honestly. I've been there. Wrote about it here lol Don't worry about it any further. Like you said, what is done is done. and, just to make sure I have this right.....he is awaiting a divorce from his wife, so he can marry the new girl.....the one he was with while he was with you, or right after you? Wow. He certainly gets around doesn't he? He is nauseating. Stay strong missy! xoxo

#19 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Yes, that's the scenario. He

Yes, that's the scenario. He was separated from his wife when we were together and wasn't doing one single thing to proceed with an actual divorce. It wasn't until the new OW (recycled GF from 25 years ago) came back into his life and he dumped me overnight for her that he finally served his wife with divorce papers. He said he was never motivated up until then, there was no reason to. Gee thanks, kick me in the gut one more time why don't you? He told me in just a matter of weeks he was planning to marry her and I believe he really will.

#20 May 19 - 8PM

mynewlife2011

Feelin sorry for them

I feel sorry for Gina and his supposed fiance. Thank God you didn't stay with that moron. do not respond, now you know how carelessly and recklessly they remarry- ever so quickly. Yep, that is definite sign of a Narc...cannot be alone

#21 May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I do too

I think he will marry this woman because he's known her since they were kids and had a brief relationship when they got older (he was her "first"). She recently came back into his life (January) and just picked up where they left off. Supposedly their mothers always thought they were perfect for each other and should get married when they were younger and are already planning the wedding. He made sure to tell me he's never going to hurt her and is putting his whole heart into making this work and won't make the same mistakes with her that he did with me. Notice how he "realizes" he made mistakes with me and sabotaged the relationship but still compares me to his wife as if *I* ruined it?

#22 May 19 - 7PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

And the Follow-up Threat from the Narc

"BTW I still have your home number, your husband's cell number and your home address. Please leave me alone. I'm not generally the kind of person who would contact him but if you screw with me I will. I am happy and I am truly in love with her. You know we didn't work together. It was unhealthy."

#23 May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I was going to stay quiet

I was going to stay quiet about my first threat and make him sweat about what I would/could possibly do. But now I want to respond to his second threat and tell him just what I've got on him and what I'll do with that information and the new OW (Yeah, I know, I invited his toxic bullshit.)

#24 May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

Deidre40

I would highly recommend you

I would highly recommend you don't say anything else to this guy. It's not worth it. He's a bad guy. If anything, this makes you look like you're still yearning for him. Don't give him this satisfaction. Try your hardest to put this behind you...pray for strength and courage. It is very hard. I am angry with myself at times for breaking NC. But, you have to dust yourself off and move forward. He will just take this as a scorned ex...make you look crazy...and there will be no satisfaction in that. Trust me. Please don't reply to him.

#25 May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #10)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

But I feel like I've left it

But I feel like I've left it with him having the upper hand of threatening me, you know. I was going to let it go until he sent the second note of threatening me and telling my husband. Now I feel if I let it go he'll feel he has the power over me. I want to let him know that I have the "goods" on him and he'd better drop it or else!

#26 May 20 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

ifinallygotit

SK

I am so sorry for you that this happened, i have broken contact too with bad results. I do not want to make you feel bad but the email you sent could easily be taken as a threat " You are going down". He may simply be responding to your threat by saying please let things lie and don't make me retaliate. i don't think he is trying to put you down. i think you alarmed him and he is reacting. Also, I think he shows he cared for you or he would not respond at all... Maybe just think of it as unfortunate - anything you do to respond now is too late - you will look foolish. If you absolutely have to respond which I hope you don't - maybe you could just say good luck - I did not mean to send you an email. i have made a total ass of myself by breaking contact with someone who does not want to talk to me - I wish i could take it back..

#27 May 20 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Yes, it basically WAS a

Yes, it basically WAS a threat. And I'm glad I alarmed him and made him react. I guess that was the point, but I was drunk too, so really wasn't thinking things through or clearly at all. I don't think he cared for me though. I think he only responded because he's worried I WILL blow his cover. I'm not going to respond, I'm going to let it go. If I HAD responded or were going to, it would be to send him the address of his GF, his wife, and the husband of the previous OW (a Psychopath cop who suspected she was having an affair and threatened to kill the guy if he ever found out who it was). Gotta love Google. I can also contact the new GF through FB, although I'm sure she'd block me after that. All I'm saying is that I can wreck his world too if he threatens mine. He's already wrecked my life enough as it is. The thing is, he IS going down and I don't need to lift a finger or do anything. He will do it all himself. I need to keep remembering that.

#28 May 19 - 10PM (Reply to #12)

Deidre40

I see. It makes sense. I

I see. It makes sense. I understand the need to want to have the upper hand. But, truly? If you go back to NC, you will see IN TIME...that just letting it go, was best. IT IS HARD. I KNOW. Mine has baited me...said nice/not so nice things...I have taken the bait, only to be smashed down. I have no desire to get back with him, nor has he asked for me back. BUT. He just wants to eff with me. I just got finished reading a great article on breaking up with a psychopath. And it said that they juggle relationships. (look at your ex) Not sure if mine was doing this, to be honest. Maybe. But...the only way to be FREE...is to go NC. No contact. Break all contact. I'd change your home number. I'd change anything that he can contact you through. The best way to get the ''upper hand'' is to ignore these jerks. Ignoring them is like pouring salt in a wound. Strangely. I'd just ignore him. Let him marry this chick. Even if he wasn't a narc...he isn't divorced, just broke up with you...and he's already going to wed another? I mean...what a recipe for a disaster new marriage. lol Normal people need time to heal. You just can't leap from person to person...marriage to marriage, with no time in between. And the new chick, she'll end up worse off than you. She's going to marry this fool. He doesn't love her. They don't know how to love anyone. They really don't. So, when he tells you...I love her. I'm SURE he told you the same bullsheet. lol So....rest assure. His day will come. You don't need to fight this battle anymore. Let God fight it for you. {{{hugs}}}

#29 May 20 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I can't change my number

I can't change my number because it would make no sense to my husband and it wouldn't matter anyway. I have a unique name and I'm the only one in the country. All you have to do is Google me and I'm right there. Address, previous addresses, phone number, etc. No privacy whatsoever. He could also easily send my husband a message through FB telling him everything or call his cell phone. And of course there's snail mail. Ugh. I hate that bastard!

#30 May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #11)

mynewlife2011

NOT!

You broke NC, deal with the uncomfortableness of it for 1 or two days max, and then let it roll on by. You don't want this monster to destroy your marriage. leave him alone- he will not be good to the OW and in 5 motnhs he will tell her "you remind me of Gina and this is unhealthy and its all your fault..I am getting married to so and so instead." You are playing a control game, and with a Narc you won't win because they are psychopaths. Really smitten, i don't even know you but this doesn't sound like the right road to go down. Two steps back hun. Keep playing pool with your friends, often- but make them hold your phone...NC NC NC

#31 May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

Deidre40

{{hugs}} How are you doing

{{hugs}} How are you doing with this, tonight, SK?

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