"Get Your Ass In The Car"

Hello Forum.

In spite of everything I have kept going back to him. Am I free tonight? I am in therapy finally. The label Psychopath I have now heard three times regarding the person I have said I love.

One sentence he spoke to me on my birthday and I knew he had not changed...

"Get your ass in the car"...

Commanding me to obey him when I did not "answer the phone" and was "ignoring his trucker's calls". I got pulled into a freight deal which became my "birthday present". "You can keep the hundred dollars." Thanks for the card and gift. Thanks for making me feel special again. Thanks for destroying me.

I asked him to follow Lundy Bancroft's "Steps to Change" Page 339 ("Why Does He Do That?") I told him tonight it was non negotiable. I am supposed to accept on faith he has changed? The same man that has verbally abused me, physically assaulted me and destroyed my property?

He could not make it past the first requirement for change which is...

1.) Admit fully to his history of psychological, sexual, and physical abusiveness toward any current or past partners whom he has abused. Denial and minimizing need to stop, including discrediting your memory of what happened. He can't change if he is continuing to cover up, to others or to himself, important parts of what he has done.

"Does your Mother know what you did to me?" Answer = no. Does your son or your friends whom you have told I am crazy? Answer = no. Can you admit what you did (I have verbal recounts from both his ex-girlfriend, estranged brother and mother as well as news articles on line) to Marianne, Wanda or Brenda? Answer = no.

Then, the blame shifting and the form changes. I am now the abuser. I am the one that will not do the work. He uses a classic manipulative tactic that I now understand. He transfers it quickly on to me. Problem? Transference? Puh-lease. That one doesn't work on me any longer.

And, he says "I have never been arrested for a violent crime!" But, he is serving 12 years for 6 felony counts which, include attempted murder, aggravated stalking and child abuse. And, the only reason he has not been arrested is that NO ONE (including me) filed charges. So, that makes him a saint. Denial.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

I am sick of rolling around in the mud with the misogynist pig. I am sick of my birthday being RUINED. I am sick of him making fun of my age. I am sick of him saying he makes over $200,000.00 a year but is broke all of the time. I am sick of him being so sick. I am sick of him making me sick.

I am NC again. Please don't judge me group. I read sometimes it takes over seven times to leave an abusive relationship. I was "diagnosed" initially with PTSD. Counselor says it is a trauma bond. Counselor said I was co-dependent and likely addicted to him.

I can't even cry anymore.

I am numb.

Kitty