I was able to observe

I had the most interesting experience last night. We are in the process of breaking up and own a house together and he is of course postponing it. He has not been there in a month due to traveling to work (he is an entertainer - big surprise) and then has been at Mommy's.

He was there for two nights and wanted to "discuss" an e-mail response I had given him to another of his "You always hurt me and you obviously hate me and no matter what I do it's not good enough for you" rants. All I wrote in the e-mail was that I had no problem with his feelings, but I did have to point out that it was one-sided. And left it at that... I mean why bother even defending myself against this nonsense.

Well the "conversation" consisted of me deciding that I was just going to observe the behavior as much as possible and stay disconnected. So he spoke for about half an hour and went through my e-mail point by point... and I could see that he was very calm and was talking through it as though he thought we were still working this out. But when he got to the part where I mentioned that it was one-sided and that no compromise can be found between people or entities where that is the case and then signed off.... he avoided that topic and started talking "gently" about how difficult his life was.

He asked me if I wanted to say anything and I said, "Well not really because generally when I speak it enrages you and I'd rather not get into that." He said, oh no he wouldn't get enraged.

Now of course I knew better.... so I very simply said, "Well... I just don't understand a mindset that feels free to send e-mails freely expressing whatever emotion you're having, no matter how hurtful it might be or whether it has any basis in fact and expect me to just deal with it. But if I say something to you, no matter how carefully I word it... you get really mad, cuss me out, cut me off, demand apoligies... etc. That's the deal... I just don't understand or relate to that." (Mind you, in the past 8 years I generally was never that direct as I have learned it gets me nowhere and a LOT of emotional pain, even though my nature is to be a pretty confidently direct person). Well... the fingers started tapping, he got up and started pacing and saying, "I know! That's why we're at an impasse. I already know you hate everything about me!!!" And I then asked why he was getting so frustrated when I had answered his question but wasn't attacking him. He took a deep breath and said, "I need to try to calm down. And I don't know why I'm frustrated... I'm not a psychologist, I'm an entertainer!"

The whole time I was thinking.... see how fast it happens? It's really quite amazing. And I went to bed soon thereafter. The whole thing only last about an hour and considering the source it never really got out of control as I wasn't emotionally involved at that point.

but I did have trouble sleeping as it does make me so sad.... the snippets we tell on these sites so clearly demonstrate pathology... but the whole person in real life color can and has been so amazing and fun at times... and that's what makes us so vulnerable. I have to keep telling myself to move forward as I know that he can still get to me. I wasn't mad at him last night... I was just observing. I really even tried to make sure I didn't "push his buttons" on purpose myself. I decided to just speak as I would with anybody else when giving my perspective on a situation and see what happens. Well... that's what happened. So very strange it all is.